Dignitas Bacon

Getting old looks like being really cr@p, so the thought of checking out before being in a continual dribbly state wearing a nappy or being moved to a care home* is appealing.

One preferred option involves the resourcing of numerous ladies of negotiable affection of an athletic eastern European disposition, large amounts of recreational pharmaceuticals, Methuselahs of fizz and the open ended use of the 6* penthouse suite of a broad minded hotel in a lively and energetic party town.
It would probably be all over in minutes, however if my wasted corpse is then tipped in to an incinerator with a smile and a viagra assisted boner** to the stirring accompaniment of ACDC's "Highway to Hell"- mission accomplished

Bespoke planning, trialing and resourcing the means of such an end is however not straight forward and could be very hard work***, so with the good news that "Bacon is Bad for you" now being even more official, eating more bacon butties has been now integrated into the back up plan.

Yes, bacon really is killing us

On a more sober note, please can someone put together a scientific research lab that pushes out reports like:
"Beer may make you fat, but thin teetotallers are humorless cnuts" ,
"Cigarette taxes save more kids with cancer than they create"
"Monogamy is for w@nkers"
"Speed Kills quicker and saves waiting times at A&E"




*Though not being in control of bodily functions and living in sheltered housing might be a trip is similar to living in the mess, grown up permission to keep the bar open late isn't even an option, nor apparently are there bars?

** :rolleyes: yes, yes.... like a stiffy but smaller is always an option.....

*** "Anything worth doing is worth doing well" Hunter S Thompson
 
*Though not being in control of bodily functions and living in sheltered housing might be a trip is similar to living in the mess, grown up permission to keep the bar open late isn't even an option, nor apparently are there bars?
A while back I went for a job interview at a nursing home - they treated their residents rather well, including mealtime* drinks and an evening bar. There was a table of quite merry OAPS (like @jarrod248 just as nearly dead, but actually happy) during my lunchtime visit.

Then there is the nursing home that brought in pole dancers. Linky thingy



*probably not breakfast
 
A while back I went for a job interview at a nursing home - they treated their residents rather well, including mealtime* drinks and an evening bar. There was a table of quite merry OAPS (like @jarrod248 just as nearly dead, but actually happy) during my lunchtime visit.

Then there is the nursing home that brought in pole dancers. Linky thingy



*probably not breakfast
Must be like being in Alcatraz if they don’t bother serving alcohol at breakfast, disgraceful way to treat the elderly
 

chrismcd

Old-Salt
On a more sober note, please can someone put together a scientific research lab that pushes out reports like:
"Beer may make you fat, but thin teetotallers are humorless cnuts" ,
"Cigarette taxes save more kids with cancer than they create"
"Monogamy is for w@nkers"
"Speed Kills quicker and saves waiting times at A&E"
You should remember the toxicologists catechism:

Everything you like is either; Immoral, Illegal, fattening or causes cancer in white rats
 

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