Dont Panic

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by lcp_jones, May 6, 2009.

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  1. The scene - No: 10.

    Frau Smidt.

    “Brilliant news PM, there’s a new virus in SA that’s killed loads a people.”

    ‘Whoopeeeeee’ says Von Braun... that’ll take their minds of the economy.”

    “But how are vee going to draw their attention to dit?” enquires Jacqui Smidt.

    “Tell them not to panic, that should do it.” Answers Von Braun. “You are a God.. Prime Minister.” grovels Harriet Herman.

    Next day: “The swines are still talking about the economy Herman what shall I do now.”?

    “We could tell them not to panic again sir.” “Yes try that, but this time we’ll hold a press conference, big it up a bit.”

    Smidt walks in. “I have some very bad news from South America Prime Minister.”

    ‘Well spit it out woman.”

    That makes a change she thinks.... “There are only actually a handful of deaths and indeed, you have much more chance of being hit twice on the same day by lightning, than catching Swine Flu and the people are NOT PANICKING following your advice not to panic.”

    Braun: “This kind of apathy could cost us our jobs, good news though. The USA and the European Parliament are all playing the same dirty tricks campaign and we’ve even got the WHO on board.”

    “Oh I’m having nothing to do with that.” cuts in Harlot Herman, “didn’t one of their lot get caught kiddy fiddling on the tinternet?”

    Braun falls into his seat with his head in hands and exclaims, “The World Health Organisation you stupid tart!”

    ‘This won’t do.” says Braun. “If they're not prepared to panic willy nilly over fek all, then there’s only one thing for it. I’ll write to each and every one of the sassenack bastards.”

    “What will you write Prime Minister?” asks Smidt, “I’ll tell em to wash their hands and not to panic.”

    “But they already wash their hands and they're not panicking PM.” Replied Herman.

    Braun jumps to his feet, visibly angry, with one red eye glaring, extending his index finger and pointing, shaking with rage, the finger only one cm from the nose of Herman and in a fit of anger he screamed. “Look you fekkin split arrse bitch. I know you’re after my fekkin job, well you can fek right off. I’m staying.. get the bastards panicking and fekkin hurry up about it you cock sucking whore.”

    Harlot Herman promptly drops her knickers to her ankles and bends over his desk shouting "Bum me! bum me! You know I can’t take it when you talk dirty like that, come on Bum me!”

    Smidt immediately runs over to Herman laying her head sideways on Herman's back looking into his eyes and says “Yes do Prime Minister, bum her and cum all over my face. you know we deserve it.”

    Unable to resist, Von Braun drops his trousers and makes a run toward them. But alas, he blows his load in his skids and the ladies are left wanting.

    But then his trousers drop to his ankles, he trips and falls head first towards Herman’s arrse. Harlot Herman for a moment screams oh PM you are so fucking hard as his head disappears inside her back door. Just then, the door opens, and in walks....

    Tune in to next weeks.
    Don’t panic!

    This episode of Don’t panic was brought to you by demented fuckwit with nothing better to do.
  2. Gordon Brown with his dick out?! Which end's the one eyed monster? The bell at the top or the bell in the mid-drift. Yuck, thanks for that image.