DIY Injuries / Failures

#1
Ok, so I'm a total throbber when it comes to DIY of any sort and my wife has banned me from all jobs which involve mechanical or electrical powered tools (she lets me occasionally use her Rampant Rabbit on her sweet places if I ask nicely). :)

This DIY ban comes after a number of well-intentioned efforts to drill holes, put up shelving, fix a leaking tap, replace a door, nail a picture hook into brick work etc etc - not all the same job mind! - which have all ended slightly wrong from the intended result and on 3 occasions have resulted in my visiting the not so local A&E ward.

Enough was enough and now I'm confined to a life of sitting on the couch with a beer, watching the footy while she walks by, tool kit in hand, and mumbling something which may not be very friendly in my general direction, so it's not all bad.

So, am I the Frank Spencer of the current decade or are there more of us out there who genuinely cannot do the simplest of DIY tasks but manage to put a brave face on it?

What's the worst you've done?
 
#3
Tried to build a wooden shoe rack once. Thought I was doing really well until I tried to stand it up....realised I'd actually screwed it to the floor. :oops:
 

BiscuitsAB

LE
Moderator
#4
Took my knuckle down to the bone with a surform :) which was nice! I was only 8 at the time though.

Oh yeah forgot for a second. not exactly DIY but still not the smartest thing Ive ever done. Took the end of my ring finger with a axe whilst shopping kindling ( was paying attention obviously)
 
#8
Oh yeah. Then there was the time I tried to fit some door handles. They ended up the wrong way round, upside down, about as wrong as I could possibly get them really. *sigh*
 
#9
I take the view that it is every man's right to own powertools. Now, if he is a real man those powertools will be large and powerful enough to take off a limb. I don't mean a finger, I mean your whole forearm below the elbow.

My own DIY disasters have been pretty low - I've got several scars on my hands from knives, electric sanders, soldering irons, but nothing that required an A&E trip. I've had two brown trousers moments - one was with a chainsaw and I was pretty new to using it and was a couple of inches from taking my kneecap off. The other was a table saw - I didn't put the point of operation guard down because it was annoying me, next thing I know there's a "ping", the blade has shattered (God knows how) sending shards of metal all around my head. How nothing actually hit me was a miracle. From then on I do use appropriate guards and eye all table saws with utmost suspicion.

I saw this earlier in the week and I'm now working out if I can persuade the wife we need this more than we need a couch in our living room (we don't have one) Awesome man stuff
 
#10
took my finger off with a bike disk break, been re-attached and fully working teach me for tinkering with my bike haha, even tho i thought it was sily puting a rag to the disk at full rev's to 'clean' it haha ouch
 
#11
Does glueing your tongue to the inside of your cheek count? I couldn't get the lid off the superglue and used my teeth - not recommended!!!

My OH was annoyed he wasn't here to enjoy the silence ha ha!!

:oops:
 
#12
crabby said:
I saw this earlier in the week and I'm now working out if I can persuade the wife we need this more than we need a couch in our living room (we don't have one) Awesome man stuff
WOW, shiney! Got to get me one of them.

Err! What's it for exactly?
 
#13
Tiling. I tried to tile a kitchen floor. How hard can it be? After making a complete horses arrse of it I called in the professionals. To give them their due they didn't laugh when they saw what I had done. They didn't need to, they were laughing all the way to the bank.
 
#14
Jimmy_Green said:
crabby said:
I saw this earlier in the week and I'm now working out if I can persuade the wife we need this more than we need a couch in our living room (we don't have one) Awesome man stuff
WOW, shiney! Got to get me one of them.

Err! What's it for exactly?
It's for removing fingers when you're trying to cut wood at an angle. I now own a cheaper version, it's awesome. 5 seconds max to cut a 45 degree angle in 4x4" pressure treated wood. No digits removed yet, but it'll happen one day :D
 
#15
Not quite DIY, but I used to make plastic model kits. On the 1 day off per week I had at the time, I'd worked out that I could get a half bottle of whisky, dinner for 1, and a plastic panzer for less than a night in the pub.

Some months later, and knee deep in plastic tanks, day off comes around again and I do the usual shopping. Put pizza in oven, pour healthy shot of scotch, start gluing tank.

Later still, inebriated on glue fumes and scotch, I smell burning and recover the pizza. Seconds later I've got a lump of white hot salami spot welded to my lip and slowly melting everything down to the bone.

Reaching to pull it off my lip, I forgot to put down the scalpel I was cutting plastic with.

Sometime later I arrived at A&E bloodied, burnt and pissed, and with 3 fingers stuck together by superglue.

:oops:
 
#16
When I first moved in with the current Mrs O1W, the garage was covered in ivy, which she asked me to remove.

Bounding manfully onto the roof I managed to break the fence I'd bounded from.

6 solid days of sawing, axing, crowbars, machetes etc finally cleared the roof and walls, but the stump wasn't moving.

After umpteen attempts by me and the step daughters, I resorted to petrol.

A swift 5 litres over the stump, I'm heading away to put the jerrican out of harm's way and mention to step daughter 2's fella to light the stump.

Should have known better than let a novice at it. He yelled a bit as his eyebrows melted,and I was persona-non-grata with the women for days.

And the ivy stump, slightly charred, is still there 2 years later.
 
#17
crabby said:
Jimmy_Green said:
crabby said:
I saw this earlier in the week and I'm now working out if I can persuade the wife we need this more than we need a couch in our living room (we don't have one) Awesome man stuff
WOW, shiney! Got to get me one of them.

Err! What's it for exactly?
It's for removing fingers when you're trying to cut wood at an angle. I now own a cheaper version, it's awesome. 5 seconds max to cut a 45 degree angle in 4x4" pressure treated wood. No digits removed yet, but it'll happen one day :D
That's nothing!

When my dad died, the landlord wanted the house back immediately so all the tools got shipped off to auntie's house where she has a massive garage. Went down the other day to pick up some spanners and the mitre saw (much like the one above), and found what looked like a handheld circular saw. But the blade was oddly much bigger, and there was 2 of them side by side.

So, ask the uncle 'what does this do?' 'aah. That cuts cavities into wood floors for laying cable in' (dad was an electrician). I decided to leave it where it was.
 
#18
I was putting a longer piece of cable in a bedside light and a 2 minute job lasted several hours due to the fact the were a few plugs around and the one i wanted was still plugged in. The shock threw me across the room against the wall breaking a couple of fingers and damaging my shoulder, still there were some nice nurses in A&E though.

Apparantly your hair does stand up on end too 8O
 
#19
About 12 years ago my dad decided to try and fix the washing machine that packed up. Being a clever dick he left it plugged in, switched it on and opened up the covers. He then accidentally touched the live circuit board which threw him across the room straight on to the poor dog who was sleeping in his basket! The look on the face when the paramedic turned was quality, my dad was his boss!
 
#20
therealbigdizzle said:
crabby said:
That's nothing!

When my dad died, the landlord wanted the house back immediately so all the tools got shipped off to auntie's house where she has a massive garage. Went down the other day to pick up some spanners and the mitre saw (much like the one above), and found what looked like a handheld circular saw. But the blade was oddly much bigger, and there was 2 of them side by side.

So, ask the uncle 'what does this do?' 'aah. That cuts cavities into wood floors for laying cable in' (dad was an electrician). I decided to leave it where it was.
Nothing strange in that, it's probably a dado blade which is more commonly set-up on table saws for cutting wide grooves.

 
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