Do I have worms?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bandalong, Apr 22, 2008.

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  1. I have just signed on to your splendid forums after many months of lurking and sniggering, so hello to you all.

    Anyway, my predicament is as follows:

    I am now living in sunnier climes and was just settling in to the local brew one night in my pit, when I felt a huge overwhelming scratch in my bum.

    I dug in and gave it an old scrape whilst watching Discovery channel and it eventually went away for a few days.

    Now it’s back with a vengeance and keeps me awake at night whistling between my teeth whilst praying I had an angle grinder handy with a wire brush edge.

    My missus reckons I have either been stung by a local beastie or I have worms. She offered to take a look, but I declined as I am rather shy.

    In any event she wants to shove mashed up garlic up my hoop as apparently it is a local cure which will cure all my ills.

    Any advice on what I should do?
  2. Use baby wet wipes and get the clinkers off. The itching will stop then ye grow bag.
  3. Just wipe your arse properly! you in the middle east? - use toilet paper old boy.

    Glad to help
  4. Soap and water are better still if you can.
  5. Chamber brush should do the job nicely! :lol:

    Edit for mongness....
  6. Are you sh1tting blood? when my cat had worms it sh1t blood.

    Probably poor hygiene, wash your arrse with a soapy sponge in the shower, rather than having an quick dhobi once a week in the sink.
  7. Get naked, stick a piece of 2m bog roll between your arrse, set fire to it and run round the house for while. Let it completely burn all the way up if that doesn't clear it, the pain from a burnt arrsehole will take your mind off the itching.

  8. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    You obviously have the Jakarta Jaxie Worm. Its an itch, till it spreads to your brain. And eats it.

    Lets see....

    Your Missus offered to poke about around your wormy bottom and you declined? First mistake. You could have done swapsies with her.

    I think I see your problem, and fortunately some of my associates may be able to help... *Linky*

    Hey, de nada. Anything else, just ask.
  9. Try all of THESE and I am sure it will go away!

  10. Or give it a scratch with this!!!! 8O

    Attached Files:

  11. Stop watching the discovery channel its giving you ideas. After reading this my arrse has started to itch as well. And I've just been watching same said channel. Wonder if its a recognised disorder.
  12. Not guilty! I'm watching liverpool beat chelsea!
  13. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    The Amstrad arrse whisk puts paid to 95% of known worms.

  14. Surely that is sport not a cure?
  15. So long as you have fun in the process who cares. :D