Dr Thoms Advert - How Do they Do That?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by uncle_vanya, Nov 14, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I keep seeing and scratching my 'Manly Bits' at the advert at the top of the Forums.... "Dr Thoms - Sexually Transmitted Diseases Diagnosed by Post"

    Being a bit on the 'slow side'..... does that mean if I have a really bad Itch down below... and I have a stinking green snot lke discharge from ye bell-end... to have it 'Diagnosed' by post, all I have to do is w*nk into a 'Jiffy Bag', seal it up, take it to the local post office and post it off??

    This sounds better than going down to the local VD Clinic where I live.... It's right at the back of the local hospital near the back door to the staff canteen.... yuck...!!! The sniggers from the nurisng staff.... it's soooo embarassing..... :p :p
  2. Sixty

    Sixty LE Moderator Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Cyclists and Triathletes

    They're tailored personally to the recipient. It works by bouncing a UV beam from your monitor to the tinfoil in your kitchen cupboards and then onwards to your brain. This beam then transmits through your eyes back to the computer. A complicated algorithm then converts it to code and adjusts the advert accordingly.

    You dirty slapper.
  3. And I thought it was a 'Adword' type programme.
  4. is it true that VD is the only self-inflicted injury for which there is no penalty?
  5. Sooooo I don't have to w@nk onto a DVD and let it auto run on my system then?
  6. They do a phone consultation & if appropriate get you to go to one of their clinics (extra charge), or send you a pot & swabs in the post, you swab yourself & pee in a pot. Sometime later you get the results & treatment if needed, then charge you £50 to £150 before treatment for the service. The treatment costs £50 for something that costs the NHS £9

    Or go to your local clinic get your results quicker with consultation & treatment for free.

    Now spend the money you saved on tarts & hookers
  7. I just use condoms and save a fucking fortune.
  8. I had a medical complaint recently!
    I was asked to provide a stool sample and also a urine and semen sample.....I sent them a pair of my underpants in a jiffy-bag.
    hope that helps.
  9. Reminds me of working the desk at QEMH and clerking in some sweet Chelsea Pensioner, thinking how he reminded me of grandad, until I realised he was attending the pox clinic for the syph he picked up in Malaysia...dirty old man :lol:
  10. Or DIY.. half lint of caustic soda poured into the urethra.
  11. But going private does mean:-

    You'll get a free cup of tea.

    You're unlikely to meet any of your neighbours' teenage offspring scratching their crotch in the waiting room and wondering how to spell chlamydia.

    You wont finish your treatment minus a kidney due to a regrettable mistake that caused lessons to be learned regarding the employment of nurse practitioners from Uzbekistan.

    You wont walk in needing penicillin and walk out needing vancomycin.