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DIY.

I run into a lot of stress here, that I am a bodger is untrue, ex REME, time constraints normally mean that a nice finish is a waste, "will it work" is my creed. Mrs Samain is now insisting on carpenters, plumbers and decorators...I feel betrayed.
 
I run into a lot of stress here, that I am a bodger is untrue, ex REME, time constraints normally mean that a nice finish is a waste, "will it work" is my creed. Mrs Samain is now insisting on carpenters, plumbers and decorators...I feel betrayed.
Gripping stuff. Thank you for sharing it. No, really...
 
I thought this was going to be a follow on thread about antique dildos
 

endure

GCM
DIY is the only way when you're as old as me. No-on else wants to caress my wrinkles... ;-)
 
I run into a lot of stress here, that I am a bodger is untrue, ex REME, time constraints normally mean that a nice finish is a waste, "will it work" is my creed. Mrs Samain is now insisting on carpenters, plumbers and decorators...I feel betrayed.
I am quite happy to get the professionals in when money permits. I will do some jobs myself, and can turn my hand to most things (except plastering I hate plastering), but why would I when someone else can do the hard work and normally to a better finish, and certainly faster.
 
I run into a lot of stress here, that I am a bodger is untrue, ex REME, time constraints normally mean that a nice finish is a waste, "will it work" is my creed. Mrs Samain is now insisting on carpenters, plumbers and decorators...I feel betrayed.

Build a patio.
 

morsk

LE
I run into a lot of stress here, that I am a bodger is untrue, ex REME, time constraints normally mean that a nice finish is a waste, "will it work" is my creed. Mrs Samain is now insisting on carpenters, plumbers and decorators...I feel betrayed.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
 
Go round a sparky's house, his electrics will be robust but ugly, yet very safe. His plumbing will hav ebeen done by a site-mate, excellent and pretty, and of the highest quality finish.

Vice versa at the plumber's house though.
 
Go round a sparky's house, his electrics will be robust , beautifully finished, and of the highest quality, yet very safe. His plumbing, carpets, kitchen and bathroom, will have been done by a site-mates, excellent and pretty, and of the highest quality finish.

Vice versa at the plumber's house though.


Fixed.
 
But you may then end up with two patios.

Or one really big one.
 
Always get pissed before during and after any DIY. It's your time, your house you deserve a refreshing tipple or twenty. It also inspires your DIY, sledging out that wall sounds a brilliant idea when you're pissed.
 

Helm

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
Always get pissed before during and after any DIY. It's your time, your house you deserve a refreshing tipple or twenty. It also inspires your DIY, sledging out that wall sounds a brilliant idea when you're pissed.
Which rather neatly explains why our downstairs is open plan now
 
TOOLS EXPLAINED
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully put in a corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes to say, 'Shit!'
CROP SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the ouija board principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt, but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws, and to butcher your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object you are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on items such as seats covers, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
ADJUSTABLE WRENCH aka "Another Hammer," aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe," aka "Crescent Wrench": Commonly used as a one-size-fits-all wrench, which usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.
SONOFABITCH TOOL: Any handy tool you grab and throw across the garage while screaming, 'Sonofabitch!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool you will need.
 
My family have found DIY comes in various levels...

Sh1t

Piece of sh1t

B@stard piece of sh1t

W@nk b@stard piece of sh1t

Furking w@nk b@stard piece of sh1t

JB

Edit forgot a level...
 
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