Dodging Customs in Andorra

Travelgall

MIA
Kit Reviewer
#1
I know there's only one exit to Andorra into France and the French Customs men may all be asleep but its a bit of a long way round. Is there a back route out of Andorra avoiding customs on the Spanish side as I understand they stop everybody. This is just for information purposes only for a novel I'm writing. I'm not trying to smuggle 27 tax free Bottles of Port through Customs for my wedding you understand.
 
#7
Don a beard and a pair of glasses. Using an uncouth 'Billfast' accent tell the custom wallahs that you are Gerry Adams and you are on yer way/ have been to a Conflict Resolution seminar with the Basques.

If you are still in possession of your old Mil uniform, stick that on and change your name to Tim Collins, keeping to the same cover story.
Those bottles of port will be the least of your concerns, but think of the dining parties to come.
 
#8
In the dozen or so times I've been through Andorra recently, the French customs do spot checks on French-registered vehicles because of froggies buying jerrycans of cheap fuel, and the Spaniards are normally looking for ETA types in Basque-registered vehicles. Everyone else just seems to drive through both sides without being stopped. I once took through a passenger with a non-Schengen passport containing an actual Andorran visa, and it took about two hours to find an immigration officer...
 
#9
Remember that the most important rule of smuggling in a car is to grip the wheel as tightly as possible, actively look around at random points in the air or on the dashboard, bite your nails and play with your hair frequently, fidget on your seat and shout irritably at Customs Officials.

You'll be fine...
 
#10
In the dozen or so times I've been through Andorra recently, the French customs do spot checks on French-registered vehicles because of froggies buying jerrycans of cheap fuel, and the Spaniards are normally looking for ETA types in Basque-registered vehicles. Everyone else just seems to drive through both sides without being stopped. I once took through a passenger with a non-Schengen passport containing an actual Andorran visa, and it took about two hours to find an immigration officer...
I travelled back from Spain via Andorra, France and the Chunnel in a large white LDV van a few years ago, taking the scenic route back.
The van was empty bar for a camp bed and sleeping bag and a few fags for myself.
I've never had any vehicle searched by as many different customs offiers of varying nationality! Non of them could get their head around an empty van, French customs even pulled up the plywood lining on the floor for a look underneath and searched three times coming through the Tunnel
 
#11
can you bring me back some cigarettes please?
 
#12
Follow the escape route used by allied forces during WW2, up and over the mountains. It'll take you a couple of days but its beautiful scenery. If you're carrying, load light cos some of the inclines are a fecking griz. Plenty of water in the summer too
 
#13
Isn't the trick to distract them whilst you rush, I mean, drive serenely through the barrier?

Arrange for WW3 to break out just down the road as you arrive...

Or don't wear any clothes...

...and look nonchalant as you drive through!

Lits
 
#14
I travelled back from Spain via Andorra, France and the Chunnel in a large white LDV van a few years ago, taking the scenic route back.
The van was empty bar for a camp bed and sleeping bag and a few fags for myself.
I've never had any vehicle searched by as many different customs offiers of varying nationality! Non of them could get their head around an empty van, French customs even pulled up the plywood lining on the floor for a look underneath and searched three times coming through the Tunnel
OK, I give up: what DID you do with the 6 12-year old Roma girls, then?
 
P

PrinceAlbert

Guest
#15
I've been to Andorra on numerous occasion (skiing) and never been searched by customs. Perhaps they have upped their game in the last couple of years?
 
#16
Isn't the trick to distract them whilst you rush, I mean, drive serenely through the barrier?

Arrange for WW3 to break out just down the road as you arrive...

Or don't wear any clothes...

...and look nonchalant as you drive through!

Lits
It seemed to work well enough for MDN and Auntie Stella!
 
#17
DOGGING CUSTOMS IN ANDORRA


I didnt have anything worthwhile to say on the adverstised thread subject , so I thought Id alter it a bit.
I think they have the same customs.. dont be pushy.. wait untill the couple in the car signal to you by flashing their lights. only observe if the interior light is left on, any deposits on windows need to be wiped off with a hankerchief or preferably a wet wipe at the conclusion of the session.
 
#18
My dear chap, you simply fly a 5`x 3` union flag from your radio aerial, vigorously wave your "BRITISH" passport out of the window whilst driving straight to the front of the queue, under no circumstances do we actually come to a stop at johnny foreigner checkpoints, simply drive on, if any of the check point chappies have the temerity to try and stop you then i am afraid a small amount of damage to the front end of the Bentley is acceptable in such circumstances... chin,chin.
 
#19
Stash a couple of kilos of Heroin or Coke in your glove box and worrying about that will take your mind off the Port. You should therefore sail through unmolested. Simples.
 
#20
Dress up as a Catholic priest. If questioned by some smelly Eurotrash, call your contrab...er, cargo 'altar wine' and claim divine inspiration. For extra realism, offer to violate their children and claim divine ejaculation.

Or...

Dress up as Steve McQueen, stretch a length of fence wire across the road, wait for a despatch-rider...no, you won't be able to fit the plonk on the bike. The first jump would have broken the bottles anyway.

Or...

Dress up as a WW2 Italian captain and drive through the checkpoint as irresponsibly as humanly possible, whilst playing a mandolin and being fellated to completion by Penelope Cruz.
 

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