Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by A_Knocker_Till_The_End, Apr 12, 2008.

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  1. Some of the finest double-entendres that were aired on British TV & Radio.

    1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

    2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

    3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is a really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

    4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford Crew."

    5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

    6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

    7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

    8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after getting a 69 yesterday."

    9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

    10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

    11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

    12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

    13. Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

    14. Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

    15.'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

    16.Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

    17. Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

    18. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

    19. James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

    20. Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

    21. The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

    22. Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."
  2. You missed out Johners on test match special "the batsman Holding the bowlers Willey"
  3. BBC news: Army intelligence reports . . . . . . . :)
  4. Double entendres? I'd give you one, but I'm drawing a blank...
  5. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Wasn't there a German midfielder called Kuntz? "And the Germans have got the ball - Kuntz".
  6. msr

    msr LE'm_Sorry_I_Haven't_a_Clue

    For example:

    "Samantha's going out now for an ice cream with her new Italian gentleman friend. She says she's looking forward to licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan."

    And (November 2006): "She's popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who's a notorious curmudgeon. However, she finds that if she butters him up properly she can sometimes get him to splash out."

    Another shows the extent to which the BBC allows these observations of Samantha's activities:

    "In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section."

    "A Mrs Trellis of North Wales has written in to complain that the show has 'an enormous fistful of rampant innuendo rammed into every crack', but only a truly filthy-minded person would think such a thing."

  7. My better half wanted to know what a double entendre I gave her one!
  8. Me commentating on Sharon Davies at the Olympics.

    ......I'd fooking give 'er one, BIG TIME!

  9. Harold 'Dickie' Bird putting his hand into his coat pocket whilst walking out of the Pavilion, " Ian, I've lost me marbles, I've lost me marbles"

    Botham, " Yeah, I know "
  10. Thats the winner for me.
  11. An alleged interview with Harry Redknapp after a player had made a significant second half contribution;

    Reporter: "Did you think about pulling him off at half-time?"

    Harry: "No. He had an orange like everyone else!" :D
  12. Jimmy Greaves to Karl-Heinz Rummenigge.

    "Sooo You're not going to be Captain of Germany anymore Rummenigge" ?

    Karl: "1) It's not a rumour and 2) stop calling me nigge".

    Old joke, New taxi, I'm off.
  13. One of Tim Brooke-Taylor's best was in describing Samantha's cooking skills, and how she loved 'Pork in Cyder'...