Disgusting: has marriage become a farce?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bernoulli, Jun 18, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I read a really appalling story in the paper the other day. After 15 years of loving and uneventful marriage, this guy took to subjecting his wife to increasingly savage and apparently randomly triggered beatings.


    What took him so long? my father, God bless him, who never missed a day's work in forty years and always wore a shirt and tie, no matter the day or the weather, was dragging my mother around the house by her hair and braying her with a an old carburretor in a sock on their very wedding night ( Principally because she called him a no-cock, welsh cunt..).

    I am all for maintaining a certain mystique in a relationship, and waiting a few days before revealing your bread-knife braying prowess, but fifteen years is just plain taking the p*ss.
    Come on fellas, let her know she's special and say it with a length of electrical flex and a barber's strop! :thumright:
  2. Taxi to hell Bernie, and no stopping at the schnelly on the way mate!!
  3. I missed you Bernie xxxx
  4. On the contrary, sweaty-sock lass, I leave Madame Palm and her five lovely daughters sated on a nightly basis, and that's when I can't be bothered to go down into the cellar and schtupp the limbless, mewling thing that I keep chained to the radiator and feed chicken heads to.
    Anyway, do you not have a father, a husband or a brother to regulate your access to the Web? bring on Sharia law, it's for winners!
  5. Bernie, you fcuking disgust me! Normal decent people have endured your posts about raping the disabled, and been appalled as you described skinning prostitutes alive to make a woman suit as well as trivialising domestic violence. This time, however, you have well and truly crossed the line for offensiveness.Fancy admitting on arrse that your father was Welsh, that's just the kind of filth we're trying to keep out of here.
  6. I would rather be buggered by a prize winning leek than be welsh
  7. :lol: :lol: :lol: Had me going for most of that there, too! :p
  8. Far worse things can happen to you eg bepng english with an inferiority complex :D
  9. Bernie,

    Awesome post mate, 0730 on a shite Tue morning and I'm grinning like a wanking monkey!
  10. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I'm not entirely sure I agree with your methods. Trouble is, I'm an old romantic. I believe in bringing the lady flowers, chocolates and nice things. Pampering and cossetting. Massaging her hands and feet, well, when I can recall where I put them. And taking her head out of the jar to brush her hair.
    As I said, a romantic gentleman.
  11. Standing by with prize-winning vegetable boyo ......
  12. Bernie, I've just had the 'board' out and I've been in touch with your Dad. He's not happy. Is there a Ronald in the family?
  13. I echo Bernies sentiment, although I do believe Skywalker0 is lying about spilling his brew... let me guess, all over the monitor / keyboard.

    There is absolutley no point in owning a lady creature if you can't dish her out a good hiding when you lose your temper, other than draining your hampton what other purpose do they serve?

    A female who gets idea's above her station can soon be placed back where she belongs by a quick jab to the epiglotis with a five knuckle truffle, beautifully wrapped and carrying the force of a lagered up windmilling wifebeater..... Should she go back to her parents with black eyes and open sores, a swift phonecall to them with 'You pair of cnuts are next if you don't give her another dig.......... send her home for 16:30 so she can have my tea ready........ I've never liked either of you.... and no cnut likes socks three christmas's on the trot' leave the phone off the hook, then smash the tele so the in laws know you mean business.

    When she gets home you should be sat in a puddle of your own p1ss, sh1t smeared up the walls and in your hair, blame her for it and watch the Rugby while she cleans up........ making her stop every few minutes to allow her to tongue your date.
  14. I think there is a slight flaw in the plan........
  15. Aww MDN ever the romantic I see .. Nothing like a man coming home dishing out a good old fashion pasting! .. Just to remind us women folk of just how much he cares, and what our place is, in the home. And their was me thinking all the lads had gone soft in the head!!! Nowt like a real man, putting his boot in, then dragging you off to bed to finish the whole lot off by screwing your brains out!!!