Does anyone know the answer?

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by babyblue, Oct 15, 2005.

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  1. Can anyone think of anymore? And better still, does anyone have the answers?

    If your named Will and you are in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?
    Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler? :wink:
    Do they put underwear on corpses?
    Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on? :?
    If a vampire were Jewish would his Sabbath start at sunrise?
    Why do child labor laws not prohibit children from acting in movies?
    If your eyes are crossed, do your tears fall straight?
    If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?
    Is the vice president's wife called the second lady?
    Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
    Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings?
    Can an unborn baby fart or burp?
    If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?
    Why is there never a full English dinner or tea but there is always a full English breakfast?
    When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God?
    Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
    How come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else does?
    Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
    How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
    What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?"
    Do bald people get dandruff?
    Can a person with no ears wear glasses?
    If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop?
    Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
    Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?
    If you swallow a burp does it turn into a fart?
    Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?
    Do they have burglar alarms at Christian bookstores?
    Why do bullies always ask "what’s your problem" when they're obviously not going to solve it?
    Do stairs go up or down?
    When people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?
    Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
    Can you make a candle out of your earwax?
    When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
    Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
    Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
    Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
    Can mute people burp?
    Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?
    Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
    Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
    Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
    Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?
    Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?
    If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
    You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?
    What would happen if you were to feed a pig some bacon?
    Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?
    If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
    If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
    Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident?
    Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?
    Why is it that when we are humming and then we plug our nose, our humming stops? Do people really hum through their nose, or their mouths?
    What happens when you say “hi” to your friend on an airplane who's name is Jack?
    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
    If Sunday is the holy day of rest why do we have to get up early for church?
    When you snap your fingers, does the sound occur when your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your middle finger hits the palm of your hand?
    Is an alcoholic just a drunk that's scared of a hangover?
    Is there anything easier done than said?
    If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it?
    If there were a knowledge contest, would the female winner be called Miss Informed?
    If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
    Do pigs pull ham strings?
    Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?
    What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?
  2. Can you cry under water?

    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

    Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

    What disease did cured ham actually have?
  3. Why is water wet?
  4. Which was named first: the colour orange or the fruit orange?
  5. I'll have a go.........

    Who cares?
    Wake up
    Originals sponsored by soap companies. Opera? - who cares?
    It isn't
    Because there arre part versions of the others
    They don't
    Get real
    They do
    Before the grass grew?
    Captain Hand?
    Keep on going?
    Don't know
    Because they are generally stupid
    It isn't
    It isn't
    Because they are different things
    Don't know
    Don't know
    You can
    Ask a dog
    In Germany - it means poison
    Because some people are stupid
    Don't quit your night job
    It would eat it
    Because money doesn't grow in banks
    So rescue services would be alerted
    Hum through noses
    You say, Hi, Jack"
    Babies sleep longer after the first six months
    Not everybody goes to church
    It's the love of money that's tte root of all evil
    If she entered the contest
    It's dead or very, very still
    Deny it
  6. J_D

    J_D LE

    What came first, chicken or the egg?

    Why is the sky blue?

    If your wisdom tooth is of named "wisdom", why does it cause pain?
  7. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
    If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
    What was the best thing before sliced bread?
    If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
    Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
    Can you make cheese out of human breast milk?
    How come it was called the Cosby Show when Billy Cosby's character was named Heathcliff Huxtible?
    If a Truck is loaded with Helium, would it weigh less than when it was empty? Wouldn't it get better fuel mileage?
    Do sore thumbs actually stick out?
    Where does the white go when the snow melts?
    Can blind people see their dreams?
    Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
    What would happen if an Irresistible Force met an Immovable Object?
    If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?
    why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
    Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Mommys boy?
  8. In nigh on 20 years in Her Majestie's Armed forces I have never been witness to such a load of shiite.

    Get out of the NAAFI and park your fat bloated civvie backsides in a Harvester or Witherspoons. That way, whilst sipping spritsers you can giggle and titter about kittens and wallpaper.

    Squaddie fcuking groupies I sh it you all.
  9. Then go away and dont read it!! And get a spell checker while you are at it. :)
  10. And I'm sure "Her Majestie" appreciates your service, Geordie.:)
    (Whisper) It's meant to be "lye tarted", mate. As in irreverent, you know? Or are you a Catholic priest?:)

  11. J_D

    J_D LE

    Thats a tad better. Now what was your point again?
  12. It would be nice if you actually looked at the forums and seen what is supposed to go in where.

    This not a knitting circle it is not supposed to be nice in here.

    But saying that if it stops the drivel infecting the rest of ARRSE then so be it to put all the drivel in here :cry:
  13. Here we go! If this is the worse thing you have been witness to in all your 20 years in the armed forces then you must have had an easy time of it. Still at least you took time to read it and then post your comment to which I thank you. Have a nice day.

    Now go and stick your head back up your arrse :wink:
  14. I must say, canteen_cowboy, the way that little negative-picture biddy can twirl her ringpiece fascinates me. I could watch it for hours!:)

  15. Thank you CC. Without wanting to upset too many folk perhaps its best if it was moved to the appropriate forum.