Dictionary For Womens Personal ads

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Abdiel, Sep 19, 2010.

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  1. Dictionary For Womens Personal ads

    40ish ..................... 49
    30 Something............ 41.
    Adventurous ............... Slept with all your mates
    Athletic .................. No Tits
    Average looking ........... Has a face like an arse
    Beautiful eyes................face like a robbers dog.
    Beautiful ................. Pathological liar
    Contagious smile .......... Does a lot of pills
    Curvy............Fat cunt.
    Cuddly............Fat cunt.
    Educated .................. Fucked to death at University
    Emotionally secure ........ On medication
    Enjoys pubbing and clubbing............ Alcoholic.
    Feminist .................. Fat cunt
    Friendship first .......... Former slut/born again virgin
    Fun ....................... Annoying
    Gentle .................... Dull
    Good listener ............. Autistic
    Headstrong............. Argumentative.
    Large lady ................ Hugely Fat cunt
    Likes eating out............ Lazy fat cunt
    New Age ................... Body hair problems
    Old fashioned ............. No blow jobs or anal
    Open minded ............... Desperate
    Outgoing .................. Loud and embarrassing
    Passionate ................ Sloppy drunk
    Poet ...................... Depressive
    Professional .............. Bitch
    Romantic .................. Frigid
    Seeks knight in shining armour.............. Husband has run off with younger model.
    Social .................... Fanny like a clowns pocket
    Voluptuous ................ Very fat cunt
    Wants soul-mate............ Stalker
    Wild........... Gets pissed easily.
    Widow ..................... Murderess

    I'm never going on ARRSE's lonely hearts page ever again!!!
     
  2. Years ago I in my constant endeavour to nail as many girls as possible I realised that..

    The dolly birds are great to look at but bloody expensive, and, every time you turn your back some smooth b'stard is trying his hand. Which is no problem if you look like something between Jean Alesi and Lenny McLean.

    Dolly birds do not 'do it' on anything resembling the first date.
    Dolly birds know they are Dolly birds, and act accordingly.
    Dolly birds like rich males with sun tans, and a slightly foreign accent wouldn't go amiss.

    I'd spend hours under a sun bed, I'd wear my very best Chinos and light blue silky shirt, adorned the Tag Heuer and spoke just like inspector Clueso yet only to find myself stood in the Burger wagon queue at 2 in the morning, pissed and alone.

    Then I discovered, and purely by accident, the 'Secret'..

    The secret will give you a girl who...
    Is great fun to be with.
    Will drink just like you.
    You can have curries together just after watching football in the sports bar.
    You can go for a slash in the knowledge that no slimely prat will be trying his hand in your absense.
    But more importantly, they 'do it' as if it will be their last and on the first date.
    This type of girl will adore you and walk 100 miles barefoot in the snow to put cocktail sticks in your shit.

    If you've not already guessed, I am referring to so called 'Fat Girls'.

    From the time I realised this I started having the time of my life.
     
  3. This list really made me laugh, methinks a lot of truth in it!!
     
  4. Rod924

    Rod924 LE Reviewer

    Honest = Liar
    Loyal = Still has the ex on the go
    Seeks Friend = Wants a knuckle dragging control freak with a record for domestic violence
    Bubbly = Given up on weight watchers years ago
    Sincere = Will fuck your bezzy the moment your back is turned
    Funny = Mental
    No hang-ups = More baggage than T5
    Professional = I will let you buy everything
    Passionate = As in seeking revenge on all men with the sole aim of frying their brain
    Spontaneous = 3 hour mandatory delay in replying to calls/texts/emails
    Casual dress sense = Dresses like your Mum