Devil_Dog achieves unlikely milestone

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Devil_Dog, Mar 26, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. The World Wide Web was brought to a virtual stand still today following reports that prominent Arrser Devil_Dog had surpassed his previous records after he exceeded all expectations and posted his 1900th entry in a popular military website.

    The news was greeted with a mix of joyous riots across the world by those who deem Devil as a hero and by feelings of trepidation by those who view him as as a drunken troublemaker out to cause mayhem in the Western world.

    One of his admirers, Dick Schlong (BS), professor emeritus at the School of Low Lifes, said he hoped Devil's latest achievement would not deter the witty poster from shying away from the kind of posts that have made him a household name on the world stage.

    "He is one of a kind. A great mind in dull times," Schlong said as he poured himself a fifth martini during a members only luncheon which was held at the exclusive Hot Air Restaurant located in Hollywood's expensive Bel Air neighborhood.

    Schlong's sentiments were echoed by prominet attorney P. Nis Sterile who expressed the opinion that conditions in the world had steadly improved since Devil joined the site a few years ago.

    "Who would have thought?" Sterile asked repeatedly. "Who would have fecking thought?"

    Sterile, who is famous for representing several prominent clients like George W Bush and Tony Blair during the now famous "Mongness Trial" declined to confirm media reports that he was considering supporting Devil if he (Devil) decided to launch a third party candidacy for the papacy in the event that the current pope would meet an untimely end.

    "The man was made for greatness. Any running mate he decides to get will undoubtedly surpass all expectations," Sterile said before he was whisked away in a black limousine that bore the license plates D_D.

    As news of the monumental achievement spread across the world, the United Nations was called into a special session whose aim was to pass a special resolution that would solidify the world body behind special language meant to highlight the remarkableness of Devil.

    Miso Honi, the outgoing chair of the General Assembly left no doubt that the world body was firmly behind Devil's well defined ass.

    "It is the dawning of a new era," Honi said as world dignitaries jostled to kiss the statue of Devil that had been hastily erected on the steps of the august assembly.

    Meanwhile, as the world awoke to the so-called "new millenium," news started reaching wire services that peace treaties were being signed "left and right" without regard to the wellbeing of arms dealers and peacemakers alike.

    "This is absolutely crazy," former UN Secretary General Koffi Annan said breathlessly. "In one day I have managed to stop three genocides and eight coups. At this rate I will be out of a job in 12 days."

    Annan went on to express the hope that Devil's new reign would make strip joints more affordable to "normal men everywhere."

    Not everyone was happy about the new developments in the world stage.

    Whoosh Bang Bang, who is famous for brokering a deal that allowed the Argentinian goverment to acquire 100 exocet missiles during the second Falklands War of 2008 criticized Devil for being a "peace loving punk."

    "He is a total idiot," Bang said in a message that was released by a website that promotes death and destruction in non-exocet missiles buying nations.

    "I offered him a good deal but he turned me down. He then threathened to turn me in to the local police. He is a total dildo," Bang claimed.

    A spokesman for Devil denied the allegation.

    "Devil categorically dismisses the charges. Mr Bang could not meet our price," Devil said in a statement released by Chuck Norris, an avid follower of his accomplishments.

    Bang could not be reached for an immediate answer as he said to be in hiding following an attempt on his life.

    (Additional reporting provided by Trip_Wire.)
     
  2. Trip_Wire

    Trip_Wire RIP

    Please leave me out of your 'crack pipe' dreams! :roll:
     
  3. I have no control of what the wire services decide to run.
     
  4. You mean you actually read it all?
     
  5. I take it me bid for the Lord Mayor of the City of London will not be received with too much enthusiasm either.

    Tough crowd.
     
  6. Hmmm, I wonder how long it will be before this drivel ends up in the hole?
     

  7. 7 minutes and 30 secs.

    D_D, you're a cock.
     
  8. Stop beating about the bush flashy................Tell the geezer exactly how you feel about him!!

    NO GROUP HUGS ALLOWED :D :D :D







    Cheers N_W.
     
  9. Congratulations. Hasn't your wife beaten you to death yet?
     
  10. Arrse post counts - the consolation prize for life's under achievers.

    works for me!
     
  11. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    WTF!?!?!? D_D - your ego got the better of you again? Look, just wrestle it to the ground, stab it in the face with some scissors, tie it up in a bag with some rocks and dump it in a deep, fast-flowing river.

    Trust me - your ego is bad and dangerous to your credibility!
     
  12. Devil Dog, this claim to fame, seems as rooted in reality as your claims to Military experience :roll:
     
  13. I did kill 154 Germans with a toothpick once.
     
  14. It's a fucking shame you didn't commit seppuku with it...