Disgusted......but impressed at the same time!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by numbered_3, Mar 6, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. During a recent piss up, an oppo and myself had to dap off and break the seal! However on route back from the bog's we thought it'd be a good idea to completely turn over a friends room which he had foolishly left open!
    So as you do, we did the deed and left his corrimec behind us with all his belongings, contents of his locker paperwork piss bottles etc in a pile in the middle of the floor! (Yeah i know pretty poor by all accounts but time was against us and compromise risk was high)

    Que 3am, piss up finishes, N_3's door locks and the cry of 'You cnut's' comes from said friends room!

    Now the friend in question was so slaughtered he didn't actually have a clue who had carried out the act and when he described it to me the next day i looked at him straight faced and said i promised i didn't know who had done it! So off he went slightly annoyed and worse for wear to carry out his day's duties!

    To cut a long story short, somebody bubbled me (my fcuking wingman) and revenge was clearly on the cards, but because the victim was due to go on R+R shortly after the act was committed i decided to let my guard down! (What a mong)

    4 Day's pass and N_3 is laying on his bed bored thinking about how he can have his daysack tailored! So i get out of my bed and lean down to my rocket pouches, picking one of them up to place on the side of my daysack to see what it looks like.
    Its at this stage i smell something funky about my rocket pouch, so i pick up the other one and do the courtesy sniff test, nothing funky about that one!

    So i decide to open up my rocket pouch and the smell gets stronger, i undo the canoe sack and the smell is overwhelming and upon looking inside i see revenge has been had! THE B*STARD HAS HAD THE SHITS IN MY FCUKING CANOE SACK!

    Although seething at first, i saw the funny side and was actually rather impressed with the effort, especially considering i hadn't found it for ages! After scrubbing the thing out with bleach about 20 times (I'm not chucking it away i'm far to cheap) the smell has gone, but i'm stuck for original idea's as to how to get him back! I can't let this one go!

    Anyone had anything worse done to them?!
     
  2. Many years ago, I was at sunny Sennybridge, we hd a unrine up and went to bed pi55ed as a fart. When I woke up in the morning I found I could not get out of said bed! This was due to the fact my 'mates' had tied be down to the bed with bungee and para cord! When I finally exricated myself, they then asked if I feeling alright and I looked a bit cross, due to the fact they had tied me down I said no Im fine tired and pi55ed still. Then i went to the ablutions to have a wash and shave etc, looked in the mirror, to find the barstewards had marked a cross on my head with boot polish!!!!!!!

    Stilts

    PS, before there are any smart arrse answers my hoop was still intact!!!!
     
  3. video yourself skiffing all his stuff,do a compilation n send it to him when you have a good 10 mins worth of skiffing on video
     
  4. shit in a sandwich bag and put it at the bottom of his sleeping bag - fcuking revenge their mate
     
  5. could always get him so p**sed he passes out, get him to bed and squirt extra hot chilli sauce on his hoop, leave a strange pair of skivvies and a condom with mayo in it on the floor of his room, then ask him innocently the next day "who was that big bloke you were talking to last night?"

    Provided you can keep a straight face it can have amazing results

    stab
     
  6. About 12 years ago in Germany, one of the boys who lived in my room could'nt for the love of Christ hold his ale, this resulted in him pissing over the room at roughly 4 am. On one occasion it became all too much....he pissed on my bed.....on returning from the lash, being a thoughtful lad, I didn't turn the light on and jumped into my pit. A freezing cold piss soaked quilt and pillow was my repayment for being considerate......the thoughts of his bludgeoned naked twitching corspe swam into my mind....the entrenching tool glistening in the moons glow, slick with his blood......but the cnut was so mortalled that it would be a painless death for him.....no....something else would have to be formulated........about a week later he was posted to BATUS as a dvr for one of the bullet magnet redtops.....well we had a camera and he'd left locker open.......buffoon....2 and a half weeks later he receives his mail.....he openend it to see 8 photos slip out.....the pics showed how we cleaned our anuses with his toothbrush (externally and internally), arsed his flannel, squashed a shit in the top of his bergan, jizzed in his mouthwash....and a few more......The pisser is back in Battalion now and works with me...he has no idea it was me and has not uttered a peep about his little happy snaps......revenge was sweet.