Do you care what your parents think?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by gobbyidiot, Jul 7, 2008.

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  1. Apologies if I've inflicted this story on you before, but I think it is a useful test.

    Royal Marine officer I know, and a couple of his pals, have been training with the army, specifically some famous Scottish battalions. Everyone is knackered, pis*ed off, had enough. Eventually they get some time off and head into Edinburgh. The marines are in a famous pub in the Old Town (it wasn't that long ago, so I'll blur the details :D). No sooner do they have a pint in their hands than some of the army officers arrive, immaculately turned out, blazers, plummy English accents. The marines, it would be fair to say, have spent less time on their appearance. One of the army officers, with no hesitation or intros, walks up to the booties and says, "My God, have you shaved?" - Bang. He gets dropped right away. His pals help him out, the staff are looking a bit concerned but there's no bouncers, the army officers are giving it all this, "What a disgraceful way to behave towards a brother officer", marines giving it, "F**k off, pongo etc".

    So they settle into a steady 7 minute pint pace. The bloke who threw the punch is well hyped up, effing and blinding, coming out with all the most offensive stuff imaginable - "bayonet the c*** and then shag the wound" - you can imagine.

    After about an hour of this he becomes aware that there is a middle aged couple sitting off to the side about fifteen feet away. They have been there the whole time, but are pretty much heads down, looking at the table, barely speaking, looking (not unnaturally) a bit intimidated.

    So our punchy bootneck takes a slightly closer look at the couple and realises its his parents. And at that they stand up and his mother, without looking at him, says, "We'll speak to you tomorrow", and they leave.

    Now, if you got to the punchline and cringed or laughed, you still care what your parents think. Personally, I can't bear to think about it - I'm obviously a mummy's boy :lol:
  2. So, what happens in the end then ?
  3. I blame the parents.

    No brought-upcy.
  4. Bouillabaisse

    Bouillabaisse LE Book Reviewer

    Things I don't believe

    Bootie walks into bar and doesn't notice his parents AND they don't leap up and say something
    Bootie punches pongo and there's no come back
    Bootie's dad sits for an hour listening to Bootie swearing in front of his mother and does nothing

    Things I believe

    This is bull
  5. Come on lads, get into the spirit of it. If you can show me a squaddie who doesn't exaggerate when telling a story I'll get my missus to show you her really really really really really big tits.

    For fcuks sake man do you even know what a Wah is???? Lying or exaggerating is not related to the ancient and noble art of the Wah. And don't even try to counter-wah me on that one.
  6. Parents haven't seen the bootie for a while and SAY nothing - Utter bollux.

    Off to the hole I say - the hole.
  7. I dont get it have you got any knock knock jokes instead
  8. At the hole to your front and in your own time, GO IN!
  9. Well I wasn't there! But the RM officer who told me - I've known for (say about) 13 years. He's previously been totally reliable, and he was sniggering and pissing himself so badly he could hardly get it out. No, I'm afraid it happened, in fact in the annals of "stuff that happens when with bad company and in drink" it's at the milder end. I've heard (and seen) an awful lot worse; I'm sure most of us have.
  10. Oh you mean like the time a group of lads from X Coy were spitroasting a bird in Y Barracks, and the BOS, Sergeant Z, came round and climbed aboard taking his turn, only for someone to turn the lights on and reveal him shagging his own daughter.... Yeah, it's a good yarn.
  11. It's a good job the military don't have jury trial - nobody get convicted of anything :D

    "...he was eating it hot out of his ****, spat some at L/CPL "X" who then........" B*llocks, that never happened. Acquit.

    "...Lt Maroon was not simulating the act he was actually..." Yeah, my arse. Acquit.
  12. Is Tom Cruise going to play 'Punchy'?
  13. Only if it involves either:

    a) Bouncing on a sofa celebrating his love for the army officer afterwards


    b) Only being in the bar to tempt scientology converts, he wouldn't drink in there, my god no, not now he has paid enough to know all their true celestial secrets! :D