Dinner Night Graces

Being the newest member of my unit I have been given the pleasure of Mr Vice on friday. Having had great fun in reading the thread on Mr Vice wind ups I know what to expect. Apparantly I have to produce my own grace for the evening and was wondering if any one had any tried and tested ones or tips etc as I havent got a clue.
hopefully youre Mr Vice because youre the most junior in the mess rather than being the newest!
other than that have a great night, try to enjoy it, roll with whatevers thrown and dont throw your teddy in the corner.


An interesting opportunity to turn the tables on your fellow mess members who are gleefully anticipating an evening of flustered agony on your part. No doubt you - and they - will be anticipating an attempt by you to come up with a 'grace' which attempts to be brief, snappy and witty. Instead, why not fight back by producing a lengthy, embarassing and apparently sincerely and enthusiastically religious prayer, possibly followed by a short hymn - I would suggest 'Kum By Yah' - for which you could produce a guitar from underneath the table. By the end of this performance, your fellow mess members will be absolutely aghast, squirming with embarassment and unable to look you in the face for hours, let alone perform any nasty tricks on you.

Got to be worth a try. :D
Pod stolom uvidimsja

The rough translation means 'I'll see you again under the table'.


“Here’s to swimming with bow legged women”


Post molestam senectutem, nos habebit humus

"After annoying Old Age, the Earth will have us"

Here's to the maiden so pert and neat, she makes things stand that have no feet!
I have only one tip - don't do a Catholic grace in a Protestant regiment... that'll be a bottle, then (in the head).
Or if you are a donkeywalloper then try this old favourite

French cavalry toast

À Nous
À nos femmes
À nos chevaux
Et, à ce qu’ils les montent
Et par St George vive la cavalerie

To us
To our wives
To our horses
And to those who ride them
And above st george long live the cavalry
With God at the begining, as well as at the end.

Taken from the Islamic eating rituals.
Here's one I have used before - specifically when the dinner is a gathering of the clan in an operational theatre:

From Tikrit in the the North
To the desert way out West
From Basrah in the southern zone,
We Rally by Request
O Oft Across this land, O Lord
We are so thinly spread,
No gathered here in Shat-al-Arab
God Bless our Daily bread
For the odd nautical scoff, should you be put in the hot seat:
"Oh Lord above,
Send down a dove
With wings as sharp as razors
To cut the throats
Of them there blokes
What sell bad scran to sailors".
We had a chaplain a few years ago who gave the following grace at a dinner:

Good Wine
Good Meat
Good God
Lets Eat

It went down well and is easy to remember. Easy one to keep up your sleeve.

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