Divorce, verbal loans and money grabbing ex..help!

I appreciate there are related topics on this subject but having read them all, and I have, I am still unclear and I can not find anything that fits my situation.


Married for five years been separated for five and now the ex has filed for divorce. The catalyst is I am coming to the end of 28 years service and she knows about the lump sum and pension and is claiming that I owe her circa £18,000. Why? This part maddens me.

Before we married she had a house and unknown to me at the time a recent loan tied within. She decided to rent to a 'trusted' friend as a private arrangement and she moved into married quarters with me. This 'trusted' friend failed to pay rent and eventually absconded from the property. I done the honourable thing and covered the mortgage and loan within for several months, accrued debt in the process but it was all on the understanding that when the house was sold she would repay these debts. The house sold for circa £30.000 less than the original estimate but she did pay some of the debts off with what was left over i.e. the £18.000. She has now stated that this was a 'verbal loan' to pay off my unsecured debts with no mention of the fact that I accrued these debts to keep her head above water for a house and loan that did not have my name against any of it. It appears she has convieniently refrained from telling her solicitor this. The worst part is she borrowed £25000 of my father and has listed this as my debt to him!

I am a single parent to an 11 year old to which she was a step-mother (his natural mother left me high and dry when he was a baby). The claiming ex wife works full time, grown up daughter working full time and a son at college but working part time. I have been in a debt management programme since we parted and am soon coming to the end of paying creditors off.

Strange thing is that whilst she has filed for divorce through the courts this financial claim is seperate and is coming from letters through her solicitor, i.e. no courts involved.

Sorry for the long winded background in which I bear my soul but just after any advice or knowledge from anyone with similar past experience. I am reluctant to get a solicitor as I spent £10.000 securing residence orders and parental responsibility orders for my son.
I think you will have to get a solicitor to deal with this one.

It does sound like a ambit claim on her part but I can't advise.

Best of luck.
Get a solicitor because it will be cheaper in the long run and a damned sight better than anonymous advice from a website inhabited by all sorts!

However my tuppence worth would be that a verbal loan is not worth the paper it's written on. The claim being separate from the divorce seems odd as I would have thought she would claim against your pension during the divorce proceedings - remember you have an equal right to claim against hers as well.
Your ex has some title to your mil pension. If you don't want to involve a lawyer - which really is probably the best idea- any of us on here who are qualified to give legal advice spend all their time avoiding so doing - contact the SPVA. They will charge you for telling you how much you are going to be robbed by.

This is probably the wholly inappropriate time for the "if you can't take a joke ..." statement.
Thanks for that but one question if you can help; is she entitled to just my pension or can she take a stab at my commuted lump sum?
Big booklet here. According to pages 11 (Pension Sharing Orders) and 12 (Pension Attachment Orders), yes. In the former case, they essentially become a scheme member with a %age of your pension (specified by the court) up to the relevant date. In the latter case the order specifies exactly what they get. (I am assuming you're not a Jock - rules differ in the frozen North.)

But you need professional advice.
Lawyer up. she's ******* chancing it

Alternatively I'll Jill Dando doorstep challenge it for a %

******* snakes with tits
If in England/Wales you may qualify for legal aid but you will need to instruct a solicitor to deal with divorce proceedings which can be tricky and expensive if things go wrong.
When you divorce both parties have to give a statement of their finances which will include pension entitlement, and income, outstanding debt which will be considered when calculating maintenance. As you have custody she should pay you maintenance for the child by Law if you are the resident parent.
When I divorced my dozy ex did not think about a claim against my pension pot despite it being disclosed. The trial judge pointed out that the property was her pension pot!
Verbal loans may be taken into account when calculating levels of maintenance as I was in a similar boat as my dad paid off some of the ex's debts and lent us some money to purchase the matrimonial home to which she denied all knowledge. I simply then got my dad to draft a letter stating what he loaned her which seemed to satisy the court.
I would simply write back to the solicitor informing them that any financial matters would form part of the divorce settlement and would be dealt with by the courts accordingly
good luck
Thanks yater_spoon, great advice and much appreciated. Strange thing is she filed the divorce petition and the nisi was presented to the judge for approval on 15th March so I am waiting to hear something soon. What puzzles me is she has not mentioned any financial claims or matters as part of this, the letters are merely coming direct from her solicitor, no court involvement. I am confused as to why she is doing this seperately which makes me think she is chancing her arm and does not want to take her bloody lies to court!
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