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is it right that my wife can get pregnant just by sharing my bath water if i've had a **** in it?

Oh and does her going to the sunbed every tuesday explain why my son came out black?

Serious responses only please.

I am having trouble "keeping it up" when I scuttle Ms DN. Partly becaus my feet are cold and partly because when she bends down it goes dark early. I have bought slippers to help my feet. Can you suggest a good adhesive so I can stick attractive pictures of girlies on her bum? They keep falling off
Dear love factory,

Can you recommend a good brand of hacksaw? The prostitute's, late night shelf stackers and lone females in general that I've been raping and 'cleansing' have a horrid habit of filling to with gas and bobbing to the surface of my local canal. As you can imagine this is causing me no end of problems as I really can't be arsed to drag their corpses to a fast running stream to cover up DNA.

What I'm looking for is something I can run straight up the centre of them so they fill with water and stay down.

Dear Love Factory

My old girlfriend loved sex toys and could quiet easily take a foot and a half of **** love beads. My new girlfriend has expressed an interest in using sex toys in our love making. However, she's a midget and i'm unsure of the length of love beads she could take. Please help.

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