Do my wedding pome

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TheIronDuke, Aug 16, 2007.

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  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Those few of you who know and love me will know that I am to be wed some time between now and Christmas. For the second time.

    The first one worked OK, but when it came on top, a full Police and Fire Brigade investigation proved I was nowhere near that cottage when it went up. So lets not dwell upon the fucking past, eh?

    What I require now is a poem what I can say when I snare the current main squeeze... sorry, when we join our estates... shit... when I marry the girl I love.

    Right, heres the best I've come up with so far..

    Hem hem...

    "Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Some cunt got Jordan
    But I got you"

    Hard to imagine improving on that, but any help will be gratefully recieved.
  2. When we touch, its like the spark of electricity,
    Even if when doing anal, your bottom is a bit shitty,
    When I tell you Im shopping, im shagging a young laddy,
    Even if, I'd rather be touching Maddy.

    Have I got the beginings of something there?
  3. Sorry I misread the title, I thought it said 'Do my wedding porn'.

    I'm not very poetic, but I'm a dab hand with a video camera.

  4. 'I'm a fire starter,
    Twisted fire starter' etc etc?
  5. How about:

    Her eyes they shone like diamonds
    I'd swear she's the queen of the land
    She fucked off with the house with some other bloke
    and all I've got left is my hand!

    By the way you should listen very carefully to what the vicar says.

    "Do you Blah Blah Blah take this woman Blah Blah Blah to be your awful dreaded wife?

    Just say No!
  6. In a similar vein:

    "Smack my bitch up, smack my bitch up"
  7. Reds are red,
    Violets are blue.
    I like spaghetti,
    Suck me cock.
  8. There was a young man nicknamed 'Duke
    Who was happy to p1ss and to puke
    From a night with the lads
    But now She's got his nads
    He'll have to make do with with a Fuke
  9. Roses are red
    Corpses are blue
    Come to my basement and
    I will show you
  10. Rose West you romantic bitch you!
  11. Fancy a lift?
  12. Try this one:

    When I was Young and Ignorant

    When I was young and ignorant I loved a Miss McDougall,
    Our days were spent in happiness, although our means were frugal;
    We did not sigh for worldly wealth, for vain and tawdry treasures,
    We were a simple country pair with simple country pleasures.
    Beneath the village chestnut-tree it was our joy to meet once;
    We used to tread the dewy fields with wonder-waking feet once;
    We wandered once in leafy lanes and walked in Woodlands shady;
    But now she's gone to Birmingham to be a Bearded Lady

    I loved her as I loved my life when I was young and tender,
    And happily our time was spent although our means were slender.
    We used to pass the golden days in countrified pursuits once;
    We walked through simple country bogs in simple country boots once.
    High hopes of happiness I had, but now my hopes are zero,
    Alas! My love has left me now to carve her own career O;
    Not all the hopes of her I had of her are worth a maravedi;
    My love has gone to Birmingham to be a Bearded Lady.

    My love now dwells in circus halls with clowns and tight-rope dancers,
    Where dromedaries play bassoons and sea-lions do the lancers;
    She moves amongst trick-bicyclists, buffoons and comic waiters,
    With elephants and acrobats and prestidigitators.
    No longer daily by my side she wanders through the hay now,
    The glamour of the public eye has lured are far away now.
    Remorseless Fates, my tender hopes how cruelly betrayed ye!
    My love has gone to Birmingham to be a Bearded Lady.

    When I was young and ignorant I loved a Miss McDougall;
    But that was e'er she heard the call of Fame's imperious bugle.
    I thought her kind as she was fair, but I was green and calfish;
    My love, though brighter than a star, was colder than a starfish.
    High hopes of happiness I had when I was young and tender;
    But time and tide have falsified my juvenile agenda.
    Farewell, my castle is in the air! Phantasmal mansions, fade ye!
    My love has gone to Birmingham to be a Bearded Lady.

    -- Patrick Barrington
  13. I'll bring my own spade!
  14. And if you fancy some extra ropes...