Dorkingabad Town Notice Board. All are welcome to place adverts or news items here

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by eodmatt, Jun 22, 2012.

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  1. Public Health Announcement
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  2. Goat flavoured condoms! Whatever next? Pork-fat lube!!!
  3. I never really got my head around what Mohammed (blessing and peace be upon him) might say about the prevalence of 'man love' among the tribal types.

    You'd awake in Kandahar to the peerless sound of the muezzin and find a group of boys sobbing and rubbing their arrses outside the tent where the ANA were having 40 winks.
  4. The translation from the Quoran states: ' Allah Aqba.... Thou shall observe his words, for the Prophet has declared: 'Boys for fun, birds for babies....' praise be upon him' etc.
  5. What would actually happen if you did go through with this? Would impregnation actually take place in some circumstances and what would the result be.
  6. It's actually been tried:

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  7. You're in trouble already. Mohammed received the words of God. Did he receive them in Arabic? It's probably haram to talk about such things, but I'm pretty sure there's nowt in the Koran about bum buggery; not in my well-thumbed copy anyway.

    It's probably a social (or anti social) thing.

    You're not allowed in Wahabi society to consort with women, unless you're accompanied by hordes of ullulating relatives. So you get your pleasure when you can.

    I recall a trip to an internet cafe in Kabul where the kid in the booth before me had forgotten to erase his internet searches. The screen was bulging with tits.

    The poor sod.

    I suppose it's why the Bennetton 'spring collection of women's bathing costumes' in a Dubai Mall provokes so much interest among visiting Saudi princes, beating down their erections as they drool at a dummy in the window with a bikini on.

    It's also why the pool cleaners in Dubai hotels pay particular attention to their duties while western women prostitute themselves before them in their wanton, if a bit flabby and sunburnt condition on the sunbeds.

    And it's why, if you are a babe and stand still for long enough in Marrakesh, a helpful local will sidle up behind you, pressing a magnificent stonker into your bum cheeks while you take a photo of Jemma el-Fnaar.
  8. Remove Marrakesh and Jemma el-Fnaar then replace with Newcastle and The Tyne Bridge.
  9. Quite so. Minus 30, with a gale blowing up the Tyne and lasses still wander up to the neet club, carrying their Dominoes Mighty Meaty Dominator pizza boxes on the look out for a shaaaaaaag.

    Meanwhile the Muslim asylum seekers are all in Netto, buying lottery tickets with their bennies.

    Was it E M Foster who said "only connect"?
  10. You missed "...but a melon for ecstacy".
  11. Nah. Forster.

    And Victoria Coren. The smug cunt.

  12. Thought the literal translation was "warm apple pie".
  13. I once read a book called "A melon for ecstasy". I don`t think there was any mention of melons, and certainly no mention of warm apple pies. It was about a perv who wandered around public parks equiped with a bit and brace. The pervs modus operandi was to drill a hole in tree trunks, and then to proceed to fuck the tree. If I remember correctly the local Plod were searching frantically for extremely large woodpeckers.
  14. You're right. E M Forster, climbing out of a cave full of Indian fruit bats, or getting his End away with Howard.

    Victoria Coren? What is she 'connecting'? Her daddy's influence and her career as a journo? Probably not. She gets upset if you mention the late pater's influence on impressionable editors over lunch in the Punch.
  15. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer