Do the Taliban have STABS?

#1
I can't help but think the life of a mujaheddin warrior living in a mountain 365 days a year in afghanistan, with only a pair of flip flops and an ak47 is a harsh and unpleasant lifestyle.

So what does the young man from small heath who enjoys mothers cooking and his job at the local kebab shop do if he hears the call of jihad (but only on weekends)?

Do the Taliban have reservists?

What does he get for an annual bounty?

What is he MATT tested on?

Where's his annual camp?
 
#3
mark1234 said:
Do the Taliban have reservists? - YES

What does he get for an annual bounty? -
29 virgins increasing incrementally up to the 5 yr point.

What is he MATT tested on? - his APMHT - Annual Prayer 'Matt' Handling Test

Where's his annual camp? -
Guantamo Bay

Stilts
 

maguire

LE
Book Reviewer
#4
would that make them Stupid Towel wearing Arab B******s then?

...I'll get me coat.
 

BuggerAll

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#5
cuckingfunt said:
mark1234 said:
Where's his annual camp?

Birmingham
Bit shite if he lives in Tipton. You want to go a bit further afield for camp. Petersfield or Bradford. In the former you could practice abusing crabs and in the latter you could pretend you were on a mission in Pakistan
 
#6
BuggerAll said:
cuckingfunt said:
mark1234 said:
Where's his annual camp?

Birmingham
Bit shite if he lives in Tipton. You want to go a bit further afield for camp. Petersfield or Bradford. In the former you could practice abusing crabs and in the latter you could pretend you were on a mission in Pakistan
You could go to cannock chase, and there are some benefits to it being nearby, instead of a container meal you could ring uncle Achmed's grotty pizza shop and have pizza and chips and a bottle of pepsi.

The next day you could ring uncle Abdullah and have a kebab, There is a logistics problem though, there's some mean hills in cannock chase, could the delivery boys fully loaded moped handle it and would the scoff still be warm?
 
#8
mark1234 said:
I can't help but think the life of a mujaheddin warrior living in a mountain 365 days a year in afghanistan, with only a pair of flip flops and an ak47 is a harsh and unpleasant lifestyle.

So what does the young man from small heath who enjoys mothers cooking and his job at the local kebab shop do if he hears the call of jihad (but only on weekends)?

Do the Taliban have reservists?

What does he get for an annual bounty?
mark1234 said:
1st year - 1 goat
2nd year - 2 goats
3rd year - 2 goats and a young boy
N.B. No-one is expected to still be alive after the third year having been matyred for the cause early in their careers.

What is he MATT tested on?

MATT1 - Wife beating
MATT2 - Beard growing - is it up to the regulation length for his arm/corps
MATT3 - Values & Standards of the Taliban
MATT4 - Test ability to shout 'Allah Akhbar'

Where's his annual camp?
A madrassa in the Pakistani borderlands offering such trade courses as;
'suicide bombings for beginners'
'RPG-waving-in-the-air-and-general-posturing' parts 1 & 2
 
#9
matt 1: WHT Wearing Heavy Turban
matt 2: APWT Advanced Posturing Wearing Turban
matt 3: CBRN CB125 Recce with Nokia
matt 4: PFT Praying Four Times (daily)
matt 5: CFT Cursing Foreigners on Televison

Annual camp: two weeks in North Pakistan, beheading teachers and flogging women.

Bounty payment; New turban.
 
#10
matt 3: CBRN CB125 Recce with Nokia
so still more technically advanced than cvrt with bowman :roll:
 
#11
But do you think they are despised by the regulars?

Or are there big posters up in the caves saying 'One Taliban'?
 
#12
I can just see it now.......

In a Madrassa in Birmingham, a stocky Drill Pig looms over a 17 year old Taliban Auxilary and Shouts

"If you tick tock and Flip when you are ment to flop I'll ram my flip flop up your ar se and rape you mum while your dad watches...... then I'll rape him too!"
 
#13
Countrylad said:
A madrassa in the Pakistani borderlands offering such trade courses as;
'suicide bombings for beginners'
I suspect there may be a bit of skills fade in that area in Taliban (V) , since anyone successfully passing the suicide vest cadre is probably decorating a street somewhere sunny in claret.
 
#15
They do have reserve elements however they are getting fcuked about doing CCRF preparing for a terrorist attack in a major UK city.

I spoke to one who had just come back off Senior Bradford. He said it was fcuking nails and they spent the tactical phase doing BUBUA (Blowing Up Built Up Areas). Apparently the new CFT isn't all that hard though as you can put your suicide kit in a shoulder bag now instead of jet packs.
 
#16
Discipline is harsh though if you get caught shagging the RSM's* daughter you get AGAI'd , you get beheaded and fined 2 weeks wages.



*Really Suicidal Mujahadeen
 
#18
They've probably all been amalgamated, there's a bit of a manning issue when half a battalion blows itself up or gets brassed up, or has to go home to run the Kebab shops.

They probably started with some thing like; The Suicide Jackets (V) and are now part of 2AFF (Allahs Flip Flops).
 
#20
"Liban" meaning Bearded bomb chucking Cnut?
 
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