Driving Test disaster stories.

#61
One of my Junior leader intake never managed to pass his driving test at Leconfield. He did make it to 1 Regt AAC for a few years, as an untrained soldier. He left of his own volition.
You'd have thought that he'd have been chinned off.
 
#62
First driving test a Cypriot civvy one in 1969. Instructor told me to leave a bottle of whisky on the back seat when taking the test. Passed but long before Cypriot driving licences were accepted anywhere else.
Second test a BFG one with an examiner from Wildenrath. Passed but told to slow down when going over cobbled areas as he kept bumping his head on the roof of my 12 year old Beetle.
Third test back in Cyprus. I'd been driving on my previous Cypriot licence but thought I'd better get a proper one.
Been driving a big Datsun and told to turn up for the test in uniform to find an Army mini and me in big DMS.
Passed but heard the examiner tell someone else after that he'd guarantee I'd have an accident within a few weeks (so why did he pass me?).
The Army test was officially recognised by DVLA at the time and swapped it for a UK licence. And to the examiner about my "accident". It took over 30 years since I had my first one and that was some idiot moped driver deciding to undertake me while I'd indicated to turn right (in Spain).
Now swapped my UK licence for a Spanish one and have to have a medical and a "reflex test" every 5 years (every 2 years after next year when I turn 70). The medical is a bit of a joke and, if you can walk into the centre by yourself, you've passed. The reflex text is watching a light enter a tunnel and then you press a button when you think it comes out the other side of the tunnel.
Of course, being a Spanish one, I am now allowed to drive 2 feet from the car in front of me and never, ever use indicators.
 
#63
The one that made me quit, was an Indian lady, a Doctor, who lived some distance from where she worked, so needed to commute to the hospital. The first lesson saw her try to pull out of a side road without slowing,indicating or looking (Dual controls thankfully) - once on the main road she stayed in first gear and just put her foot down !! All the time taking no notice of traffic, I took her home and told her husband to move nearer the hospital !!!
I heard a tale, from a good source, of a similar situation. A doctor from the Asian sub continent, member of a well to do family. Said doctor was driven everywhere, but managed to obtain a driving licence. On entering UK she bought a car and started to drive, whilst hardly knowing the bonnet from the boot.
 

Wordsmith

LE
Book Reviewer
#64
The one that made me quit, was an Indian lady, a Doctor, who lived some distance from where she worked, so needed to commute to the hospital. The first lesson saw her try to pull out of a side road without slowing,indicating or looking (Dual controls thankfully) - once on the main road she stayed in first gear and just put her foot down !! All the time taking no notice of traffic, I took her home and told her husband to move nearer the hospital !!!
Which rather describes the driving style in India itself.

When I went down there on business a few years back, the company I worked for hired a driver and car rather than let us just hire a car. On the way from the airport to the hotel, I found out why. A driver missed the exit slip off of the dual carriage way were were on. No problem, just do a neat 180 at the next available way off and drive the wrong way down the entry slip.

WFT!!!!

Wordsmith
 
#65
I was stationed at Chelsea when I did my driving course in land rovers. We used the back streets of Battersea and Queenstown for all the manoeuvres and I clipped the kerb and examiner, Les Sw****, who was also in the Bn, said you have failed but we will just carry on.

Next day had a different examiner, Dusty Sm*th,, and off we popped and redid the manoeuvres, ok you have passed and then he said ok drive up to Whetstone as I have stuff to pick at the house.
 
#66
Allegedly many moons ago three Toms from the far side of the Province went to Belfast to take their test. RCT examiner possibly SSgt was new to the Province. First tom driving other two in the back. Few miles into test some yobs threw rocks at the Rover. Prompt return to camp and three pass certificates given.
 
#67
My US test was a bit of a joke. Basically round the block and a couple reversing exercises.

I made three "errors" too. First one was at a stop sign. No line to stop at, but where the sign was, a few feet from the actual junction, I couldn't see if it was safe to proceed, so I stopped just past the sign at a point where I could see. "If there's no line, stop AT the sign".

Next one was this shuffling the wheel through the hands at 10 to 2. "No. Keep a firm grip of the wheel at all times".

Last one was pulling from a 2 lane road into a 4 land road (2 lanes each direction). I got in the "slow" lane when I crossed the first 2 lanes. "No, we want you to get in the lane nearest you first. Then change lanes".

Pile of shite.
 
#68
The reflex text is watching a light enter a tunnel and then you press a button when you think it comes out the other side of the tunnel.
Of course, being a Spanish one, I am now allowed to drive 2 feet from the car in front of me and never, ever use indicators.
Didn't you do, or did you forget, the 'keeping the ball between two lines using T-shaped handles computer game thing'? Very bizarre. Especially since every Spaniard is a **** driver, but has passed their test!
 
#70
I've got memories of a driving school in Poole called Boorman Gay Test, used to joke like it sounded like it was run by gay Nazis

Googling seems to throw up nothing, but then I haven't got Meerkatz elite google fu
 

skid2

LE
Book Reviewer
#71
My mum failed her test, she didn’t take it well. Returned home in bits. She became my auntie for identification purposes, stopped at a vcp, ‘no she hadn’t her bag with her and ‘insert rank’ was desperately sorry’.
It enabled her to drive until until she got her full licence. Never had an accident and possibly invented ‘tucking in’, behind ambulances and fire engines to get across town in a hurry.

A mate failed his test 6 times in Belfast and was advised to sit it ‘in the country where it’s easier’. He failed at least three times there too, that we know of.

An ex, failed hers, ‘ something trivial, he didn’t like me’. The something trivial was failing to stop at solid white line, from a minor to a major road.
We were ‘typical men, ******* picky’
She got her test and developed a career sideline writing off company cars. Believe me, she’s not missed.
I clobbered the back door of a fiat off the gatepost. She took it to my mechanic telling him, again ‘I don’t know how I did it. Don’t tell Skid’.
 
#72
Didn't you do, or did you forget, the 'keeping the ball between two lines using T-shaped handles computer game thing'? Very bizarre. Especially since every Spaniard is a **** driver, but has passed their test!
I think each of these places doing licence renewal and medical test have different ways of doing it.
Got my next text next February so I'll see if it's changed.
And it always surprises me that the Spanish driving test is supposed to be one of the hardest of all, especially when you can't just stick and L plate on and drive with your Mum and Dad. You have to be accompanied by a qualified instructor.
Pretty sure they get taught that using indicators increases your fuel consumption which is why they don't use them. Also driving in someone's slipstream will lower the amount of petrol you use.
And even though they've changed their silly rules about going round roundabouts (always use the right hand lane even if going all the way around) to using different lanes depending on where you are coming off (right hand lane for right and straight on, left hand lane for left and all the way around) most still stay on the right hand lane and it makes it a pain when coupled with the no indicator mentality.
 
#74
I took two stabs at my bike test and two at my car test.

First bike test failed. Second passed, with the examiner telling the instructor I was "an accident waiting to happen" (I did). He just couldn't find anything to fail me on.

First car test I had a huge examiner who breathed loudly through his nose. Getting the fiesta up steep hills with him in it was quite a feat, but he had to dual me for playing chicken with an oncoming bus. "Not the kind of driving I would expect off a seasoned motorcyclist" apparently. Well my bike would have made the gap, to be fair.

Second attempt, rubbed the kerb while reversing round the corner. Resigned myself to a fail. Back at base, examiner praises my diligence in stopping at a green light to let a fire engine go by. "I can tell you are an experienced motorcyclist". Passed, to my utter astonishment. I very nearly argued the toss.
 
#75
Just to brag a bit.
Car test (In a Landrover) pass first time,
HGV Class 3, passed first time,
HGV Class 2, passed first time,
HGV Class 1, passed first time
Institute of Advanced Motorist, Pass first time.
















































We won't talk about DofT Approved Driving Instructors, Driving Test. I fucked that one up twice.
 
#76
First test I (thought) I drove fine but got failed for some nefarious reason. Second was a fair cop. Third I passed.

In the weeks running up to the successful attempt, I had chinned off my driving instructor, going out with a relative on my provisional. We later found out the instructor had early onset dementia, always wondered why he forgot much I owed him at the end of every lesson.

On the morning of the final test, took a wrong turn up a one way street much to said relatives horror on the way to the centre. Passed!

On a different note, I remember a very good looking co-student (who ended up as a sought after Escort in Cardiff Bay) telling me how her driving examiner had offered her an exchange of favours shall we say in order to pass. A practice which I am led to believe wasn't as rare as you'd think. This was in 2001, so no doubt times have moved on, I hope.
in early 2000's PM me the name...…..

I passed my test further up the valleys second time around. First test had a c8nt of a examiner who failed me for clipping the kerb whilst parallel parking. Shouting F*CK IT! did not help. Failed by Oral reason given to end test. The cheeky chappy. This was 96 with the introduction of the theory test, I was one of the first to take it. There was a slack in the practical test so a rebook easy. Three days later jumps back in the car and pass with one minor fault. The tester was retiring and could not give a dam. :0
 
#77
Leconfield a long time ago. My first intro apart from being made to march with the girls (for taking the piss) was by the Badge. His words were and I paraphrase. If you have a problem with your instructor/examiner, don't kick his head in. It did happen.
Leconfield again, way back, forget what the morning parades were called (muster I suspect), but all the basic drivers would turn out with pollished over the shoulder lunch satchels to be inspected by a very lovely Welsh Guard CSM. I suspect he was a lonely fellow having been banished to the North and the land of Loggies, Rickshaws, and AAC potential drivers. He would always invite back to his office for tea, bickie's, and long chats about how much he missed Pirbright, those of us not yet assigned instructors. Lovely fellow, but I have a feeling he might have been posted there because he was just too nice!
There was also a large contingent from 1 PARA there at this time, one would be RTU'd almost daily.
 
#78
Did my driver training courtesy of the RAF down at St Athan, so lots of driving around Barry before sitting the test in Cardiff. Failed the first one for stalling it once too often but passed the second.

The HGV trainees had an instructor they called "The laughing assassin" who would tell you at the end of the test either "I'm sorry to say you've passed" or "I'm happy to report you've failed".

Mate of mine was doing his test when he came to a bus pulled over to pick up passengers. He did al the good stuff, and pulled out to overtake. Halfway along the length of the bus the bus driver pulled out (then put his indicator on) and sideswiped my mate. Once the ensuing paperwork had been resolved and the instructor had yelled at the bus driver for being a ********, my mate was told he'd failed. When asked why the instructor said "you live aorund here you should have known the bus drivers are ********* and either not overtaken or given him more room"
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#79
Which rather describes the driving style in India itself.

When I went down there on business a few years back, the company I worked for hired a driver and car rather than let us just hire a car. On the way from the airport to the hotel, I found out why. A driver missed the exit slip off of the dual carriage way were were on. No problem, just do a neat 180 at the next available way off and drive the wrong way down the entry slip.

WFT!!!!

Wordsmith
In the 80s and 90s in nepal, they used to section off a small piece of link road outside Kathmandu for driving tests. Drive 100 metres, turn the car, drive back and then park inside a set of cones.
Pass depended upon colour of rupee note you handed the examiner.
Though obviously if you were rich enough you could pay one of the professional test sitters to take the exam for you!
Apparently these chaps could take as many as 10 tests a day with the same examiners!
 
#80
I did my test as part of a training group with work. After 4 days full time training with alternating with another lad I was ready.

Two examiners came out and the other lad nearly crumpled. 'hitler' as he seemed to of have become known was an ex-fireman. This lad had failed last week with him. I volunteered to go with our firefighter.

I passed but I got a minor for leaving the wipers on for too long. :rolleyes:
 
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