As a young OCdt, I was caught fair and square by Surrey’s Finest doing c120 mph on the M25 trying to get back before curfew. For extra kudos, I had an averagely attractive female OCdt with me and of course, as a result of being stopped, I did miss curfew and was duly punished with endless Show Parades, showing self not being late.
I assumed I was going to be totally screwed by the law and duly started to put away a hefty whack of my pay, towards the enormous fine I was going to get.
However, I did not account for the incredible oratory skills of my Assisting Officer that day from the Academy, who was one of the Pl Commanders, who in retrospect probably preferred a trip to court over Drill.
As I stood nervously in front of the beak, I duly pled guilty, expressed severe remorse for wasting police and court time and braced myself for the inevitable punishment.
The Judge - a rather elderly, wise gentleman (aren’t they all?) - asked that before he pronounced sentence, he noted I had an Assisting Officer and would he like to say a few words? Luckily, he would.
“OCdt Partridge, your Honour, had already recieved a
severe military punishment for being late back on duty, and I would respectfully ask the Court to take this into account.”
“I see...” said the Judge. “And, could you kindly explain the impact of OCdt Partridge losing his licence?”
“Of course, your Honour. The impact on the Nation itself would be most severe! Why, without a valid driving licence, OCdt Partridge would be unable to command military vehicles, leaving them without leadership and direction. Ultimately, vital supplies may not be able to to be delivered in military situations such as delivering front line ammunition, or delivering aid to starving African children!”
“I see...” considered the Judge. “And how long has Partridge left to study at RMAS before he has to undertake these vital National duties?”
“
Three weeks, your Honour.”
“Noted. Partridge, you are banned from driving for
two weeks and fined £200 and never let me see you again.”
Result.
TL

R - Get a shi
t hot Assisting Officer.