Doctor says you got 24 hours

#1
Not me but a friend, got me thinking though. Now my record with both civpol and rmp has not been great but it was all petty stuff and a long time ago, i ain't broken any of the ten commandments other than thou shall not covet her next door ( and you would too), so what's my chances of reaching the old pearly gates and getting inside. Any extra precautions i can take to ensure entry?

The wifes gates are pearly when i've been in.
 
#2
become a catholic and confess on your death bed
you can even break the 10 commandments before you do it
probably

catholics have got it sussed
 
#3
I've already got that chit, but bad attendance means it might not be stamped properly, and what if i don't get to confess
 

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#4
bomb_mac said:
I've already got that chit, but bad attendance means it might not be stamped properly, and what if i don't get to confess
Just 'fess up here - I am sure you will be given appropriate absolution by fellow Arrsers.
 
#5
Why bother with Catholicism, just find yourself a version of Christianity (or whatever belief you have) that says the all your sins are forgiven if you regret it (could be a sticking point) and you don't have to worry about finding a peado... I mean Priest before you snuff it.
 
#6
Why the fuss about the Pearly Gates? I've heard that there's more fun in the basement bar - and it doesn't have strict membership criteria.
 
#7
Here is the way out.... ask for your last 24 hours to be in 12 years time!
 
#8
yeh, see that's another question, should i really worry? I tried looking up the internet for any reviews on either locstat but all i could find under hell was two weeks in Torquay.
 
#9
Refer your case to one of the ARRSE ministers (theres a thread somewhere!) -I`m sure that for a modest fee they will forgive all of your Henious Sins
 
#10
The judgement is based on how YOU judge yourself and not what the dude on the big white phone is thinking. Just remember to confess to a priest before you pop the cork :wink: or Flashy, depending who is near.[hr]

RC church is a corker, get your foot in the door and your get away with murder! Nope, hang on that was John Paul 1st killer..................
 
#11
You know I've got the terrible fear that all the mainstream religions have got it wrong and some obscure little island tribe has the right one.
 
#12
Death_Rowums said:
You know I've got the terrible fear that all the mainstream religions have got it wrong and some obscure little island tribe has the right one.
You're right. Pass the woad.
 
#13
If it was me i would grab a sheep, some coke (not diet, the proper leaded stuff) and a fish supper and head of into the hills :wink:
 
#14
putteesinmyhands said:
Death_Rowums said:
You know I've got the terrible fear that all the mainstream religions have got it wrong and some obscure little island tribe has the right one.
You're right. Pass the woad.

D_R, are you referring to the ones that worship Prince Phillip? I reckon he's a legend too!
 
#16
I seem to remember an Mneumonic - the 7 P`s
Prior preparation and Planning prevents piss poor performance

So...heres my Confession in case I Kick it tomorrow:

"I did it, yes it was me - and I enjoyed every minute of it and don`t regret a thing"

Now - Show me the way to Hell
 
#17
bomb_mac said:
I've already got that chit, but bad attendance means it might not be stamped properly, and what if i don't get to confess
My recollection of things in NI is that Father Flathat will 'think' you are still alive and give your a provisional clearance. Saw one do it in the valley below Ballymurph for a guy who had no head above the bridge of his nose.
 
#18
gearupflapup said:
There is a Padre posting somewhere on this site, so may be he can give the serious side of the death bed confession/ absolution which i am sure we will all need!
The Padre's here with me gagged and tied. Hold on I'll just ask him. He told me to tell you all to 'get te feck'.

Why is he being so uncooperative? Because I'm drilling it into him (and I'm not touching his bottom, sorry Padre, pain not pleasure this evening), that God IS an ancient superstition. A couple more kidney punches and he'll beleive in evolution and science just like me.

Think of my behaviour as similar to spreading Christianity. Forceful and without consequence.
 
#19
Why bother with non-existant hopes of religous fulfilment when no such thing exists and just contemplate the oblivion you are about to enter?

Why does the human race insist on assuming there is something else to go to when you cease to be, when the simple fact is, you cease to be anything...

No God, No Heaven, No Hell. So What?
 

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