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Dog owners thread.

G

goatrutar

Guest
Porridge, you want to come here - it's common to see women and couples pushing little rat-type dogs around in purpose-built carts.

We came across this specimen a year or two back - my dog (the Alsation-looking thing you cunt) is looking at the rat-dog and thinking 'WTF is that?'





And yes, the rat-dog is wearing a Winnie the Pooh tracksuit, backpack and pink trainers.

What happened next. Did they make sexy time?


Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
 
I login, open a tasty-lookingthread and what do I get?

Instead of this:

I had'nt washed or shot my bolt for a week. I could feel the power swelling inside of me. I laid back and peeled away the shreds of my straining kex. Bandit licked his lips. His eyes glistened like my japs eye they were fixed on. We both drooled a bit. Game on I muttered. He lept forward and shoved his muzzle against my quivering balls. Slop slop lick slurp. I bit on the rubber gag. His foot long tongue slid down my barrse and swept out my ringpiece. I spun myself onto all fours. He growled deep in his throat and I felt his hairy knees grip my flanks. 4 hours later the missus came home and threw a bucket of water over us....

I get

a bunch of fannies whinging cuz they're frightened of dogshit, council house (wtf) tenants, cats, lesbians, posting canine erotica, fly-tipping, the law and fuck knows what else.


Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
 
It's a water jet sprayer, with PIR sensor, works at night as well. Connect it up a hose pipe, has a hozelock fitting.

Sprays a diffused jet of water up to 10m, anything from 90 to almost 360 degrees.

[video=youtube_share;mt-C70oeZCI]http://youtu.be/mt-C70oeZCI[/video]

Not one single bird landing in your garden then?

Can't be doing with that so will just have to stick with the catapult for knocking nextdoors cat off the wall.
 
Not one single bird landing in your garden then?

Can't be doing with that so will just have to stick with the catapult for knocking nextdoors cat off the wall.

You can turn the sensitivity down so plenty of birds, unless it's the collard dove, which is a fat fucker anyway. The hedgehogs set it off at night, but they don't give a shit about it.
 
Porridge, you want to come here - it's common to see women and couples pushing little rat-type dogs around in purpose-built carts.

We came across this specimen a year or two back - my dog (the Alsation-looking thing you cunt) is looking at the rat-dog and thinking 'WTF is that?'





And yes, the rat-dog is wearing a Winnie the Pooh tracksuit, backpack and pink trainers.

WTF? The owner of that dog must be on some serious drugs.
 
I thought we could perhaps have a thread for people who own dogs but don't run thier lives around thier existance and see them as they are...... a pet.

I've got a black lab. I've had dogs and was upset for a day or two when they rolled a seven, my life however trundled on normally and the hounds passing didnt make me turn to the internet in a griefy cryfest in a cringeworthy and vomitous fashion.

Are there any other normal dog owners out there, who take thier dogs for a walk, pick up thier turds, look after them, walk them or are we all wierdos who treat them like children and like to photograph them 40 times a day and post face book up dates telling everyone theyve had a drink of water, eaten a pigs ear or squeezed out a lawn cigar.

Get a grip you barking mad sad fuckwits, its a dog, an animal, yes, you grow attached to them, but they dont live for ever, they die, you move on, not feel suicidal and want the clouds to start squirting 'go to sleep forever juice' all over you.

Cat owners are the same, pack of cunts the lot of them. A bloke that owns cats is even worse, wierd, not wired properly, socially deficient retards. I got up this mornign, let the hound out, walked her round the corner. Not once did I get my camera out, or go 'coochy coochy coo' and speak to it in a homo high pitch camp voice.

Ive purposely kept this away from the kennel club to avoid big blobby sulk tears and letters to the President and the Cat protection league.

Whats the most cringeworthy pet post youve seen?

Sorry PG, I have had a good hard look around, and you are the winner!


You put yourself bang out of order on the Kennel Club thread, that sorry moment in the mess where everyone goes quiet and waits for an apology or a quiet slink off out of the room. Which is usually forgiven with an "Oh shit I went too far."

Usually.
 
I think his comments were smack on the money. The contributors on the dog fuck fest are , in the main, complete cunts who'd never make it onto a babysitting list. Their houses must fucking honk too.

Interesting that a lot of them are regulars in the depression thread too. Sad sack fucking losers.
 
You put yourself bang out of order on the Kennel Club thread,

No I didn't I conceded that my comments should perhaps not be in a forum outside the NAAFI. I didn't mean they weren't accurate or raise an apology for what was written, just for where it was written.

This however is the NAAFI where I can use my line which got some joyous bites. The one where I suggested the recently berieved doggy owner could go through the skip at the back of the vets for one final cuddle.

Dog owners are fine, big wet grief ghoul dog owners who have never been near a vagina other than a canine one should be attacked by pitch fork wielding Chechnyans.
 

mercurydancer

LE
Book Reviewer
No I didn't I conceded that my comments should perhaps not be in a forum outside the NAAFI. I didn't mean they weren't accurate or raise an apology for what was written, just for where it was written.

This however is the NAAFI where I can use my line which got some joyous bites. The one where I suggested the recently berieved doggy owner could go through the skip at the back of the vets for one final cuddle.

Dog owners are fine, big wet grief ghoul dog owners who have never been near a vagina other than a canine one should be attacked by pitch fork wielding Chechnyans.

Its as I suspected all along - all that you want is a bite. Nor from me tonight. You may do this, possibly to be though of as a cruel and heartless bastard. Not that you are. Not many of us are. I am not.
 

mercurydancer

LE
Book Reviewer
As the originator of the ARRSE Kennel Club thread I considered a long-winded response defending the right of dog owners to bleat, treat their pups like little people, post pics of their babies at every opportunity and become lost to the world through bereavement, however, I simply do not have the time.

This morning I was informed by my solicitor that I am now the owner of great swathes of land around my property so shall spend the day walking the boundaries dressed in corduroy trews and an old wax jacket with matching cap whilst shooting a variety of animals. Sadly, due to the wishy-washy liberal politics of the Scottish Government, there are no trespass rules here so assembled groups of twitchers are off the card.

BTW, given my new status, anyone care to swap two rowdy SB Terriers for a pair of springers?

oh for heavens sake K19eod..... you must never wear a matching cap with a waxed jacket, its so, well, that which those from London would wear.
 

spaz

LE
This is my hound, check out his champ.

champ.jpg

The green hippo is a dirty little slut and she knows it.

When he dies I'm planning on getting another one.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
This is my hound, check out his champ.

View attachment 139433

The green hippo is a dirty little slut and she knows it.

When he dies I'm planning on getting another one.

That's fucking photoshopped. You stuck a picture of your munted cock on instead.

On a side note, I'm told that masturbating a dog is the hobby of champions.


All hail Emperor Mong.
 
I prefer dogs to a lot of people that I meet. My hound has the added bonus that he brings me rabbits for my tea.

How sweet - you are such a softy under that brash, hard exterior.





:)

Rodney2q
 
porridgegun

I think that you are secretly a very decent man. I may be wrong and you may be a total cunt, but I doubt it.

"griefy cryfest in a cringeworthy and vomitous fashion". OK I understand what you are saying. I'll be alright in a few days. Feel free to vomit, or cringe or anything. Fine by me. I came apart when I lost my dog. That is my way.

But at the end of the day, people on this site really did help me. That is very important. Its very important indeed.

This man used to be a bowser mong, there for he is a cunt!
 

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