I just amused myself for the last fifteen minutes, by horrifying my work colleagues with embellished tales of forces related c-ock rot. Nothing is guaranteed to stagger a civvy office bloke more than a casually told anecdote about some of the lurg acquirable whilst on foreign tours. I work with guys, who, to a man have never even been into a knocking shop, let alone went bareback or stirred another mans porridge. One of them has admitted that heâs married to the first lady who let him shag her. Can you imagine anything as terrible? Heâs shagged one bird and heâs forty two. Of course, heâs the most avid listener whenever theres a forces related item on the news and someone says, âHey, Convoy, did you used to get up to that sort of stuff when you were in?â His eyes were on stalks this morning when I was telling him about the first prozzie I shagged in Belize. When I pulled my knob out at the end of the marathon 38 second humping I gave her, there was no johnny on there. As I watched open mouthed, she retrieved it in a style reminiscent of a zookeeper grabbing a fish from the back of a pelicanâs throat, and lobbed it over her shoulder. It landed on her bedside lamp, and after a few seconds, a faint wisp of spermy steam started to drift up off it. Terry, the one woman man, said, âFcuking hell, did you catch anything.â âYeah, just a little bit of the spunk on my eyebrowâ Itâs great sport terrifying them with some of the doses that can be caught. I was telling them about a lad called Fletch at Holdfast. The true story was that he got NSU and got filled in when someone caught him dose-skiffing the top of a beer bottle. When Iâd applied the civvie conversion, I had them believing that he went to the medics because his old man had swollen so badly overnight that it looked like a Pringles tin with a sheepâs heart on top. âWhat did he have, what did he have?â implored Terry. In mock serious tones, I said, âThe medic told him that heâd just looked it up in the book and that his dose was so bad, leprosy was one of the early symptoms.â I suppose itâs a skewed sort of waltish behaviour, big timing about spurious medical complaints, but it helps to reinforce the commonly held belief that all male squaddies are complete hetero tigers, with a casual disregard towards personal health issues. I would be interested to hear any other dose related anecdotes, so that I might employ them for my own use, thus ensuring that one-woman-Terry never strays far from the one fanny he knows well.