Driving Test disaster stories.

[no f in beer]

My 'favourite' pupil, was a Busty 17yr old lass who started lessons at the beginning of summer, excellent driver, but did insist on wearing 'flimsy' outfits that left little to the imagination. In the end i had to have a word with mum because it was getting daft, and very distracting. Although she did dress to impress on her test day - flew through, no errors, just co-incidence though

 

[HappyNomad]

Not driving test but driving cadre... we had this thing where we would go off each day and drive round der vaterland until 'naafi break' when we all arrived at the Paderborn Toc H for tea and cakes etc. Three or four Series land rovers, instructors and a dozen-ish trainees.

One day, our team, first out thought it would be good to 'modify' the last group's vehicle (electrically). Under the bonnet was a junction/fuse box thingy with a number of spade connectors along each side. Within a nano second not one of those spade connectors was on its original spade.

Oh such fun... the fall out was mega as the vehicle had to be recovered back to Allenbrooke and unravelling the spaghetti was at the upper end of our LAD's ability. How those involved managed to keep their cadre places is still a mystery.

 

[Saturation]

Doesn't matter to me whether I am still alive or not.

But everebode else will still kno.

Winker.

Er... What exactly will everebode else will still kno?
I'm intrigued. Do tell me old love.
If you were to die before this year's SPOTY award nominations were announced, what would our fellow arrsers still know?
The drunken ramblings of an old fool perhaps?

Fight, fight everybody, Friday night fight and the pubs are still open.

 

[CrabfatBILL]

Way back when, a pal (RAF Firefighter) went down town to take motor bike test. Knackered old BSA of some such, told to start and ride off. Kicks it up where upon it bursts into flames, our hero dropped
burning bike and ran away.



CFB

 

[no f in beer]

The one that made me quit, was an Indian lady, a Doctor, who lived some distance from where she worked, so needed to commute to the hospital. The first lesson saw her try to pull out of a side road without slowing,indicating or looking (Dual controls thankfully) - once on the main road she stayed in first gear and just put her foot down !! All the time taking no notice of traffic, I took her home and told her husband to move nearer the hospital !!!

 

[jinxy]

First test was going great then we got to our third and final roundabout and some **** in a black Corsa indicated to leave on my junction. I went into the gap, he changed his mind, flipped off his indicator and came within a foot of rear ending us. I had just enough time to get my foot down and go right up to the back of a lorry to avoid a collision.

I was feeling super chuffed to have got away with it, until the examiner told me to pull into a lay-by, got out the car and told me the test was abandoned on account of dangerous driving.

"Why did you pull out in front of that Corsa?"
"He was indicating to use my exit, but stayed on."
"Not that I saw..."
"Well, he was."
"If you say so. Wait here till your instructor turns up."

6 weeks later. Same car. Same route. Same examiner.... and I pass with just one minor for undue caution at junctions.
I wonder why?

Leconfield a long time ago. My first intro apart from being made to march with the girls (for taking the piss) was by the Badge. His words were and I paraphrase. If you have a problem with your instructor/examiner, don't kick his head in. It did happen.

 

[Ho2331]

Not driving test but driving cadre... we had this thing where we would go off each day and drive round der vaterland until 'naafi break' when we all arrived at the Paderborn Toc H for tea and cakes etc. Three or four Series land rovers, instructors and a dozen-ish trainees.

One day, our team, first out thought it would be good to 'modify' the last group's vehicle (electrically). Under the bonnet was a junction/fuse box thingy with a number of spade connectors along each side. Within a nano second not one of those spade connectors was on its original spade.

Oh such fun... the fall out was mega as the vehicle had to be recovered back to Allenbrooke and unravelling the spaghetti was at the upper end of our LAD's ability. How those involved managed to keep their cadre places is still a mystery.

Opps... When I passed my driving test, I bought myself a little Ford Fiesta as a run around.
I'd had my licence for only about six months, but thought that I was the bees knees when it came to driving.
I was driving home late one night, and it was absolutely pissing down. So much so that a section of the road that dipped under a bridge completely flooded. I drove though it as if I was driving a bus or something.
Just as I made it out of the other end of the bridge, the car just coughed and splattered to a complete stop. Fortunately, I managed to just make it to the side of the road.
I didn't have a mobile phone in them days.
Anyway, after opening up the bonnet and trying to tinker around with things, i managed to burn myself, and take off the leads to the spark plugs. It didn't even occur to me to remember in what order they went.
Disaster.
Fortunately, I was only stranded at the side of the road for about four hours before a bloke stopped and helped me out.
A valuable lesson learnt that night, I can tell you.

 

[FourEM]

Out on the bike 1 day and I happened upon another biker taking the test ; usual big assed BMW following the examinee.
Stop sign at a junction and the examinee goes ; examiner stops and gets propelled from his machine by a rather angry woman who jumps out and starts giving it volume about "why did you stop and *****ing instructors "

Cue much hilarity as the DSA bloke understandably calls for the old bill whilst explaining about what the DSA is and would madam like a highway code refresher

 

[MrBane]

One for you ex instructors. After reading about all the sexual harassment issues with instructors and pupils, I had considered moving into the business, but genuinely, isn't the wear and tear on the car huge?

Do they also end up with much of a pay packet once all costs paid for?

 

[Maninthestreet]

Bike practical (riding about a bit with a pedestrian watching)
The chap disappeared and apparently had bought a paper while "watching me".
Car test: Stalled three times, forced my way through some traffic. Nailed it.
Easy peasy
Aptitude and attitude was the thing.

 

[Nignoy]

After returning from germany ,I applied for a job as Specialised HGV driver with a company called Independant Express(bright Pink MAN Trucks),was invited to take a company driving test, no problems left the warrington depot with a 40 foot trailer full of fittings and furniture for a pub in Chester,no problems getting there,on arrival had to reverse down a narrow alleyway into the yard at the back of the pub,got into yard alright but could not turn because their were 2 cars parked in the way,after an hour of shunting back and forth, the tester turning py=urple puffing smoke out of his ears, screamed at me to get the cars moved, the landlord came out put the cars in the garage, the tester was in the drivers street ready to show me how it was done, with lots of revs and spinning wheels he spun the trailer round, clipping the corner of the garage, completely collapsing it on the 2 cars,I was surprised when I got the job, by the way the tester is well known amongst reme old and bold, Sgt Dave (hole in One) Jackson , known amongst 7 armoured in Fally as Doctor Death

 

[DavidBOC]

Back when in 1963 I took my driving test in Connecticut in my mothers car. This was before cars had seatbelts (at least in the US). Driving down a street with cars parked on both sides. I saw a ball bounce out between two parked cars and jammed on the brakes. As I did a little black boy darted out after the ball. The examiner went flying into the windshield. I immediately assumed that I had flunked the exam. The examiner said "Whew holy shit, good reflexes kid, I thought we had the little (insert name of Gibson's dog). Head back to the office kid, you passed"

 

[Morticiaskeeper]

There was an examiner in St George, Bristol that was known to be a ****. If you had Mr Ball, your instructor spent your test filling out the paperwork for a retest, knowing that you would fail.

I had him twice

I now do upwards of 50k a year.

 

[A signaller]

See you at SPOTY 2018, since you are a prime contender. Not surprised to find out that that your daughter is as useless as you. I susspy a trend here.

Thread drift, keep the slagging in the NAAFI. Just a bit of friendly advice.....Very infantile.

 

[no f in beer]

One for you ex instructors. After reading about all the sexual harassment issues with instructors and pupils, I had considered moving into the business, but genuinely, isn't the wear and tear on the car huge?

Do they also end up with much of a pay packet once all costs paid for?

Hmmm, you can make money, but you have to grind out the first few years building reputation. The normal start is via a franchise, they source the car,no idea of costs now, but £100pw for car and client list would not surprise me, i guess £25 an hour, change car every 2 years. never had a accident but clutch can get a bit warm!!. After a year i realised it was not for me (it took best part of a year to qualify), and moved on to driving big lorries, less scary

 

[dingerr]

Had never driven until joined up. Did my training for my Cat B at Bovington.

Failed twice on two assessor interventions.

First one, taxi parked up facing me on one side, HGV thundering down oncoming lane. Driving along quite happy, taxi starts to pull out, driving towards me and crossing over into my lane, cos he's a taxi ****.

Imagine the boat scene in Last Crusade and that was me putting my foot down to make the gap as t got narrower. He grabs wheel and veers us off. Argument ensues.

Second one, roundabout approaching, see gap so floor it to make it, he applies the brakes the ****.

Cat Have at Bovington, pass first time no problems. Go figure. Partly because the assessor was out the commanders hatch screaming at a **** in a Jag for cutting us up.

Sent to Leconsfield for C licence to drive the Jackals. Failed three times and sent back to Regiment.

Small shit, clipping kerb, crossing a solid white, etc.

Master Driver at Regt gets me in as he's an assessor.
"You'd better pass this you ****"

Off we go around Windsor. Great drive. Flawless. Last 400m to home and finish and I cross over the white roundabout, hit the kerb, mount half the truck on the pavement and drive half along the pavement for a good 60m before managing to pull it back onto road.

Pass.

I've got an offer of my Cat D in the police. Asked if the assessor leaves the room during the theory test and if a copy of the highway code is left conveniently lying around.

Apparently not.

That’s a long winded way of saying you’re shit.

 

[dingerr]

I passed my driving test on my fourth attempt.

I passed my high threat course on my fourth attempt.

Anyone need a lift?

 

[Issi]

One of my friends from Basic spent 3 or 4 days driving round and round Leconfield trying to get used to driving.
On the last day he drove clean over a roundabout, and was told that he couldn't continue with his B3 drivers course, and therefore had to leave the AAC. I think he went to the LI. But it was late 86 and so my memory is hazy.
Nice bloke but a bit daft

 

[Dark_Nit]

Complete disaster with No.1 son.

First of all he cost me £1,000 to get him insured, God knows how many lessons because of a "waiting list" at the local centre andthe the little sod passed first time with only one minor. Cost me another £900 for the insurance!!!

Great for him, costing me a fortune.

 

[jinxy]

One of my friends from Basic spent 3 or 4 days driving round and round Leconfield trying to get used to driving.
On the last day he drove clean over a roundabout, and was told that he couldn't continue with his B3 drivers course, and therefore had to leave the AAC. I think he went to the LI. But it was late 86 and so my memory is hazy.
Nice bloke but a bit daft

One of my Junior leader intake never managed to pass his driving test at Leconfield. He did make it to 1 Regt AAC for a few years, as an untrained soldier. He left of his own volition.