Dictionary For Womens Personal ads

#1
Dictionary For Womens Personal ads

40ish ..................... 49
30 Something............ 41.
Adventurous ............... Slept with all your mates
Athletic .................. No Tits
Average looking ........... Has a face like an arse
Beautiful eyes................face like a robbers dog.
Beautiful ................. Pathological liar
Contagious smile .......... Does a lot of pills
Curvy............Fat cunt.
Cuddly............Fat cunt.
Educated .................. Fucked to death at University
Emotionally secure ........ On medication
Enjoys pubbing and clubbing............ Alcoholic.
Feminist .................. Fat cunt
Friendship first .......... Former slut/born again virgin
Fun ....................... Annoying
Gentle .................... Dull
Good listener ............. Autistic
Headstrong............. Argumentative.
Large lady ................ Hugely Fat cunt
Likes eating out............ Lazy fat cunt
New Age ................... Body hair problems
Old fashioned ............. No blow jobs or anal
Open minded ............... Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and embarrassing
Passionate ................ Sloppy drunk
Poet ...................... Depressive
Professional .............. Bitch
Romantic .................. Frigid
Seeks knight in shining armour.............. Husband has run off with younger model.
Social .................... Fanny like a clowns pocket
Voluptuous ................ Very fat cunt
Wants soul-mate............ Stalker
Wild........... Gets pissed easily.
Widow ..................... Murderess

I'm never going on ARRSE's lonely hearts page ever again!!!
 
I

IssacHunt

Guest
#2
Years ago I in my constant endeavour to nail as many girls as possible I realised that..

The dolly birds are great to look at but bloody expensive, and, every time you turn your back some smooth b'stard is trying his hand. Which is no problem if you look like something between Jean Alesi and Lenny McLean.

Dolly birds do not 'do it' on anything resembling the first date.
Dolly birds know they are Dolly birds, and act accordingly.
Dolly birds like rich males with sun tans, and a slightly foreign accent wouldn't go amiss.

I'd spend hours under a sun bed, I'd wear my very best Chinos and light blue silky shirt, adorned the Tag Heuer and spoke just like inspector Clueso yet only to find myself stood in the Burger wagon queue at 2 in the morning, pissed and alone.

Then I discovered, and purely by accident, the 'Secret'..

The secret will give you a girl who...
Is great fun to be with.
Will drink just like you.
You can have curries together just after watching football in the sports bar.
You can go for a slash in the knowledge that no slimely prat will be trying his hand in your absense.
But more importantly, they 'do it' as if it will be their last and on the first date.
This type of girl will adore you and walk 100 miles barefoot in the snow to put cocktail sticks in your shit.

If you've not already guessed, I am referring to so called 'Fat Girls'.

From the time I realised this I started having the time of my life.
 
#3
Dictionary For Womens Personal ads

40ish ..................... 49
30 Something............ 41.
Adventurous ............... Slept with all your mates
Athletic .................. No Tits
Average looking ........... Has a face like an arse
Beautiful eyes................face like a robbers dog.
Beautiful ................. Pathological liar
Contagious smile .......... Does a lot of pills
Curvy............Fat cunt.
Cuddly............Fat cunt.
Educated .................. Fucked to death at University
Emotionally secure ........ On medication
Enjoys pubbing and clubbing............ Alcoholic.
Feminist .................. Fat cunt
Friendship first .......... Former slut/born again virgin
Fun ....................... Annoying
Gentle .................... Dull
Good listener ............. Autistic
Headstrong............. Argumentative.
Large lady ................ Hugely Fat cunt
Likes eating out............ Lazy fat cunt
New Age ................... Body hair problems
Old fashioned ............. No blow jobs or anal
Open minded ............... Desperate
Outgoing .................. Loud and embarrassing
Passionate ................ Sloppy drunk
Poet ...................... Depressive
Professional .............. Bitch
Romantic .................. Frigid
Seeks knight in shining armour.............. Husband has run off with younger model.
Social .................... Fanny like a clowns pocket
Voluptuous ................ Very fat cunt
Wants soul-mate............ Stalker
Wild........... Gets pissed easily.
Widow ..................... Murderess

I'm never going on ARRSE's lonely hearts page ever again!!!
This list really made me laugh, methinks a lot of truth in it!!
 

Rod924

LE
Kit Reviewer
#4
Honest = Liar
Loyal = Still has the ex on the go
Seeks Friend = Wants a knuckle dragging control freak with a record for domestic violence
Bubbly = Given up on weight watchers years ago
Sincere = Will fuck your bezzy the moment your back is turned
Funny = Mental
No hang-ups = More baggage than T5
Professional = I will let you buy everything
Passionate = As in seeking revenge on all men with the sole aim of frying their brain
Spontaneous = 3 hour mandatory delay in replying to calls/texts/emails
Casual dress sense = Dresses like your Mum
 

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