Does anyone remember this story...?

Discussion in 'Int Corps' started by CRmeansCeilingReached, Nov 21, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Just posted this in response to a vetting / honesty question on another forum... was just wondering who else knew this man or remembered hearing his story? :) of course if you are reading this, Mr D, get in touch and let me know if it ever came back to bite you!

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    my advice would be - be completely and utterly truthful. of course you look at porn, of course you drink. if you have been nicked or cautioned, i would tell them, personally. they will find out anyway, and it looks far better for you if you have been scrupulously honest.

    they are more interested in your integrity than your minor character flaws, in my experience. i always tell them absolutely everything - its just a necessary evil you go through every few years, and if the vetting officer is an ok bloke it can actually be quite a giggle. you only have anything to worry about if you have hidden anything.

    there is a very well-known (well from my era, anyway) guy who decided to try and get booted out in 91. was in ireland, second or third tour and he wanted out - but didnt want to march in and announce he was gay (the instant ticket). and by coincidence his vetting review was due.

    so (lets call him D) told us what happened when he implemented his foolproof plan. im sure he exaggerated a little too, as we sat round the dinner table that day... but i must stress that any exaggeration or misremembering is purely my fault and entirely deliberate (dont let the truth... etc), but you get the rough idea behind his plan for a quick ejection from the army:

    "so do you drink much Cpl D?"
    "well you know, pretty much every night. lisburn is great, every night there is a party on somewhere so i get wrecked most nights. and weekends are awesome, if youre not working you can hang one on for 48 hours straight. you know, games of shock down the greenfly, you can go through bottles of apfelkorn like nobody's business." (should i have played it up more, he wonders?)

    "hmmm. so what about drugs?"
    "well you know how it is, bit of weed when im home on leave, tried a couple of pills a few months ago. i get bored on leave and all my mates do it, so..." (chuckling to self - plan going great).

    "so, lets talk about sex Cpl D. how many partners have you had since your last interview?"
    "cant remember, to be honest. shag a different chick every week, sometimes army, sometimes a local. some of them are a bit dodgy, i can tell you! f*cking hell, twinbrook on a friday night... and there is this married chick whose hubby is away on course, ive been kicking her back doors in on a regular basis too. oh, and dont forget the whores." (plan going grand, getting well into this!)

    "how are your finances then?"
    "well to be honest, im in a bit of sh*t. had to take out a massive loan cos i spent all my money on booze and whores, and these blokes are gonna do my kneecaps if i dont keep up with the vig. so im thinking of pimping myself out as a rent boy to try and make 50p here and there." (should be out by the weekend at this rate).

    so D sits back and waits for the end - bags are mentally packed and he's already half-dekitted. to be met with a comment something like this:

    "i want to congratulate you Cpl D. in all the years i have been doing vetting interviews, i think you are the first person who has ever been completely honest with me."

    vetting approved, carry on son! but what a cracking record to have on your vetting file... :D
     
  2. Nobody in the Int Corps has ever been this honest. 50p?
     
  3. if you were in during the late 80s early 90s, youll know the name. let me know and ill pm you if you like.
     
  4. (1 x PM later) Now that I know (!) maybe I should tell about how he got himself chucked out of a certain central African country a little later. But no. He's a lovely bloke really :D
     
  5. I know exectly who you are on about there CR. A top bloke he was too.
     
  6. agreed. and that wasnt his last funny story, i suspect!
     
  7. I also heard a rumour that one Christmas morning HQNI awoke to the sight of a tricolour atop the flagpole. It was suggested that was down to this fellow also. Any truth in that?

    Less terrible was the time he turned up at the Dover Sy Sect Xmas party dressed as Santa and got all the girlies to sit on his knee to get their present. The chair collapsed into the fire place when I sat on his knee :lol:
     
  8. anyone know what hes up to now? out, presumably? (of the mob, not the closet)
     
  9. Last heard of doing his LLb while living in Wilts somewhere, some years ago.

    Lo and behold, I've still got his phone number in my 'addresses folder' Anyone want to get in touch, PM me and I'll call the beggar and ask if he wants to be abused by you over the air.

    [​IMG]

    Is it? Is it? No... must be mistaken. (Ta, Cpl_Ripper)
     
  10. THAT IS THE BEST DV STORY IVE HEARD YET...

    Obviously Mr DV man suspected he was either taking the p1ss or wanted out...
     
  11. to be honest, i can't recall hearing that many DV stories!!
     
  12. DV Interview at Templer a few years ago:

    Interviewer: How many people have you had sexual intercourse with?

    Interviewee: about 20.

    Interviewer: Have you ever slept with any prostitutes:

    Interviewee: Yes.

    Interviewer: How many would you say?

    Interviewee: I just told you, about 20!

    Honesty works! The interviewee now graces the pages of our corps leaflet!
     
  13. Ahhh...you've been to Belize too!
     
  14. Close but not quite. He and another guy from our Corps got caught trying to nick the Christmas tree from the top of 39X mast.

    He was also the same guy who, whilst walking to work, had the RSM of 15 Sigs bring the Regt to attention and salute him. Only to be promoted to Sgt a few weeks later. Interesting conversation next time he bumped into the RSM inthe mess!
     



  15. Fecking priceless!!!!! whish I had been there to witness that !!!