Dimmest Dog Breeds/Tall Tales

#1
My boss has just paid a bloody fortune (£600 odd) for an English pointer puppy. All morning he has been extolling their virtues as "highly intelligent gun-dogs." This got me thinking about my own motheaten pooch. A boxer. For my money they are possibly the dimmest breed of dog. We have had to put little butterfly stickers on the patio windows so he will stop running into them (he's 13 by the way). And last summer chased a seagull so hard that he actually went straight of the end of South Parade pier at Portsmouth - which is a fair old drop for those who haven't seen it.

Anyone got a dimmer dog?
 
#2
Any dog with English in it's name is doomed to be a mong. My English Springer is about as swift as Aunty Stella doing long division.

On the other hand, my Gordon Setter is a smart pup. He can open the sliding glass door and soon will be trained to get me a beer. That puts him years ahead of most of the women I know.
 
#3
Once had a border collie which was a super intelligent dog, extremely obedient and all the trimmings, except that it could never calm down. It was so hyperactive that it would lose control and attack anything in sight (including wheel barrows, trees, sheds, my motorbike) and after a short period of what it seemed to be doggy mental health had to be sent to doggy heaven :(

Ash
 
#4
Corporal said:
On the other hand, my Gordon Setter is a smart pup. He can open the sliding glass door and soon will be trained to get me a beer. That puts him years ahead of most of the women I know.
And about four years ahead of yourself, eh Corps?

:lol:
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#5
I will admit to my undying shame that the English springer bitch in my avatar is probably the daftest I have come across, at 7 weeks would leap from a moving car if it could see rabbits, broke ice on a field drain to swim across for a downed pheasant at 8 months and to top it all a few years ago whilst they were moving Belle Tout lighthouse back from Beachy Head she lept from the back of my car and over a 250 foot drop chasing a seagull. Tide was in and the Coastguard picked her up. Much to my shame it made local tv news, national press and a septic tv crew filmed us for second chanceor some sh*t like that. She still embarresses me on shoot days by crapping all over the car park (lightening the load) but admittedly it is all in pursuit of game. The oldest sons dog however is plain stupid and we had him eliminated from the Gene pool. Never want to breed from either of those! My two latest b*tches are quite sensible by comparisom.
 
#6
I had a Beagle, thick as fcuk. used to bugger off a chase cars and stuff. Proper twa.t as it chewed everything and anything. Remotes, socks, shoes, armchair, carpet from a rented hoilday cottage!. ended up getting a big wire cage indoor kennel thingy and it had a go at that! and then cost me a bomb in dental fees!! However might have something to do with getting the thing free from I.C.I :p
 
#7
I had a Beagle, thick as fcuk. used to bugger off a chase cars and stuff. Proper twa.t as it chewed everything and anything. Remotes, socks, shoes, armchair, carpet from a rented hoilday cottage!. ended up getting a big wire cage indoor kennel thingy and it had a go at that! and then cost me a bomb in dental fees!! However might have something to do with getting the thing free from I.C.I :p
 
#8
had a great dane that was so busy swan necking at another dog that walked past she headbutted an oncoming lamp post - more than once!
 
#9
UlsterFry said:
Corporal said:
On the other hand, my Gordon Setter is a smart pup. He can open the sliding glass door and soon will be trained to get me a beer. That puts him years ahead of most of the women I know.
And about four years ahead of yourself, eh Corps?

:lol:
F*ck off, you Irish cnut. :D

This is why I didn't get an Irish Setter! The Scots are so much more advanced that the Irish. :wink:
 
#10
Corporal said:
UlsterFry said:
Corporal said:
On the other hand, my Gordon Setter is a smart pup. He can open the sliding glass door and soon will be trained to get me a beer. That puts him years ahead of most of the women I know.
And about four years ahead of yourself, eh Corps?

:lol:
F*ck off, you Irish cnut. :D

This is why I didn't get an Irish Setter! The Scots are so much more advanced that the Irish. :wink:
And here's me thinking you'd have given your left b*llock to have something that's actually got some Irish blood in your country. As opposed to the rest of your kin who seem to think that because they sniffed some Guinness, they're automatically Paddy Meehan from Co. Kildare!

Anyway, you couldn't pull an Irish Setter, some porridge wog dog is about your level. :wink:
 
#11
UlsterFry said:
As opposed to the rest of your kin who seem to think that because they sniffed some Guinness, they're automatically Paddy Meehan from Co. Kildare!
Agree with you here, I'm one of the few that doesn't claim to be Irish. Not wearing green today, told two women that mentioned it to pound sand.

UlsterFry said:
Anyway, you couldn't pull an Irish Setter, some porridge wog dog is about your level. :wink:
I'll put my Gordon up against an Irish any day. Irish Setters are the very definition of "Gwar Mong". :D
 
#12
Corporal said:
UlsterFry said:
Anyway, you couldn't pull an Irish Setter, some porridge wog dog is about your level. :wink:
I'll put my Gordon up against an Irish any day. Irish Setters are the very definition of "Gwar Mong". :D
Never had one, though we did have a wolfhound when I was a kid, which would have ripped your kiltwearing hound apart.

"My dog's bigger than yours!" :p

Besides, your dog being a Septic Setter, can it fit through the door?
 
#13
I have a black lab and a jack russell. The jack russell is the most intelligent dog I have ever met, depsite being raised by a cat. Near to human, but a bloody pain in the arse. The lab was then raised by the jack russell which was raised by a cat.

As a result, the lab thinks it is a cat sized cat, which it isn't. Tries to sit on peoples laps, climb on kitchen sides and jump through windows.

Went on a canal boat for a week, and whenever we got within sight of land, the black lab would launch itself overboard and head for shore. After this happening 8 times an hour, we tied it up on the bow. However it still attempted escape, thus being dragged along beside the boat!
 
#14
One of the dimmest dogs I ever knew was a blonde.
 
G

GingeG

Guest
#15
Bigjobs I too have a Jack Russel and the little b@strd is too intelliegent by half. Its actually trained my wife and I to do what it wants.
 
#16
GingeG said:
Bigjobs I too have a Jack Russel and the little b@strd is too intelliegent by half. Its actually trained my wife and I to do what it wants.
I've got a parsons russell (like a long legged jack). Also far too intelligent for me. How the f#ck he runs off and disappears, then reappears at my door an hour later, tail between his legs I'll never know!

Humps everything as well. Just like his dad! :wink:
 
#17
We,ve got a cat , the kids call it the mechanic , as it inspects under and around every car, bike,truck or bus that pulls up outside the house. me I just call it rocket as I launch it when it starts ripping up the newly laid.....
B_T
 
#18
My Akita came bounding back into the yard with the little neighbor girl's pet white rabbit fluffy in his teeth! I recovered the poor dead bunny which was covered in dirt and blood!

I was afraid he'd be pinched...so I covered up his crime. I washed and blow dried 'fluffy' and sneeked into the neighbors yard and placed the
no longer rancid rodent back into it's hutch.

The next morning I awoke to hear little polly's cries as she discovered the poor dear dead pet...and then her parent's horrified looks as they surveyed the sceen.

Playing the concerned neighbor...I went to the fence to inquire about the fuss and asked if the bunny was dead?

Yes, explained the father...but the odd bit was that fluffy had died 3 days before and had been buried at the botton of the garden.

I told them I thought I heard my phone ringing...and make a hastey departure.

8O
 
#19
I've got a Black Lab (rescue dog from RSPCA). Not sure what it thinks it is, but does a v. good impression of Ben Johnson. Problem is he doesn't stop after the 100m line, and keeps going....and going and going etc. Once knocked my mate clean off his feet whilst escaping out the front door. - Not a big deal until you hear that my mate is over 6ft, built like a brick sh1thouse and used to fight in the "Over 100kg" category!!

Dog now gainfully employed (tied up, of course!) in the "Ground Force" department, converting a rather tidy grass lawn into a building site - little sh1t!!! :-(

Ghost
 
#20


However lovely this little bugger is, this morning i had to "assist" a good handful of grass out of his puckered read end. At no time, whilst reading all sorts of books, did anyone mention that you had to assist them shite. I'm the kind of person who gips when someone clears their nose loudly, it was hell.

Boney
 
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