Recently a bunch of us at work have been discussing various ways of demeaning the other half during sex, taking a few risks or generally getting up to something filthy. Unfortunately our lunch breaks are getting quieter because we're running out of ideas, so I need you lot. We've covered the usual, and a fair few unusual. Some were new on me, some I'd known for years. Here's our current list of things to do to wifey when we can get away with it: The donkey punch. Tromboning. Jazz trumpeting (as discussed here the other month - and I still reckon should be "lighting the pipe"). For solo action, the abseil w*nk. The Spiderman (w*nk into your hand when she's giving you a handjob, then flick it into her face like Spiderman shooting webs). The Batman (when doggystyle, put your hands over your eyes like goggles - like you did as a kid being a pilot or superhero - and see how long you can stay like that until she sees you). Ghosting (again doggystyle, preferably when she's mullered: tell her you'll take it really slow, pulling all the way out then all the way in in a slow rhythm, then quickly swapping over with your mate. Run outside to the window and wave at her so she bricks it, turns around and find your mate in a ghost mask). The Angry Dragon (choke them with a deepthroat as you spaff, so they cough it out of their nose). The Bucking Bronco (shout "you're nearly as good as your sister!" as you come and see how long you can hold on). The Angry Pirate (unload in one of their eyes, then kick them in the shin so they hop around shouting "arr ya barstard!" with one eye shut). The Dirty Sanchez. ... and so on and so forth. Any more input? We're thinking of writing a book on it!