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Do the Taleban read the NAAFI bar?

#4
Its a good idea.... why waste a normal person with a suicide bomb when you can send a 'non contributor' or 'faulty person'

Imagine the carnage with a minibus full of spazzo's..... open the door, all of them armed with tambourine shaped IEDs and send them running into the crowd..... in stead of them calling for Allah or whoever thier given God, thier final scream would be:

'Iiiiiiiiiiiiiicccccccccceeeeeee cccrrrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaam'
 
#7
filthyphil said:
Suicide mongs! Don't be surprised at the lengths they will go to to get 72 balloons. MMMillAlllahhh!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Back after the Easter break, you are all putting me off my very serious work!!

I am in grave danger of spraying my tea over the keyboard!!
 
#9
New anti IED armour will consist of fitting large mirrors to the side skirts of all armoured vehicles thus rendering any potential suicide bombers helpless with mirth and unable to "press the t1t" on any device they are carrying.

Initial reports from the training camp where these "suicide spazzers" are training have highlited the need for drool proof circuitry on all devices, and the need for the "volunteers" to wear hidden amplivox to prevent them being distracted by ice cream vans, during early trials the toll amongst "toni bells" in fallujah were terrible, and they have now resorted to arming themselves heavily and slotting anyone grinning excitedly in the queue.
 
#10
Better to slot one from a distance than try and trap one and detain it.

They have the strength of a rhino and the slavverability of a dozen red setters... The triggering device must be a remote one, done by an 'able bodied' or at least 'able minded' failing that I'm sure you'd have hundreds of 'temporarily sidetracked' spastics chasing choo choo's and fire engines... then getting back on the suicide sunshine buses and doing themselves and thier useless accomplaces in.

Is it likely that British and coalition troops will get issued yellow cards saying they can engage 'flowery frock wearing flat heads' on sight
 
#11
It's alright guys, between you, me and the pint pots, EOD have already come up with a couple of countermeasures. The first is known as WOOFER and is a little labrador puppy filled with a special type of explosive. The puppies are trained to spot the mongol freedom fighters before they enter their "death dash" and they bravely run at them. The kids shout "oooh, bubby dog" and start chasing it into a safe area, whereby the No2 initiates the explosives and disrupts the device.

The second one is more hush hush - the scalie backs have come up with something that transmits at the resonant frequency of shoelaces. If the RTBIED (Retard-Borne IED) comes within 50m of own troops, his shoelaces immediately come undone. If he stoops to do them up again, the 30 minutes it takes for him to remember the rhyme about the bunny rabbit going under the fence and around the tree gives the troops chance to pass by safely. If he charges on regardless, the laces will trip him and the guy on the minimi can brass the fecker up. Finally, all brit forces have been briefed that if they are approached by a mong asking to have his shoelaces tied, then the soldier is to wait until the mong puts his tongue out and pushes one untied greenflash-shod foot out in front of him, then he is to cap him one in the bonce.
 
#12
yeah, you'll have recognition charts, its fairly difficult to spot a mong in the middle east, as most of them flop around in their jim jams all day as a rule anyway.

points to look out for are

1. Pirates costumes
2. Sagging suspension in wheelchairs.
3. Ballon string that looks suspiscously like black and tan.
4. Jesters hat pulled down to hide ear defenders (see last post)
5. Boxing gloves (to stop them fiddling with the hardware)

anyone seen in any of the above attire can be slotted on sight.
 
#13
News just in from the MoD website:

Apparently, brit forces are now to wear special uniforms when patrolling the 'stan. Int suggests that it's actually quite difficult to get the kids to run up to strangers. Their muj handlers encourage them by saying things such as: "go on, it's alright - I'll take a picture of you" the kids run halfway to the troops, see they are dressed as Bugs Bunny, then bottle it and run back crying to their handlers for an own goal.
 
#14
PC"can you give me a description of the Bomber"
Witness" no all mongs look the f@cking same"
PC"how could you tell he was not a christian"
Witness"he shouted for mallaaahh"
 
#17
filthyphil said:
Suicide mongs! Don't be surprised at the lengths they will go to to get 72 balloons. MMMillAlllahhh!
:idea: Well there's the solution - place a bunch of red balloons in the cordon area and throw them a pocket knife - see he can cut a ballon free before detonation.
 
#18
Thanks guys am now in the Doghouse. Wife is watching CSI Miami and has complained about my giggling like a schoolkid
Fantastic thread
 
#19
At first a frightening thought but, its doomed to fail as the MILLLLLLAAAR assassin squads have forgotten the first rule. All having been exclusively trained by none other than Taliban “Sid the Shooter”... http://www.break.com/index/trainingvideo.html

And as we know AKA the Russian Anti tank dogs (trained to attack Russian tanks and well you get the idea)

Just have a tape of said music on a remote CD player next to the nearest Mosque.

You can just see the little darlings looking around for that millisecond as they remember the training with those two funny shaped balloons and “Uncle” Achmed telling them that all good boys must act like a split peach to get to their 72 luft ballons.

Own goal every time.
 
#20
:twisted: You can just imagine window lickers making a meal of the riot shields - so the laugh would be to spread jam on one shield and watch them slobber!
 

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