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We will cover a wide range of issues and our world class team of experts will give advice to help resolve your sex and relationship dilemmas whatever they may be.

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*despatches office gimp to fetch brew, breaks out the chocolate and eagerly awaits HCV's query*
is it right that my wife can get pregnant just by sharing my bath water if i've had a **** in it?

Oh and does her going to the sunbed every tuesday explain why my son came out black?

Serious responses only please.

I am having trouble "keeping it up" when I scuttle Ms DN. Partly becaus my feet are cold and partly because when she bends down it goes dark early. I have bought slippers to help my feet. Can you suggest a good adhesive so I can stick attractive pictures of girlies on her bum? They keep falling off
Love Factory!!!! ,is it a sweat shop?.....
My other half isn't spreading as often as I'd like.
What do you suggest, Chloroform or roofies?
She spreads alright for me and the rest of the lads ?
Dear love factory,

Can you recommend a good brand of hacksaw? The prostitute's, late night shelf stackers and lone females in general that I've been raping and 'cleansing' have a horrid habit of filling to with gas and bobbing to the surface of my local canal. As you can imagine this is causing me no end of problems as I really can't be arsed to drag their corpses to a fast running stream to cover up DNA.

What I'm looking for is something I can run straight up the centre of them so they fill with water and stay down.

Dear Love factory,
Can you kindly supply me with some barely legal teenage boys as my boyfriend is frigid.
thanks kindly.
When did you get age-fussy?? You've been trying to get up my eldest's love-bunker since he was 14!!!
he's 17 next too old for you now, you old scutter!!
Dear Love Factory

My old girlfriend loved sex toys and could quiet easily take a foot and a half of **** love beads. My new girlfriend has expressed an interest in using sex toys in our love making. However, she's a midget and i'm unsure of the length of love beads she could take. Please help.

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