Driving like a Cnut

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by wg100, May 15, 2007.

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  1. What is it with people and driving? Does nobody have common sense any more?
    It's been pissing it down this afternoon. Just drove back from work, the majority of which is on a dual carriageway. The rain was so heavy the vis was down to around 100m or less, with a lot of water on the road. Hence I was driving around 45-50 on the nearside, keeping a good distance from the car ahead.
    There were still numerous vehicles (BMWs and white vans mainly) screaming past in the outside lane, virtually bumper to bumper... is the concept of stopping distances lost as soon as you get into one of these vehicles?
    There were times where I was on the verge of aquaplaning even at the (relatively) low speed I was going at. I was just waiting for someone to spin out in front of me.
    Then, going down a single lane stretch, I had some knobber in a white van sit on my bumper in the same conditions (again, my speed was quite low).
    It's times like that I wish I had a scrolling sign like the police have, but to remind people to keep the fcuk back. It's fine for him in his van if he has to stop suddenly, but I'm more concerned about me getting squished...

    Bring back traffic cops and start educating idiot drivers.
  2. Invariably, they arre company cars so they tend not to give a fcuk. I've always been of the opinion, that when I see a BMW, it's going to be someone who considers the road for their own personal use.
  3. BMW's don't understand stopping distance!!
    each time you leave a 50m or so, one of them pulls into it!! Grrrrrr

    wonder if there is something in the BMW car owners manual that says "people will leave gaps for your use on the road! please feel free to pull into them without warning or using your indicators! do not be alarmed if they honk their horn or flash their lights, they are merely flattering you on buying such a good car!"
  4. I hear what you are saying Mate.
    There really are some ARRSE holes on our roads.

    But maybe this is what you need, to inform the Motorised Scum to

    Back the Fcuk Off.. :twisted: :censored:

    Attached Files:

  5. The thing that gets me about BMW's is that they are fairly pricey and for that money you would expect the indicators and seat belts to work.
  6. Where do I get one?!
  7. BMWs must also come equipped with radar if the way their drivers overtake in fog is anything to go by
  8. Construction and use regulations mean anything or are you trying to drum up business? ;)
  9. A good game to play on the motorway is to count how many german cars you can find in the inside (slow) lane. If you find more than 5 in a 20 mile stretch it's your round!
  10. People who drive up your arse are what I really find annoying. If someone f'ucks up and pulls out on me by accident or if they make a mistake I don't bang on my horn and shout abuse at them because everyone makes mistakes and road rage is for gays who are trying to look hard or superior. But them c'unts who drive up your arse really do p!ss me off. You wouldn't walk behind someone in the street like that after all.

    I know what these people are thinking though because my mate Stevey G drives like this. He gets right up people's arses on purpose. The reason for this is because they think it's a display of superior driving. Everytime I have a go at him for it he makes a comment about his reactions being so good. He also does it for the intimidation factor as he gets a kick out of making more cautious drivers feel uncomfortable ... as though they are slowing him down. This is what they all think like.

    There's nothing to be done against this c'u'nt like behaviour really. I tell him it's an example of bad driving ... which winds him because he prides himself on being a sh!t hot driver ... but if you never get to speak to the tw4ts then you can't take the p!ss.

    Don't slam your breaks on though. People who say do that are morons begging to get their cars f'ucked up. Even if it's his fault it's best not to have a claim or go through the trouble of fixing your motor. What I do is gradually slow down to p!ss them off. Slow to a hault. Then when they are sitting right behind you think "what the f'uck???" wheel spin off with your hazards on. This trick p1sses them off and warns them away. It especially winds lorry drivers up as it takes them ages to speed up again.

    BTW - I'm no pussy driver though I once drove me Dad's Subaru Impreza 150 mph down the oposite side of the motorway to help him pursue some terrorists. I did this while he set up his mortar and fired it through the sun roof to take down a car that was literally miles away and only showing on his secret SAS satalite tracker. However, best stay safe when you aren't pursueing the enemy.
  11. Here you go matey,
    And no i'm not the Manufacturer or supplier....Ex_Stab... :wink:

    Just scroll down the web page to find it near the bottom.. :wink:

  12. I've often wished that I could have their front and rear camera. If it was possible to work pro-rata on filming fuckhead drivers on mobiles, reading maps, causing near-accidents, I'd earn enough to have my own fleet.
  13. I used to be one!!!
    Trying to tell some jumped upW@#$%R as discribed above, who thinks he's a good driver, that he his driving sucks (Put far more politely, of course) requires an enormous amount of restraint, when he/she goes off on one...... Ex wife kept reminding me, I'd had minimum of 15 weeks intensive driver training and most muppets on the road, scrape through a basic test, then that's it.

    Me: "Excuse me sir. I've stopped you because your indicators are not working".
    Reply: "Yes they are officer".
    Me: (near the end of long and busy shift)(No excuse): "May I suggest you bloody well use them then!!!". (About turn, back to the jam sandwich and drive awy. (He couldn't have clocked me collar number, cos no complaint came through).

    Left meself wide open for the obvious slagging now, but we weren't all blinkered jobs worths....
  14. The police are the f'uckin worst actually. There have been a few times when I've been driving along steadily and an impatient copper has been driving right up me arse with his sirens blaring. I mean what's the point? Police should know better than that. I'm driving steadily, keeping to the speed limit and he's right up me arse with his sirens on desperate to get past. Morons.
  15. Personally I think that's good drills.

    Got the message across, made him see the error of his ways and feel a right cnut to boot and didn't wind up with a fine / points. Wouldn't work with everyone but I think the majority of people would take that one on the chin.

    I must be honest, whilst these fcukwits do annoy me I try to ignore them and keep out of their way but the worst ones of all are the pillocks who whizz past your left side at a rapid rate of knots.