Do you want a bag

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, May 17, 2009.

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  1. Today at castle donut, on visiting the fridge the only thing I had to eat was a yoghurt that went out of date in March.

    Against better judgement and faced with emaciation and malnutrition I journeyed to Tesco and battled the Sunday w@nkers stocking up on 2 for 1 welfare offers and Tesco brand omlette dropping instruments.

    Anyway, at the checkout some 45 minutes later and £165 the checkout simpleton looked at me through a pair of glasses you could seen the surface of Jupiter with and said 'Do you want a bag?'

    Utter disbelief hit my gumpy chops, 'No I'm going to pritt stick my head and see how much shopping i can stick to it and see if I can get to the car before anything falls off'

    She passed me two bags for £165 worth of stuff, when I asked for more she huffed and tutted like I'd asked her to part with her inheritance. It was then that the rage hit me, I can't open those plastic bags, and under pressure from other shoppers in the queue and having gobbed off about pritt stick I felt all eyes were on me. Two minutes later, which seemed longer than BFT minutes I'm still struggling to get into those magically sealed up Houdini proof plastic bags......

    She took them off me and within less than three seconds she'd parted four bags and passed them to me 'Bet you can't do that with a Gimpy you slag' I thought to myself..... then carried on packing my shopping in an uber strop.

    To add insult to injury, as I lifted the bag up to put back in the trolley the cnuting thing split and two bottles of coke, some neopolitan ice cream and a packet of bourbon creams went off in four different directions.

    Why do shopping centres make it such a stressful experience. They even make the home delivery service anger inducing. They take your order then a smelly driver with flakey hand scabs tells you that your bag of iceberg lettuce has been supplemented by a garden jenga set and an ironing board cover.

    Fcuking supermarkets, I'm sure its the start of the 4th reich
  2. I thought only Pikeys and Hermers shopped at Tescos..........

    I see i was correct in my thoughts.
  3. It's Tescos, they're after global domination that would make Bill gates blush.
  4. And poor people.
  5. it was close, it was Sunday and they sell Warsteiner.

    Hark at the Netto shoppers!!
  6. If they sell wobbly, I think its time I started shopping there.
  7. Swindon is close to me but I'd never fucking go there.

    Why didn't you send the child out to shop?
  8. LFH, I dont think children get served with beer in Tesco's.
  9. meridian

    meridian LE Good Egg (charities)

    When she split your bag was the real source of your blushing the comedy c0ck shaped courgettes, family size tub of vaseline, bulldog clips and polaroid film
  10. They do if you glue a moustache on them.
  11. 1. She was welded to the ride on mower?

    2. They won't sell her wobbly and her shop lifting skills aren't upto scratch.

    3. I couldn't be arrsed getting her changed out of her lycra catsuit

    4. That car of yours wouldn't reach Swindon (incidentally, does your steering wheel smell of nobs?) :D
  12. Feck, is that what I was doing wrong when I was trying to get into underage drinking all those years ago?
  14. At no point did you mention that the Houdini-bags are now the size of your average bag of jelly sweets. I shit you not, the bags they have at my local Tesco couldn't hold more than 4 tins of Heinz Big Soup.

    Now, I understand that they have to offset the enormous amount of plastic that they use to bring in their products. But seriously, do they really need to burden me with 100 mini bags to get the shopping to the car? What an unrealistic, logical fallacy idea to be more 'environmentally friendly'.

    Anyway, you have those to look forward to, too. It is almost as annoying as the need to carry ID to buy booze if you look under 55. I wonder if the till-drones realise that the only reason they have to interrogate anyone without huge ears, flap cap & walking stick, is because the powers that be, deem them too stupid to realistically identify anyone who may be under 18, the actual legal age to get pi$$ed up.