Given that we are slipping into a Police state, with ID cards, detention without trial, summary justice, ASBOs etc, I want to make a suggestion that would have real social value and fit right in with the authoritarian UK we are coming to terms with. Drinking licenses. There are too many utter gimps out there who can't hold their ale. I propose that you are only allowed to go on the pop if you can pass a few simple tests. The test would be as follows: The L - drinker meets the Examiner at the pub. They sit down, and the L-drinker has a pint (no girly bottles of WKD). The Examiner makes an innocuous comment like 'Your team ain't doing too well this season, eh?' The reaction is noted. L-Drinker has another, and is asked whether he fancies the barmaid (a Ministry of Drinking employee, to be 32DD and blonde). The reaction is noted. A third pint, and crisps are offered - Can the L drinker crumple the packet up in such a way as to prrevent it clambering back out of the ashtray within 2 minutes? Pint 4, and the Examiner makes a reference to Little Britain (or Monty Python if the L drinker is over 35). Does the L drinker start quoting whole sketches word for word? Fail if so. Pint 5&6 are drunk at the pool table. Can the Candidate pot? Can he fail to pot without making a big song and dance about it? Pint 7, and the candidate is sent to the juke box. Any muisic is acceptable, but it is an instant fail to sing along or play air guitar, likewise to embark on an explanation of why this is 'his and Jenny's song, God I miss her' With the breaking of the Gallon, the Candidate is permitted to visit the Gents. Shoes to be checked for splashes on return. The 2 questions from pints 1&2 are re-iterated over Pint 9. It is a fail for the candidate to make any humourous boob-cupping gestures, say 'I would' or 'she'd get it' (unless done quietly). Any attempt to start a football- related fight is an instant fail. a quick double is issued prior to the outdoor part of the test. Can the L-Drinker negotiate his way to his house without waking up any neighbours, puking in any gardens, or leaving a trail of kebab salad and urine? These are my initial thoughts. I would welcome suggestions from the wise heads here on Arrse, before I contact Parliament. Obviously, this would only apply to civvies. Serving/ex squaddies are models of decorous behaviour regardless of the amount drunk.