Disposing of a corpse

Mother Nature has been doing it for millions of years and still is. Of course she isn't being chased by forensic police.
So I guess the best way is of making sure it is not discovered, surely not difficult in this day and age what with police budget cuts and the "quality" of some of the "police officers" they have nowadays, then letting natural processes go to work.
If caught tell them that the victim was a nazi homophobe who'd hurt your feelings by posting a joke video on the youtube.
 
Allegedly based on an Australian true crime story. At any rate, the solicitor's clerk Brian Alexander has never been heard of again, nor has his body been discovered:


For those who like morality mixed in with such tales, if you want to survive until old age, don't take your pay from both sides of the law at once, lest your life turn out to be "Nasty, brutish, and short."
 
Mother Nature has been doing it for millions of years and still is. Of course she isn't being chased by forensic police.
So I guess the best way is of making sure it is not discovered, surely not difficult in this day and age what with police budget cuts and the "quality" of some of the "police officers" they have nowadays, then letting natural processes go to work.
If caught tell them that the victim was a nazi homophobe who'd hurt your feelings by posting a joke video on the youtube.
We " nazi homophobes" are a persecuted minority and we demand the right to exist in this PC society.
 
Allegedly based on an Australian true crime story. At any rate, the solicitor's clerk Brian Alexander has never been heard of again, nor has his body been discovered:


For those who like morality mixed in with such tales, if you want to survive until old age, don't take your pay from both sides of the law at once, lest your life turn out to be "Nasty, brutish, and short."

I'd forgotten that film. I found that clip quite disturbing mainly because of the music.
 
Wrap it up in gift paper and tags then leave it in your car in Tottenham it will be gone in a minute !
Or New York City.
A recall reading a few years ago about a woman in NYC whose beloved pet monkey dies. She put it into a shoebox and wrapped it with flowered paper to take the little furry corpse to the pet crematory. Unfortunately she stopped at a store on the way and her car was broken into and the parcel stolen.
I laughed imagining the face of the thief when he opened it.
 
For the definitive, foolproof solution to your “problem” OP, send cash in plain brown envelope to our home address (we’re in the book). We offer a minimum 10 year guarantee of complete confidentiality.

Messrs. K & G McCann,
Problem Solvers To The Eternally Innocent.

(References are available on request)
 
Skimming through the Biffa-sponsored Corrie McKeague thread I got to wondering if there really is a perfect way of disposing of a corpse? The landfill only ever got searched because there was a strong suspicion he was there, otherwise it would seem to be the perfect place. Surely if you diced a body up and stuffed it into well sealed garden bin bags and put it out with the garbage, that would be the last anyone would ever see of it? Shallow graves don't seem to work too well as they often randomly seem to be discovered, normally by dog walkers - Levi Bellfield didn't do a very good job despite the large size of Yately forest and clearly if he'd put a bit more effort in he'd be eligible for parole by the time he's 85 if it hadn't been for that pesky kid.

Any thoughts / experience on the perfect way to dispose of a body - research for a book I'm writing with Pete Townsend :)
Here's a good guide.

 
A former State Pathologist in Ireland used to delight in telling the story of how a diver on a body search at sea spotted a skull and reached for it, only for it to scuttle away, as the crab living inside it didnt want to give up his new house.............apart from that, to see how the professionals do it, look up the Body Farm, run by an American professor, who studies how bodies decay in different environments such as inside cars, in fresh water, in seawater, exposed to the open air, wrapped in plastic and so on.
 
Highs interrogation with the police also ensured his downfall. Instead of denying any involvement with the murder he told the police that he had done away with Mrs Durand-Deacon and that her body would never be found. He mistakenly believed that he could not be convicted of murder if the body was missing (corpus delicti) however the term actually referred to the body of the crime itself not the physical body of the victim.
This prompted the police to search his workshop and it's surrounding grounds finding the gallstones, dentures and a plastic handbag.
Haigh is reputed to have responded to the Governor's offer of a tot just before the final act with "Why not, and in the circumstances you might make that a double" or similar - if you have to go at least do it with style.
 
Here's a good guide.

A former State Pathologist in Ireland used to delight in telling the story of how a diver on a body search at sea spotted a skull and reached for it, only for it to scuttle away, as the crab living inside it didnt want to give up his new house.............apart from that, to see how the professionals do it, look up the Body Farm, run by an American professor, who studies how bodies decay in different environments such as inside cars, in fresh water, in seawater, exposed to the open air, wrapped in plastic and so on.
That was featured by billy Connolly, on his travels around America, stiffs lying around in the open, in a compound somewhere in the asrehole of nowhere, a long term investigation by a university, away from prying eyes, each one monitored , some having been there for years, billy was most reverential, could you imagine Roy chubby brown or Frankie Boles comments had they been there. A bit macabre, and creepy.
 
Haigh is reputed to have responded to the Governor's offer of a tot just before the final act with "Why not, and in the circumstances you might make that a double" or similar - if you have to go at least do it with style.
That wasn't John Haigh, it was Neville Heath. Haigh, as ever striving for perfection, asked for a dry run of his hanging. This was refused.
 
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Did anyone check that suit, I mean, properly check it?

 
I'm pleased to confirm that the lye (potassium hydroxide) method actually works.I was somewhat sceptical, but I was wrong.
If anyone is interested in a slightly used large pressure vessel,I'm sure we can come to some agreement on price and delivery.
 
A former State Pathologist in Ireland used to delight in telling the story of how a diver on a body search at sea spotted a skull and reached for it, only for it to scuttle away, as the crab living inside it didnt want to give up his new house.............apart from that, to see how the professionals do it, look up the Body Farm, run by an American professor, who studies how bodies decay in different environments such as inside cars, in fresh water, in seawater, exposed to the open air, wrapped in plastic and so on.
On another forum, long, long ago we had a septic troll. I got hold of the University of Tennessee form for donation of your body to the above-mentioned farm and used to post it and send it to him along with instructions of how best to off himself.

body donation form
 
A former State Pathologist in Ireland used to delight in telling the story of how a diver on a body search at sea spotted a skull and reached for it, only for it to scuttle away, as the crab living inside it didnt want to give up his new house.............apart from that, to see how the professionals do it, look up the Body Farm, run by an American professor, who studies how bodies decay in different environments such as inside cars, in fresh water, in seawater, exposed to the open air, wrapped in plastic and so on.
Apparently there's only one of these farms elsewhere in the world, that happens to be here down here in Australia

Inside the secret Australian body farm helping real-life CSIs

Someone also attempted their own amateur body farm in the Belanglo state forest a while back
 

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