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Divorce Rate

Is the modern Army compatible with marriage?

  • Total voters
It seems as if every senior I speak to now is on their second or third marriage - and the name CSA strikes fear into their hearts. As a young single soldier on the verge of proposing to my missus, what I want to know is why is the divorce rate so damn high?

Some suggestions I've had so far:

Isolation of Army camps
"Squaddie" lifestyle of young lads, drink and peer pressure
Tours - far too many!
Army taking priority over everything
Squaddie wife mafia
Cheating wives and PTI s
Have you asked the senior's how old they were when they first got married??

From what I've seen most "divorced" seniors who are on 2nd/3rd marriages got married at 18/19/20 to their girlfriends shortly after joining up and passing out of basic training.............. neither having any/much experience of life let alone life being married to the army!

Maybe getting married too young/too soon is the problem, not necesarily the army!
Many "girlfriends" accept that their soldier boyfriend is posted away while they are ar home in the UK, what they dont realise is how much time he spends away from camp when he is "away". So when girlfriend becomes wife and joins him she is not prepared for the seperation, she could cope with it as a girlfriend in the UK, but not as a wife in Fallingbostal.
Another reason I've seen is when the posting notice comes through: "You can go if you want to, but I'm staying here with my Mum." Is your missus prepared to move to the arrse end of the earth for some years, and stick it out? Amazing how many don't even think of this. Yet another reason is when prospective or real wifey has got as good or a better job in civ strasse than you have. Usually means renting/buying a property where wifey is, you living in at new posting, next posting comes along then Hey Presto! you're a singly again. Yes, times have changed, but one thing hasn't. That's who has first pull on what you do and where you go to do it. And it's not the missus. If she's OK with that - really OK, not just saying it, 'cos you'll be on stag somewhere when she wants to go an Ann Summers party, but the kids need looking after - then go for it. Think ahead 20 years - kids, more kids, schools, civ strasse, house ... neither of you should be under any illusions.

<<Sermon Mode Off>> Seriously, think it through. These seniors aren't all going round the track again for no reason.
In my opinion the strain of long periods of separation and a stressful job can take its toll on relationships.
I am single but my father was a soldier and i am from his second marriage.
Theres far less incentive these days for anyone to see marriage as a lifelong committment. I have two marriages behind me, and am now single again, I dont see it as any kind of failure, I loved both my wives, the relationships ran their course, now they're over (shrug)
Would I do it again? sure, if the right woman came along.
People take life too seriously, life, death, tax and marriage, dont shy away from any of them, they are as inevitable as repeats of "Dads Army"
Get stuck in, if you're still together in fifty years, good for you, if not, well the world wont stop turning. :D
Just as an added thought, I don't think a high divorce rate is only applicable to army life. Many, many people on civvy street are also on 2nd/3rd marriages regardless of army life, tours, serving etc etc.
I think it's just a symptom of how things are in the world today. Army life may act as a catalyst but the bottom line is if it is meant to work out it will.
As Sandy said, get stuck in :-D
don't get married in the first place in civvie street, however in the forces it will mean single accomodation unless you buy a house off base, if you get moved around the house will still be there and she wont be alone with her family around.

i have never married because i dont believe in it, the divorce is geared in favour of the women, i m happy to live together andi am prepared to do everything for the kids if there is any,
Cheers, all! I think it's probably best not to worry too much, in case she thinks I'm trying to put her off! Discussed it thouroughly this week, and she (whether she realises everything it entails) couldn't be more sure that she's ok with moving about. Lucky me!

That being said, we both come from devout Catholic families with quick tempered mothers - pretty sure we would be killed by our respective mother in laws if we divorced!
It can be difficult - as long as you are both prepared for the tough times. I joined the army at 17, got married at 28 and finished my 22 years still together. The toughest part for my wife was the loss of identity - it was always "Wife of" titles then, but I think it has changed now. The first time my wife saw our married quarter she burst into tears !! (it must have been the matching green carpet, purple curtains and yellow settee)
When I got married (only the 1 wife :) ) I was posted in 3 weeks and we ended up in the middle of nowhere with no barracks or Naafi/wifes club etc and within 2 weeks of arrival I was off on a 6 week ex.

My missus went from being at home with Mum to being in a foreign country in her own home all alone for 6 weeks.

A very good lesson in what marrying a soldier can be like.

Still it must have worked as we are still married after 18 years of stagging on and 5 years of being a fat usless civie..
Mmmmmmmm... well, I served and a few years after I left, married back into the Army. I divorced him, not because of the moves (8 in 9 years of marriage - about the going rate I think) but because of his attitude towards me. Most wives I met were earning more than their husbands when they married him (including me) but were happy enough to make the inevitable sacrifice. In most of the divorces I came across it was for the same reason as my own.

I have something of a theory that military men are no worse generally then civvy men - just worse in certain aspects. The primary one is the disresepct with which they end up treating their spouses - some kind of cross between a junior sprog and the block cleaner. I suggest to you that you keep treating her as an equal partner, like you did before you married her, and you won't go far wrong.
some kind of cross between a junior sprog and the block cleaner. I suggest to you that you keep treating her as an equal partner, like you did before you married her, and you won't go far wrong.
Well no, I do not treat my wife like a junior sprog, she is far more intelligent than the best of them in camp, as for block cleaner - I wish, she wouldnt know one end of a tin of polish from the other. and this is wife Mk2. Wife Mk1 at 26 and Wife Mk2 at 31, just for your statistics thats its young marriages that go wrong!
pentwyn said:
In my opinion the strain of long periods of separation and a stressful job can take its toll on relationships.
I am single but my father was a soldier and i am from his second marriage.
Doesn't stop you being a mong though.

On a serious note, I got my paperwork through the other day. It's all legalese, I am getting a ALS chappy to look through it for me. Can we have a party when it's all over?

See - still being nice.
When I was in, a long time ago now, the highest divorce rates in the UK were the police and army.

The highest in the army were SAS followed by RMP.

My ex (who had been married to a civpol) told me it was worse with RMP than civpol as she got crap from some wives for being married to a policeman as well as the crap all wives get for being married to a soldier.

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