DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - ADVICE NEEDED

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by FredWest, May 31, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I need help rather quickly. My current Girlfriend, (I'm divorced, she's Separated) is having a lot of trouble with her Husband, she kicked him out over 9 months ago, paid him out over £30,000 the works, he sees his child every day, not because he wants to see his child, becuase he wants to keep tabs on her, he phone's her up when he's p1ssed, threatens to kill her, kill me allsorts.

    Now this has been going on for a while, and personally I just want to kick his c**t in, but as I want a releationship with this woman, I can't be seen to be the aggressor. He knows where I live and where I work, I'm not bothered about him at all, the guy's a d1ck, but he's scaring the life out of a woman who's 4' 11", weighs 7st 10lbs dripping wet, whereas he's 6' 2", 18st, but a fcuking knacker.

    Obviously I want to get involved, hell I am involved, but, he's never threatened me directly, only through her, and directed at her, ant ideas?
     
  2. If your girlfriend is based in Uk there are a few groups that can help her, like woman's aid, advise her to go to CAB that will be a good starting point anyway
     
  3. I know the coppers are useless, but it sounds like something they need to be involved with. Last I heard, they take death threats fairly seriously.

    I'm no expert, but whatever you decide to do, one thing I would start doing is keeping a log of incidents involving him (e.g. time of phone calls, exactly what was said). This way if it ever does come to something more serious, you can refer to specific instances, at specific times on specific dates.
     
  4. She's in the process of getting a Solicitor's letter to the tw@t, the thing is the child thinks the sun shines out of his arrse becvuase he takes him to a Working Men's Club whenever he has access and all he does is play with the other kids, the guy never actually sees him or bothers with him, so she wants to make it as painless for the boy as she can.

    Personally I think this scrote should have his b@lls removed with a blunt knife, made to swallow them whole and never see his child again.

    It's so frustrating knowing that I can do something about him, but not being able to becuase I'm the nice guy.
     
  5. Serious query?

    If so then the police should be involved. No question about that, other than whether your girlfriend is willing to do it. They WILL take such things seriously nowadays, and often a simple visit by them to hear his side will be enough to cool him down. If it isn't, then he's the type that really SHOULD be reported.

    Remember that if he tries to go further than threats at any time, the authorities can usually react a lot quicker and more decisively if the situation is already known to them.

    Any form of personal action by you against him will only serve to muddy the waters about who's the aggressor, so be careful.
     
  6. I'm no lawyer but was in a uniti which had a situation with one of its female troops a while back which was similar:

    She needs to keep a Log of all the occasions he contacts/threatens her and the content of any verbal exchange. Take this to the police and apply for a restraining order.

    Any threatening behaviour is bullying and taken quite seriously by our comrades in blue. She can always phone them when he starts. Having called them also looks good to the judge when a restraining order is applied for.

    Unfortunately its not advisable to get directly involved unless you are there when he starts.

    Hope this helps and gets sorted fast.

    I fcuking hate cowards like that who threaten women.
     
  7. Ummmm AVO might help as well? Is it possible you talk to the local plods and get some sort of restraining order taken against him? If nothing else he is harrassing you by threatening bodily harm unless UK laws are entirely different.
     
  8. Phone your local police station and ask to speak to domestic violence co-ordinator - have a quick informal chat as to best way for your partner to proceed to stop this behaviour before it escalates.
     
  9. Talk to the police. They have a Zero Tolerance campaign against domestic violence. She has to make the complaint though, Not you.

    Even though he has only threatened you indirectly you might still have a case for the police to pursue. Ask them.

    Personally I would have already beat the b@stard to within an inch of his life. After his actions how could anybody see you as the aggressor?
     
  10. I had a similar problem when Mrs MDN and I first got together.

    Her previous partner just couldn't let go and was more than a nuisance. I sat back and watched for a wee while before I had to bite the bullet and deal with it.

    I asked if she was comittied to me or him, asked her to make a decision based on that and went to visit him.

    Amicabally at first and that was ignored, so I I met up with him at his local golf club where I whispered these words in his ears.

    "Ever contact (Mrs MDN) again and you will be bundled into the boot of a car, taken to Bowden forrest and nailed to a tree" I then kissed him on the forehead and smiled a 'nutters' smile... making it look like I do that sort of thing alot.

    He appeared about three weeks later with a box of her belongings that he was clinging to and sheepishly left them at the bottom of the drive.
     
  11. he sees his child every day, not because he wants to see his child, becuase he wants to keep tabs on her



    the thing is the child thinks the sun shines out of his arrse becvuase he takes him to a Working Men's Club whenever he has access and all he does is play with the other kids, the guy never actually sees him or bothers with him, so she wants to make it as painless for the boy as she can.





    ok - not wanting to support anything wrong that this bloke may be doing, he genuinley does sound like a tosser of the finest order - however please dont confuse the two issues of his relationship with your G/F and the seperate issue of his relationship with his kid.

    both these comments sound very much like the type of shite that my ex made about me - that I was only trying to see the kids as a way of controlling her, that the kids recieved no benefit from contact with me, etc.

    took me a six month court battle without seeing them to prove that this was indeed bollocks, and that I wanted to see my kids - to the point now where my eldest wants to come and live with me - guess what, thats only because I spoil them rotten apparently... (for spoil rotten, read spend quality time with them, rather than ignoring them so I can play happy families with my new partner)

    there are always two sides to any story - just try to keep that in mind, and remember that there is always the possibility that a father really does love and miss his kids, regardless of the other stuff that is going on....

    kie
     
  12. You're all fcuking stars.

    I've recorded his latest threats from her voicemail onto my phone, but they are very unambiguous, he phones my phone when he's p1ssed, but my phone automatically cuts the cnut off, i've jsut activated my Voicemail in the hope that he'll threaten me directly, i've has a couple of texts of him as follows:

    "PICK UP THE PHONE SOFT TW@T, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, HAVE IT THE HARD WAY IF YOU WANT" & "U ARE ONE FCUKIN WUS"

    No as you may all be able to imagine, I've thought about inviting him for interview without coffee with a couple of guests, a seeing how he would like to be bullied in this manner.

    There's one added problem, the man also knows where my Ex Wife lives with my two children, Any ideas from the Boys in Blue?
     
  13. You must talk with the boys in blue, there is a lot they can do...... supply answer phones, panic buttons etc., you should also save all your messages from the tw@ that are on your mobile. it all takes time but it does work. It is your partners decision you are going to need to support her it sounds all cloak and dagger but the facilities are there at your local nick!

    all else fails one shovel + one dark night = solved :twisted:
     
  14. IaBrat,

    I understand what you mean about the Child, but I can assure you, it's as I've said it, the man has no interest in his son or my G/F, he's gutted that she's found the Balls to leave him, she's the guttsiest woman i've ever met, absolutely fantastic, let me just give you a little back ground:

    They'd been together for 16 years, she's 33, he's 38, more or less always lived single lives, he plays golf, bowls, manages a football team, is on the committee at the WMC, basically the man was never around, spends about £500pcm on Booze, went out 6 nights per week.

    When their son was born, he was born at 26 weeks, the man used to winge and bitch about going to see his son at the hospital becuase it interfeared with his drinking.

    I just want the cnut out of her life, or just to leave her alone without going down the physical route, but I can see no option.
     
  15. Fred - I'm not disbelieving anything that you've said at all, so please take this in the way that it is offered...


    I've heard some of the stories that my ex told other people, including one of her later boyfriends, about how terrible I was, how I was cruel and violent - and it really was bollocks, but she loved feeling like a victim and the way everyone rallied around offering her support and making her the centre of attention - never bothered to mention to anyone about her anorexia, self harming, panic attacks, etc.

    in fact the panic attacks probably made her believe to an extent that some of what she was saying was true - things like me going to court over the kids (having not seen them for two months) started off a panic attack that I was going to take them away from her, resulting in her claiming that I was only going to court to get at her - manifestly untrue but she probably genuinley believed it...


    now, I'm not saying that any of this applies to your G/F, but I know now how convincing my ex's act was (even convincing my own mother that I was a brute, until she saw all the medical reports about mental health issues)

    now - taking all that into account, and as I've said, my case sounds very different......

    The primary option for your ex is to go to a solicitors and apply at the local county court for a "non-molestation order".

    If there are threats of violence this can be applied for ex-parte (ie. it will be issued on the spot, without prior knowledge being given to him, and can be served on him by an officer of the court) in cases like this, a power of arrest will be attached to the order that if he uses or threatens violence again then he will be arrested on the spot by the bacon, and brought before the court to answer for his actions, with prison being an option

    Hope that helps.....