Disgusted Civvy mates

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bloodgroup_o+, Oct 16, 2008.

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  1. Having come ome on leave after a few years being in, I've realised I have no civy mates who aint ex squaddies or bouncers. Looking back on it, over scenes of my own body fluid, fondlin the disabled an other indecent stuff on the lash, I can understand why I'm now better off spendin all my leave humpin the mrs.

    So over the years whats the most outragous situation you have offended/disgusted/humiliated/soiled on your civvy mates/family/0A?

    Winner gets a waterproof friend
  2. wey hey, I am pleased that there is someone else who is having the same " civvy mate" dilemma as myself.

    I left the Engineers 10 years ago and as i have no dress sense had to opt for another uniformed job chasing baddies about. Thinking it would be quite similar humour wise as being a squaddie.

    How wrong can you get !!

    Imagine my surprise to find myself stood to attention in front of the Superintendant after a shift "do" as they call it. Couldnt think for the life of me why until i found out that a few people had complained at my graphic explanation of the World Renowned game of " freckles " aparantly civvies dont go in for that along with my shout of " naked bar "

    Soft civvie jessies

  3. Ah the naked bar, a common mistake in judgement when in the company of civpop. Been there haha :roll: I have also made the mistake of thinking that anyone in a uniform had the same sense of humour, to my regret 24 hours after when I woke up in a cell after being lifted for indecent exposure. You don't realise how good the banter is until your around "normal" folk.
  4. A couple of instances spring to mind.....a little incident when awaiting the bus destined for a night out with a couple of mates from 19RA after having imbibed 2 bottles of Smirnoff Blue between us we decided to have a "Clear all decks ready for the onslaught, puking competition" at the bus stop, needless to say the locals were a bit traumatized, continued with the drinking of said spirit along with Stella and using the bottles to "Launch" the glass cricket ball style afterwards and eventually ending up eating the contents of an ashtray in the local curry house.......................................And, turning up at a housewarming in Chester quaffing Asbach and Coke out of a pint milk bottle dressed in manky jeans, Battery t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off only 5 minutes before and a pair of Air-wear with Fcuk the fcuk OFF! stencilled on the sides and generally being obnoxious to the point of fondling many of the females present then offering to "total" their Boyfriends/Spouses when challenged, later in the evening after evicting a couple engaged in frenzied humping from the front room sofa and getting a couple of hours "Gonk", I was spotted wandering around the said estate in nothing but my socks, still clutching my pint bottle of Germany's finest, in the morning I was asked why i'd been so much trouble by the host's wife and he interjected with "You think THAT'S trouble?" followed by "Don't ask him to do the dance of the flaming arseholes FFS!!!"....cue BGJ running to the papershop on a Sunday morning looking for the observer and a box of matches!
  5. You need to move to Essex then! Quite often hear various things along the same vein hollered across a table full of Bacardi Breezers on a Saturday night...
  6. Lack of appreciation at your black humour. They dont get thew sick jokes. They cant understand why a grown man finds pi55ing his pants hilarious. They associate it with toddlers or those of a nervous disposition. They cant understand why a suqaddie (or ex) could be so merciless and cruel as to take the pis5 out of a mong and yet be the first to donate to a charity that trieds to better the existence of said mongs. We are, to quote someone who I cant remember, a rare breed.
  7. Went to a wedding in Cardiff a few years back (2000).

    All the civvys present didn't appreciate the naked bar or the fact we drunk from 7 on the Friday night untill 5 on the Sunday morning :?

    The hotel owners didn't like the 6 missing pictures from their function room neither 8)

  8. Those of the sorts of tales of derring do that are allto frequently missing from wedding stories nowadays. :cry:
  9. Cheers mate. The fact that people came from BFG, NI, FI, Bosnia etc wasn't recognised either :(
  10. They don't appreciate calling a 'naked taxi' when travelling through the mersey tunnel.

    I really can't understand their humour. (apparently it's on BBC3 these days)
  11. Don't know who you guys are hanging out with, but all my mates have sick and black humour. Even to the point I am disgusted with them, but giggle anyway. Try moving to Durham, I know some guys that put the squaddies to shame :)
  12. I was working in the planning office today with a young 21yo apprentice; telling him the tales of playing freckles and double leggers. He laughed his tits off, he is wasted in civvy street.

    Civvy mates? Only in the rugby club. The rest are wasters.

  13. So true.
  14. I'm still serving but I've finished a tour in a place that was mainly civil servants (I know, I know - but no choice!). It was during the time of the Maddie McCann thing and reading some the sick and twisted jokes from these esteemed pages one day in the office whilst biting my knuckle trying to stop laughing aloud, i decided to share some with a few (i thought) broadminded and similar humoured civilian colleagues. As I finished reading the joke from the screen (something about the Pope, Maddie and virgins if I recall) wiping a tear of laughter from my eye I looked up to see three people staring at me wide mouthed in disbelief - It wasn't long (measured in minutes I think) before I had my heels together in front of the Colonel - ho hum, back to the tedium then. :roll: :(
  15. i made a similar mistake before, i told my civvy colleagues that i had a dorris coming round mine for a drink and they said are you going to get her drunk and have your way?
    i said yeah, failing that i've got some rohypnol at home :twisted:

    dissaproving looks for the rest of the day 8O