Do these words still have meaning now?

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by Rincewind, Oct 19, 2005.

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  1. “May The Great God whom I worship grant to my country and for the benefit of Europe in general, a great and glorious victory; and may no misconduct in anyone tarnish it; and may humanity after victory be the predominant feature of the British Fleet. For myself individually I commit my life to Him who made me, and may this blessing light upon my endeavors for serving my country faithfully. To Him I resign myself and the just cause which is entrusted to me to defend. Amen. Amen. Amen.”

    written by Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson
    22/10/1805
     
  2. It might do if we had any ships left. Have they all been sold off yet?
     
  3. It'd be interesting to see the results of an essay posed to the current Cabinet based on the above question. "Europe" and "humanity after victory" would be drivelled on at length, no doubt. Perhaps other, more choice quotations by Nelson could be the basis for more juicy debates, mind.
     
  4. Thats pretty impressive that he managed to pen all of that. Considering he died on 21/10/1805!
     
  5. Quite, LOL, :)
     
  6. He got better!
     
  7. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
    Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

    Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?"
    Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

    Nelson (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability". "What gobbledygook is this?"
    Hardy: "Admiralty policy, Im afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist"

    Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacoo."
    Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments."

    Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let's splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle,"
    Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking"

    Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it full speed ahead."
    Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."

    Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."
    Hardy: "That wou't be possible, sir."

    Nelson: "What?"
    Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."

    Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
    Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the bridge, Admiral."

    Nelson: 'Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
    Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently-abled."

    Nelson: " Differently-abled! I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."
    Hardy: "Actually, sir ... The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

    Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
    Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

    Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
    Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

    Nelson: "What? This is mutiny."
    Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

    Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
    Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

    Nelson: "We're not?"
    Hardy: "No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

    Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
    Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on defaulters."

    Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
    Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules."

    Nelson: "Don't tell me, health and safety, whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
    Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."

    Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
    Hardy: "I believe it's to be encouraged, sir."

    Nelson: "In that case... kiss me Hardy
     
  8. Alien - Fantastic!!
     
  9. ^
    Bloot!

    Grrnghhnff!!

    Coffee-to-keyboard-via-gob-and-nose...........all at Warp 9 (and a bit).
     
  10. Rayc

    Rayc RIP

    Alien,

    That was fabulously funny!
     
  11. Alien, hit the nail on the head
     
  12. Alien, please PM your address so I can send you the bill for my shirt, now decorated with a large coffee stain. Sh!t!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  13. alian you should send that to no10 so HE can see hoy stupid his rules are.
    spot on
     
  14. It must have been agony,sitting on that gem,waiting for the right link,to appear!


    thanks,Midnight,

    Ps,I was in Val d´ser?(spelling),when the 15/19th,or rather a small group of,beasted a group of students for tipping over their landrover,end of ´81,outside Dick´s T Bar!(Dick was ex-officer 5 RTR)
     
  15. Much more recent.


    "It is a big step to take another human life. It is not to be done lightly. I know of men who have taken life needlessly in other conflicts, I can assure you they live with the mark of Cain upon them. If someone surrenders to you then remember they have that right in international law and ensure that one day they go home to their family. "