Driving Test disaster stories.

#1
Ladies and Gents,
A bit of a light hearted post for a friday night. But I'd like to see whether any of you know of anyone, or even yourselves perhaps - who have failed the practical driving test multiple times!
My eldest daughter failed her practical driving test for the fifth time this week!
She passed the theory test first time around, but in three months time, it will be over two years... Yes, you did read that correctly... Two years, since she passed the theory test, so if she doesn't pass the practical part within that time, she will have to retake the theory test, because it is only valid for two years.
It isn't even as if she is failing at the practical test for the same errors. Every single test that she has taken, she has failed for totally different reasons.
This week, it seems that her general driving was fine, but she failed on the 'control and observation' skills, when she was asked to carry out the parallel park manoeuvre.
So far, she has failed twice because the Examiner had to take physical action. Another time for telling a driver to 'go fück himself'. And not forgetting the time that she just 'forgot how to drive'. Which must have been the shortest driving test in history!
Unfortunately, this latest failure has really upset her, and she has now said that she intends to give up on the idea of driving.
I hope not.
So come on, let's hear your stories of driving test nightmares.
Surely, she cannot be Britain's worst driver? Can she?
 
#3
Oooh, i was a Driving Instructor for just over a year. Didn't think anything could scare me, but went off to drive big lorries, as it was much safer! The shortest time for one of my pupils on test was about 1 min of driving, took out 3 wing mirrors of parked cars less than 100 yards from test centre. My pass rate was good, but some of the failures were baffling. Really good drivers, wasting money on lessons, but just stalled at the test
 
#4
I drove over the kerb driving out of the test centre. Which was in fact a TA centre in Leicester and some RLC bloke examining me. I just wanted to get it over with after that, and drove the rest of it perfectly. Pass :)
 
#5
I spent a couple of years as an HGV driving instructor and was often asked if there are "quotas" for examiners to fill.

There are, and there aren't. Each test centre has an average pass rate, and any examiner who passes or fails above or below this rate is likely to be "check tested' which they don't like. It happens occasionally anyway, but nobody wants to be check tested more than necessary. So if your examiner has passed several on the bounce, you're going to fail, even if you are God's own driver; he'll find a reason. Likewise, if he's failed several, then he needs a pass, then you're on a winner.

Incidentally, Mrs Ancient failed 8 times before she got through. Once for going the wrong way down a one way street and once for swearing at the examiner. She scares the living s+++ out of me. She has recently hit an oak tree because she "didn't see it", popped tyre because she sneezed and reversed into a bollard because it was "in the way".
 

MrBane

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#6
Had never driven until joined up. Did my training for my Cat B at Bovington.

Failed twice on two assessor interventions.

First one, taxi parked up facing me on one side, HGV thundering down oncoming lane. Driving along quite happy, taxi starts to pull out, driving towards me and crossing over into my lane, cos he's a taxi ****.

Imagine the boat scene in Last Crusade and that was me putting my foot down to make the gap as t got narrower. He grabs wheel and veers us off. Argument ensues.

Second one, roundabout approaching, see gap so floor it to make it, he applies the brakes the ****.

Cat Have at Bovington, pass first time no problems. Go figure. Partly because the assessor was out the commanders hatch screaming at a **** in a Jag for cutting us up.

Sent to Leconsfield for C licence to drive the Jackals. Failed three times and sent back to Regiment.

Small shit, clipping kerb, crossing a solid white, etc.

Master Driver at Regt gets me in as he's an assessor.
"You'd better pass this you ****"

Off we go around Windsor. Great drive. Flawless. Last 400m to home and finish and I cross over the white roundabout, hit the kerb, mount half the truck on the pavement and drive half along the pavement for a good 60m before managing to pull it back onto road.

Pass.

I've got an offer of my Cat D in the police. Asked if the assessor leaves the room during the theory test and if a copy of the highway code is left conveniently lying around.

Apparently not.
 
#7
Oooh, i was a Driving Instructor for just over a year. Didn't think anything could scare me, but went off to drive big lorries, as it was much safer! The shortest time for one of my pupils on test was about 1 min of driving, took out 3 wing mirrors of parked cars less than 100 yards from test centre. My pass rate was good, but some of the failures were baffling. Really good drivers, wasting money on lessons, but just stalled at the test
That's the thing. Every single instructor that she has had have all said that they couldn't see why she does so badly on her test.
Her mum and I, thought that she's failing because she is nervous, but 'nerves' didn't affect her when she sat her GCSE and A-level exams.
My ex wife, is a fantastic driver. Far better than me tbh, and she went out with my daughter and one of her previous Instructors for a mock test. And my ex wife told me that she thought that she had driven really well.
It's a bloody mystery mate. One that is becoming very expensive too!
 
#8
I took my first driving test in Bristol. I got half-way round the course and found a dog asleep in the middle of the road. I slowed down and gave it a blast on the hooter. The dog leapt to its feet and ran into the front of the car with a a bloody loud clang. I failed the test because I passed too close to the one of the other two cars.

Passed my second test in Liverpool. My instructor insisted that we should get to the test centre by 0730 and park up. Consequently, I would be be first candidate onto the road. From the amount of crumbling on the car-park wall opposite, loads of other "drivers" failed even before their test.
 

MrBane

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#9
That's the thing. Every single instructor that she has had have all said that they couldn't see why she does so badly on her test.
Her mum and I, thought that she's failing because she is nervous, but 'nerves' didn't affect her when she sat her GCSE and A-level exams.
My ex wife, is a fantastic driver. Far better than me tbh, and she went out with my daughter and one of her previous Instructors for a mock test. And my ex wife told me that she thought that she had driven really well.
It's a bloody mystery mate. One that is becoming very expensive too!
Make her pay for it. Bet she passes then!
 
#10
That's the thing. Every single instructor that she has had have all said that they couldn't see why she does so badly on her test.
Her mum and I, thought that she's failing because she is nervous, but 'nerves' didn't affect her when she sat her GCSE and A-level exams.
My ex wife, is a fantastic driver. Far better than me tbh, and she went out with my daughter and one of her previous Instructors for a mock test. And my ex wife told me that she thought that she had driven really well.
It's a bloody mystery mate. One that is becoming very expensive too!

Would you consider re-adjusting whatever it it is beneath your avatar ? I am old, I am boring, I might appear as pompous, because you are thick, but I never lie.
 
#11
Make her pay for it. Bet she passes then!
She pays for her own lessons mate. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to believe that she is the highways equivalent of the Only Fools And Horses character Uncle Albert. Who had every ship that he sailed on, sunk from underneath him!
 
#13
Had never driven until joined up. Did my training for my Cat B at Bovington.

Failed twice on two assessor interventions.

First one, taxi parked up facing me on one side, HGV thundering down oncoming lane. Driving along quite happy, taxi starts to pull out, driving towards me and crossing over into my lane, cos he's a taxi ****.

Imagine the boat scene in Last Crusade and that was me putting my foot down to make the gap as t got narrower. He grabs wheel and veers us off. Argument ensues.

Second one, roundabout approaching, see gap so floor it to make it, he applies the brakes the ****.

Cat Have at Bovington, pass first time no problems. Go figure. Partly because the assessor was out the commanders hatch screaming at a **** in a Jag for cutting us up.

Sent to Leconsfield for C licence to drive the Jackals. Failed three times and sent back to Regiment.

Small shit, clipping kerb, crossing a solid white, etc.

Master Driver at Regt gets me in as he's an assessor.
"You'd better pass this you ****"

Off we go around Windsor. Great drive. Flawless. Last 400m to home and finish and I cross over the white roundabout, hit the kerb, mount half the truck on the pavement and drive half along the pavement for a good 60m before managing to pull it back onto road.

Pass.

I've got an offer of my Cat D in the police. Asked if the assessor leaves the room during the theory test and if a copy of the highway code is left conveniently lying around.

Apparently not.
LECON-FCUKING-FIELD. Not LECONS-FCUKING-FIELD!!!!
 
#15
I failed first one for reasons I'll never understand. Second time I passed and 3 marks on my whole sheet - said to instructor 'anything you'd suggest I work on' and the git marked me up 3 more times for observation.
Family member has just passed their HGV test on third go - that was by all accounts a bit of a challenge.
 
#16
Would you consider re-adjusting whatever it it is beneath your avatar ? I am old, I am boring, I might appear as pompous, because you are thick, but I never lie.
Evening Pete. Thank you for your valuable contribution to the thread. Anything worthwhile to add old chap?
No. I thought not.
 
#17
That is not a bad idea, when kids paid for lessons themselves it tended to focus the mind

Fully agree, I paid for about 10 lessons for 2nd daughter @£20 a pop. and she then decides she's not cut out to be a driver, scared of other drivers, terrified of roundabouts, etc. end of lessons. My other girls paid for themselves. Now all competent drivers, and both bought their own wheels, with no help from the bank of mum and dad.
 
#19
I passed my car test first time and my tank test first time, but failed my HGV3 by doing something daft. Come the retest I get in and we are driving out of the barracks [think German cobbled big blocks type barracks] when I clip a kerb and the Bedford lurches sideways- Oh Fukk thinks I - that's it, so I might as well relax. Get to the end and it's 'Well done, here's your pass cert'. I asked 'But what about the kerb? He laughed and explained it was physically impossible to get round that particular corner without hitting it and he found it relaxed people to get a howler out of the way early!
 
#20
I spent a couple of years as an HGV driving instructor and was often asked if there are "quotas" for examiners to fill.

There are, and there aren't. Each test centre has an average pass rate, and any examiner who passes or fails above or below this rate is likely to be "check tested' which they don't like. It happens occasionally anyway, but nobody wants to be check tested more than necessary. So if your examiner has passed several on the bounce, you're going to fail, even if you are God's own driver; he'll find a reason. Likewise, if he's failed several, then he needs a pass, then you're on a winner.

Incidentally, Mrs Ancient failed 8 times before she got through. Once for going the wrong way down a one way street and once for swearing at the examiner. She scares the living s+++ out of me. She has recently hit an oak tree because she "didn't see it", popped tyre because she sneezed and reversed into a bollard because it was "in the way".
Failed the first time after clocking up god knows how many miles as a despatch rider all over London.
All was going well until the approach to a traffic light controlled smallish roundabout.
I am on the handbrake as I am on a pretty steep incline.
Its clear and a green light for me, so I do the hill start and then some twat runs the lights and comes tearing around the roundabout like a loon.
I was a bit nervous and shocked, so hit the breaks, a bit hard but did not encroach onto the roundabout or even leave the road that was on the approach.
Result, FAIL for insufficient observation emerging from a junction.
On passing the second time, I asked the different examiner if he had any advice, and he said no, apart from use the mirrors a bit more which In hindsight I thought a bit odd, as he had cancelled the emergency stop part of the test and pointed out to me that he was aware that I knew that there was someone up my arse because he could see me using the mirrors, and he was surprised I failed the first time.

He then asked who had failed me the first time, I did not know the guys name but described him.
All I got back from him was a knowing look and a HMMMM.
 
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