Army Rumour Service

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Did Jesus play for Tottenham Hotspur daddy...?

3123

Clanker
My 6 year old has started making her bed in the morning. If she does it for a week she gets a fiver.

She has been saving the fivers for a month because I told her we can’t get a dog until we have a bigger house. I have told her to save up to buy a bigger house

We don’t want a dog, her bed making is a fruitless venture, a dog is binding and I’ll have to walk it before and after work. There will never be a dog, but she makes her bed.

This should be in the hole...

Anyone got any other lies they tell for an easy life?

...my cock stinks.
 
No but...

 
I remember being at a mates house and we heard the ice-cream van arrive, playing that daft music they play.

His youngest kid stands up and starts saying "bin man bin man bin man".
 
I used to work with younger kids for a bit, one of them asked me if I was in the war. I'm far too young to have been in WW2 and I have a guilty conscious so it would never sit well with me to covet stolen valour.

I thought about it for a bit and said, 'Yes, I was a spitfire pilot.'

I also told him I owned a Ferrari.
 

Wordsmith

LE
Book Reviewer
Seriously:

Try giving her an electronic pet...

Amazon link won't load properly but search for "Top Race TR-P5 Remote Control Dog" or similar

Wordsmith
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Did Jesus play for Tottenham Hotspur daddy...? No but he did sign for Manchester City in 2014.
No, but he did referee many of their games :mad:
 

BuggerAll

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I don’t know a lot about soccer but I thought the chance of Jesus playing for Spurs is only slightly more than the chance of a pope playing for Rangers.

Jesus has more chance because if he’s real he can use magic to make it happen.
 

morsk

LE
I don’t know a lot about soccer but I thought the chance of Jesus playing for Spurs is only slightly more than the chance of a pope playing for Rangers.

Jesus has more chance because if he’s real he can use magic to make it happen.
Why is that then?
 

sirbhp

LE
Book Reviewer
I used to tell my kids AND mi grandkids that the other side of the estuary here in Sarfend was France .
 
My 6 year old has started making her bed in the morning. If she does it for a week she gets a fiver.

She has been saving the fivers for a month because I told her we can’t get a dog until we have a bigger house. I have told her to save up to buy a bigger house

We don’t want a dog, her bed making is a fruitless venture, a dog is binding and I’ll have to walk it before and after work. There will never be a dog, but she makes her bed.

This should be in the hole...

Anyone got any other lies they tell for an easy life?

...my cock stinks.
Is her name Nigel Jnr?
 
Top