Dogs!

#1
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid cow..........why else would I buy fucking dog food??
 
#2
Blind_Pew said:
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid cow..........why else would I buy * dog food??
http://www.armyranger.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=25505&highlight=diet

Speedracer said:
I have an Old English Sheepdog.

I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

On impulse, I told her NO, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,
but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet
and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets
and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry
and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story,
particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to have help as he laughingly staggered to the door.
_________________

What a strange coincidence that you two had exactly the same experience.
 
#5
Tartan_Terrier said:
Blind_Pew said:
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid cow..........why else would I buy * dog food??
http://www.armyranger.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=25505&highlight=diet

Speedracer said:
I have an Old English Sheepdog.

I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

On impulse, I told her NO, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,
but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet
and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets
and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry
and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story,
particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to have help as he laughingly staggered to the door.
_________________

What a strange coincidence that you two had exactly the same experience.
HA HA HA HA HA HA !!! OWNED!!! :D :D
 
#6
Superb
 
#9
Ah tis a great story so...
 
#10
Ah ! that explains why I drag my arrse along the carpet at times, Grrrrrr

WW
 
#13
Epic............bill for new keyboard and screen on way..........come on, missus, we're off to Tescos to try a new one out!!
 
#16
Agreed. It's still funny no matter how many times it's posted.
 
#18
Badger_Heed said:
mistersoft said:
Agreed. It's still funny no matter how many times it's posted.
Unlike yourself you boring cunt.
That's almost funny.

Almost.
 
#19
SlimeyToad said:
Epic............bill for new keyboard and screen on way..........come on, missus, we're off to Tescos to try a new one out!!
I bet you don't require a new keyboard or screen.

Why not put 'lol', 'pmsl' or some other equally shite comment therefore sealing the fact you are a nob?
 

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