Dismembered Teddy

"Throwing Teddy in the corner" is an oft-used phrase, but it's a long time since I've heard people speak of his various stages of dismemberment prior to his flight.

I've seen tables of the degree of displeasure and the resulting retribution taken on Teddy, but they've not been consistent. One of the longest I've seen involved about a dozen levels of torture inflicted on Teddy. I intended to copy it down, but the only paper available at the time was shiny stuff and my pen wouldn't write.

What punishments were awarded to your Teddy, and for what?
My Teddy was kidnapped and had an ear chopped off unless I gave in to the demands to leave a slab laying in a certain area.
Assorted polaroids were produced showing masked men with guns to his head as he was tied to a chair.
Naturally I refused and as a result Teddy was beheaded and returned to me in a shoe box, dropped from a landrover that sped past the VCP. OC called me down to break the loss to me.
Bloody good exercise that one and kidnapping kept everyone amused.
Bit p1ssed off though as I was planning on seeing what happened to it when I shoved a T'bang up its @rse.
London OTC shooting team used to have a pet stuffed rabbit (approx 1½ ft tall) won at a fair /petrol station (can’t remember which) by one of the girls. It started off with the honorary rank of corporal and by the end of its tour (about a year) had been promoted to full General (1 rank increased per injury received).
At first it was purely the mascot, and then it dawned on someone that it made a splendid target. It survived SLRs (for it was that long ago), SMGs , Brownings & LMGs/GMPGs. Grenades were tried and I think that I remember that it finally was sent to its maker with some PE4 on a range dems day.

It died honourably with many toasts to its memory.

As an aside the longest surviving uninjured (/semi-injured) mascot/ teddy must be O/Cdt Edward Bear RMAS (of parachuting fame)?
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