Does Christmas have to be a nightmare?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by vinniethemanxcat, Nov 23, 2012.

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  1. Just a thread to help people who hate this and dread it every year.......

    Feel free to add your own ways to make it bearable.

    We both had family "traditions" and combined the best of them.

    Most important is to pace yourself...... don't put all the presents at the end of the bed, the kids will wake at 5am, rip everything to shreds, wake everyone up, break most of them by 9am, then be totally fucked by 3pm.

    Inform them that santa has picked the lock on the garage door and presents will be brought out after the turkey.

    We have a nice breakfast, without a lot of washing up, for us it's smoked salmon and creamy scrambled eggs and toast.

    After that, it's out to the beach for a walk for an hour, if the weather's crap, a walk to Durham Cathedral to catch part of the 11am gig..... you don't have to be religious, just the choir is spot on.

    When we get back, a small snifter while I finish off the starter, this year, Lidl are knocking out smoked duck breast at 90gms for £2.50, so a little salad.... sorted.

    Slam in the turkey to be ready for around 4.30.

    Roasties and veg are sorted on Christmas Eve and resting in water.

    The heating is on, the pressies are under the tree, either before or after dinner.

    What my wife's bunch have always done, is gather around the room, everyone opens one present in turn, great way to do it.

    In the last hour, counting down for each part, the food is cooked, not a huge meal, just another course of good food.

    Maybe a DVD after that, then a pudding about 6.30.

    You've paced yourself and the kids, now you're entitled to get slowly blootered.

    This doesn't work with a bunch of miserable whinging relatives and in- laws..... you're fucked whatever.

    • Like Like x 2
  2. Work through Xmas - take the extra money and ignore the whole fucking thing.
    (whilst hoping nobody important dies or gets a bladder infection)
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  3. Booze.
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  4. I can do better, don't buy any presents and have bacon and eggs for dinner, use the cash saved on something nice like a holiday out of this shit hole.
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  5. One of these each.

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  6. If you're lucky you'll get a cheeky little gig in AFG for Christmas, like me.
  7. Its bad enough being reminded its Christmas by seeing decorations up in shops and ads.....but why infest us with it on ARRSE ....its fucking MOVEMBER
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  8. All I have to do for Christmas Day is turn up at HiD's parents at the right time mit HiD + child then drink.

    Hardest part of the day is arguing with the devout catholic mum that the baby Jebus was actually voted into mythology by the Romans, that was interesting after a bottle of JD and the father adding to it.

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
    • Like Like x 3
  9. Sweet sherry to start whilst opening presents
    Cider whilst firing up the Weber, and whilst braaing beer can chicken and duck and any other birds I can find in Waitrose
    Wine whilst eating a great christmas dinner
    Manhattan's whilst watching a film
    Champaggan before bed

    Dioralyte next morning
  10. WIKI won't let me edit entries anymore but if they did under Yorkshire men I would just put See JARROD.
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  11. You watch the daft bastards spending a fortune on food that they'll not eat. It won't be me and if relatives take pity on me and I eat at their house I'll still have my bacon and eggs and will have saved on heating.
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  12. skid2

    skid2 LE Book Reviewer

    I have a sneaking suspicion you're in for a busy Christmas.
    Seaside hovel. Start feeding people alcohol as they arrive. Point people at front room or kitchen whatever they want. Tell them to keep the gate shut due to idiot dog.
    Music in kitchen, make conversation, peel stuff.
    Tell dog not to go through gate.
    Put grub on.
    Load dishwasher
    Feed people
    empty dishwasher. look for dog.
    Feed people, load diswasher.
    Look for dog. Add alcohol.
    Feed people, load stuff in sink. Find dog, load and unload dishwasher load dishwasher and unload until kitchen looks habitable. Find bloated dog fast asleep.
    Ask if anyone wants more food. Add alcohol.

    I usually get about three beers the entire day. Aged P heads home with enough to keep him going for a day or so. Everyone seems to have a good time.
    Maybe this year we get to watch West Wing boxed set on boxing day.
    Last years boxed set, House, only opened last week. Although there's a couple of series of Justified ready to go.
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Like this one you mean ?
  14. For just once I would like to be out of the UK for X-mas. Somewhere, anywhere , where they don`t do the Jingle Bells, Little Town of Bethlehem, Away in a Manger crap. Any suggestions, apart from muzzie and Yid toilets?