Dirty Bassard

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by StevenPreece, Oct 11, 2006.

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  1. A few weeks ago I finished a workout in the gym and opted to sit in the steam room to wind down. There was a middle-aged guy sat next to me. Suddenly he lifted a razor to his face and started shaving. When he finished he leaned forward and tapped the razor onto the bench allowing all his facial air to fall into a pile. Then he swept it onto the floor with his hand before getting up and walking out to use the jacuzzi. I sat for a while, feeling a little unclean. Then I thought, the Dirty Crabby Bassard. I felt like dragging him out of the jacuzzi by his hair and back into the steam room to clean his mess up, but thought better of it. Instead, I turned on the nearby hose pipe and hosed the steam room out. The crabby git smiled as I did it, but then lost his smile when I turned the high powered cold water hose onto him.

    The filthy git ran out of the exit door. Hope I don't see him in there again coz he's going to get the hose every time I see him from now on .

    What woud you have done?

  2. we've actually got a sign on our gym steam room door forbidding it - fecking gopping!

    good on you for teaching him a lesson, make sure you complain to the gym mgt about it (but dont tell them what you did)
  3. I would have sunk to my knees and taken him in my mouth and asked him to shave my bonce as I completed him.

    I would then have crimped my own toes off with a pair of bolt croppers and eaten them with his delicious seed
  4. Told him at the time to clear up his crap and offer to rub well worn sweaty fresh cut pube clippings in his face to show my disgust.

    Then again, he might get off on that.
  5. I beleive the technical term for this is the 'Big Man' manoeuvre.
  6. I'd have ran out of the steam room clutching my arrse shouting repeatedly 'HE JUST TRIED TO RAPE ME' and pointing at the offending man!
    Then i would have turned the hose on him, taken his razor and cut his throat!
  7. I'd have done exactly the same then laughed heartily as the hose was turned on me.

    Then again I could have lied about the whole incident , maybe even writing a sh1te book about the trials and tribulations of being a bootie.

    Surely, you being an ex bootie, would have taken the offender roughly from behind before leaving your DNA in his colon?

  8. Is this going to appear in your next book where you are working as a Bodyguard for Prince Abdullah and you had only just finished sh*gging the nanny in the sauna whilst your ex Bootie mate was on the phone to a Russian hitman telling him that if he sets foot in Hartlepool again he'll break his legs??
  9. It's usually me that gets the hose for public masturbation. Sorry I couldn't be of help.
  10. MMM... Thank you sweetie.
    I was having trouble finishing myself in the Jacuzzi. But as soon as that cold water hit me I started milking myself.

    Haven't cum so hard since I popped that Springer Spaniel... Took the neighbours a few days to complain about the smell that time.
  11. North Howard Street Mill had a Sauna fitted once - on the 1st night it worked some cnut had a shiite in it and it was out of action for the rest of the tour. Apparently it feckin reeked!!!
  12. Yeah, they had one at McCrory Park as well, about the size of a garden shed and normally chocker with naked RUC types drinking poteen and singing 'The Sash'. Couldn't swing a cat in it. (I know, I tried)
  13. mmmm call me old fashioned if you want but something tells me that your not quite taking this seriously are you mdn!!
  14. Was he Muslim? :?