Desperate Advice needed please

#1
I have recently gone through a custody battle with my Ex for our 2 boys aged 9 and 5. After a year of her absence the court still ruled in her favour of a SHARED residency order with the boys residing with her and I have them for EVERY day of their holidays......being in the Army did me no favours.
Can someone give me a brief synopsis of what legally SHARED RESIDENCY means to me.

Also we are divored and I have the absolute, so I know now she will be coming after my pension now. Does it make any difference to what I am legally bound to produce to her solicitor ect with regards to pension, lump sum ect?

Our house was repossessed due to her stealing the mortgage money out of the joint account which she has admitted to in writing during the custody battle which has left us £70,000 in debt. I have agreed a payment plan with the Abbey National who to be honest have been excellent in the way they are dealing with it. Does this have any bearing to her asking for money off me?

Also the dreaded CSA.....I have roughly worked out that due to the amount of days the boys will be with me during the year I will have to pay her approx £90 per week. Does our debt have any bearing on this ie do they take any of my outgoings into the equation? She is in the process of going bankrupt!! Also I have to do all the travelling involved picking them up and dropping them off. It is an 8 hour round trip.

Desperate for someone just to let me know legally what the truth is please. Ty in advance.
 
#2
You need to speak to a family law lawyer sharpish.

On the pension front you may be OK, although we call it a pension I believe its called 'retirement pay'. Hence the reason the army can employ ROs.

If it were a true governement-type pension it would reduce with future income earned. However as its retirement pay its all just added to future income and then taxed. So 'pension' may be safe.
 
#4
Need to get a confirmation on this but I believe that legally its not a pension but retirement pay so may be safe from the claws of the ex.
I'll speak to a chum in Glasgow APC next week to get this confirmed.
 
#8
ewan2000 said:
Many thanks Cav, hopefully someone else can help with the rest of my questions
You need a solicitor experienced in family law. Almost every serviceman I know who has got divorced ended up paying part of their pension to the ex. My solicitor said that was bollox and I pay my ex not a penny from my pension. Child support I did pay (which is only right) but she gets no "alimony" type payments.

Your Mrs will probably get legal aid. That means that any payment she gets over a certain amount (4K when I got divorced) gets taken away to pay legal costs.

CSA are a nightmare. If those people get involved there is a good chance that both you and your ex will be financially worse off.

See an experienced family law solicitor. Soon! Don't wait.
 
#10
If she has admitted theft of the money I'd pass it to the police to deal with can't you get her to stump up some of the repayment plan money? &0k is a cool amount in anyones book!

CSA wise if you can have the kids for 57 days a year it will bring down the payments. It's 15% for the 1st kid then 10% for the second you might also be able to claim a reduction in payment by showing the debt you have due to the split up. I got £43 a month knocked off my payments as I had to pay some money to clear all debts from the house sale plus pet insurance etc. But be warned dealing with the CSA is a fooking nightmare expect to be lied to and mis-informed.

A good couple of websites should give you some pointers

csa forum
Martin Lewis

But speak to a lawyer ASAP! Before you get fcuked over
 
#11
ewan - won't add to the advice here, for want of repeating it.

You need to speak to a family lawyer ASAP. It is likely that the CSA will take no account of the Abbey debt in etiher assessing you, or your ex-wife's position.
 
#12
One suggestion about the bank is that if they are happy its probably cause you are paying them more than you need to. Seek information on consolidating your debts/IVA etc.

Don't know if you have a house etc but, bankruptsy or IVAa can be a serious option for you as well.

Generally speaking your real committments I.e. wife and kids come first and if you are left with no extra perhaps you can re-negotiate with Abbey (tell them) or speak to a debt counciller.

I must stress though I don't know enough detail about your situation but, the more proffessional advice the better.

Fully understanding its not your fault.
 
#13
cheers guys, can anyone clarify if there is any difference to me being divorced with regard to her coming after my pension, lump sum ect....we have no other assets ty
 
#14
ewan2000 said:
cheers guys, can anyone clarify if there is any difference to me being divorced with regard to her coming after my pension, lump sum ect....we have no other assets ty
I'm not a solicitor but have been told that the marital assets are still fair game if no financial judgement has been made as part of the divorce proceedings. I was told of a case being heard up to 7 years after the Absolute. A good solicitor is a worthy investment to nip it in the bud now. Very sorry to hear what she's done, sounds like a nightmare.
 

samm1551

Old-Salt
Book Reviewer
#15
E2 see a family solicitor and see one immediately. Whether or not your ex wife can go for yor assets will depend on whether her solicitor had a clause put in the divorce stating she can claim financial assistance from you at a later date, if she has not re-married. It is not as cut and dry as I have just stated which is why you must see a family solicitor. Might cost you some now, but trust me in the long run it will keep you out of trouble. In relation to the CSA I cannot add anymore than the fact that you can get what is called a variation order which will reduce your monthly payments due to the distance you have to travel and costs involved.
 
#16
samm1551 said:
E2 see a family solicitor and see one immediately. Whether or not your ex wife can go for yor assets will depend on whether her solicitor had a clause put in the divorce stating she can claim financial assistance from you at a later date, if she has not re-married. It is not as cut and dry as I have just stated which is why you must see a family solicitor. Might cost you some now, but trust me in the long run it will keep you out of trouble. In relation to the CSA I cannot add anymore than the fact that you can get what is called a variation order which will reduce your monthly payments due to the distance you have to travel and costs involved.
Sam thanks, She stopped the divorce happening twice through her solicitor sending a letter stating that she didn't want to be divorced because if I died she would lose out on the Widows pension (for the sake of the boys!!) However on third attempt judge asked me if she had actually put in the paperwork to make a claim financially against me which she hadn't....stated "Greedy Girl" and signed off the absolute. She wasn't going to start proceedings just in case she got custody of our boys which in the end she did!!! So as far as I am aware there are no clauses whatsoever it was ended very simply.
 
#17
CavalryCaptain said:
Need to get a confirmation on this but I believe that legally its not a pension but retirement pay so may be safe from the claws of the ex.
I'll speak to a chum in Glasgow APC next week to get this confirmed.
I'm afraid you are completly wrong on this, she has every right to go for part of your pension and lump sum. You need to go to your RAO and ask for the AFPS booklet "Pensions on Divorce" it explains the various types of settlements available. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Retired Pay is just the term used for officers' pensions.
 
#18
Make, take, find and KEEP copies notes, letters emails and diaries of what has passed between you regarding matters financial.
See a family lawyer.
CSA. I didn't pay anything to my ex. NOT because I did not want to support them but because they spent MORE time with me, she was working/ able to work AND the kids were of school age. She stopped working so that she would not have to pay me of course! :x
BE VERY careful when employing child solicitors. Depending on the age of the children, they might just decide to vote with their feet and no court or solicitor in the land will change ANY agreement you may have in law without some VERY serious sh!t flying around which will cost you a bomb (my bill went well over £15,000).

TRY and keep it civil for the kids sake if possible and find out what THEY want NOT, repeat NOT, what you WANT them to say :) Hard though that may be. I was lucky and my kids chose to spend the majority of the time with me; but, that choice was helped by my ex adding immense emotional pressure as well as some other rather nastier tactics :evil: which, in the end, backfired rather.
 
#19
Paymaster said:
CavalryCaptain said:
Need to get a confirmation on this but I believe that legally its not a pension but retirement pay so may be safe from the claws of the ex.
I'll speak to a chum in Glasgow APC next week to get this confirmed.
I'm afraid you are completly wrong on this, she has every right to go for part of your pension and lump sum. You need to go to your RAO and ask for the AFPS booklet "Pensions on Divorce" it explains the various types of settlements available. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Retired Pay is just the term used for officers' pensions.
Pm I have noticed they mention if she re-marries she then loses out on my monthly pension pension payments (not the lump sum)...My question is if she has been living for more than a year now with her new partner does this have any bearing also or not ;0(
 
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