Doggie Farts

#1
There must be other dog owners out there or someone ex/serving in the RAVC who can give advice on this rather delicate matter.

My little princess of an SBT, 3 years old and a rescue dog from the RSPCA, has a tendency to emit the most foul, putrid and silent farts the moment she is settled in the car. A fact that, had she been sniffed before seen, would have led her to be christened 'Rancid' rather than 'Bonnie'.

Now, she is no nervous traveller and seems relaxed and at ease in the car. But no sooner have we travelled a couple of miles and the whole car becomes enveloped in this noxious, unseen gas delivered silently. It is so foul that at times I have temporarilly been blinded and, whilst gagging and stuggling to get the windows down, have almost lost cotrol of the car. She on the other hand shows no outward sign of it bothering her in the least. Last summers trip from Kent to the Lakes was an epic with farts being delivered on average every 33 miles!

Now, we have tried changes of diet as well as good long walks and plenty of water before departure. We have even considered strapping an air freshener to her arrse to enable the gas to be filtered but feel that this might amount to cruelty!

Any advice would be appreciated so long as it steers clear of cruelty or acts of beastiality to the poor pongy pooch!
 
#4
I think the question has to be asked, does the family blame the dog????
It has been known for me to drop one at my latest female friends house and the dog is always blamed. Unless you go to my sisters her dog goes for you if you do it.
 
#6
johnboyzzz said:
I think the question has to be asked, does the family blame the dog????
It has been known for me to drop one at my latest female friends house and the dog is always blamed. Unless you go to my sisters her dog goes for you if you do it.
Mate, if I could fart on demand like that I wouldn't be asking for advice on here, I'd be down the hospital getting a good pull through :wink:
 
#9
Feed the mutt just chicken and pasta for a while before the journey.

No doggy treats or biscuits: they seem to make our hounds from hell emit really dreadful farts.
 
#11
Charcoal biscuits (or bits of coal/BBQ fuel if you are cheap).

Don't eat them yourself. Feed them to the dog.
 
#12
A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.

The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the dinner the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.

"SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.

Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.

"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he shts on you!"
 
#13
Chappie original. They don't fart and don't smell, it's also a good balanced tin and has no dairy products in it.

DO NOT give her any food with heart in it.
 
#14
ukdaytona said:
A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.

The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the dinner the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.

"SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.

Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.

"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he shts on you!"
LOL ... I am going to use this ... excellent! :lol:
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#16
RFUK said:
What's bestiality?
Digging up the corpse of George Best and giving it one. Aparantly they can nick you for it. Bloody Nanny State, eh?

Charcoal biscuits, as has been said. Get a big bag of dog biscuits and pull out the black ones. Feed to dog. Although I've always found minging dog farts to be funny, and a useful disguise. "It was the bloody dog woman. Put that coal shovel down".
 
#18
Thanks for all the tips (and the PMs) ... we have come to the conclusion that her foul arrse is a diet thing and will try some of the suggested 'remedies'

BTW, is there a thread for dog owners on this site ... or would that only get ripped?
 
#19
and theres me thinking this thread had something to do with fanny farts while doing it doggie!!

savour the dog farts and rest assured your own will smell very similar later but with a more meaty (big breakfast with bacon and eggs)smell.

i like to treat these farts as a blessing and they always qwench my hunger first thing in the morning thus saving money in the cafe!.

if all else fails with your pooch then shot the stinking shit machine and buy a real dog like a doberman!(they really know how to fart)

i bet your dog is smaller than a bloody cat!(i bet youve even got a handbag for it for when your in town):)
 
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