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Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BlotBangRub, Oct 27, 2007.

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  1. The word on the street up here is that "Capt Sir" Alan Macilwraith tried a couple of times (source A2, Insider at Dell) but failed miserabley.

    put just about as much effort in to that as he did to getting his uniform looking convincing.
     
  2. BlotBangRub No No No do you realise the trouble caused by a jumper on the train line and the delays it costs.

    They should hire a cement mixer tie to their neck and jump into a pond
     
  3. The problem in this case is the 'Mess Webley' . An airsoft Browning HP doesn't really get the job done...

    Most Walts will opt for a token brush with some Paracetemol and alcohol then lie back and revel in the sympathy and attention of the misguided. They will later allude to their hospital stay in a manner that implies it was 'mission related'.

    Suicide is not a Walt option. Their prefered course of action is to move to a town where nobody knows their face and lay low until the fuss caused by their exposure has died down. Then, (despite any good intentions they may have convinced themselves that they had) they will slide back into the ways of Waltery and dip a toe in the water of lies.
    Soon they will be found at the bar of a new local, regaling the credulous and gullible about the time when.....
    Inevitably they will be drawn back to Ebay and Silvermans and will be stood in front of the mirror in a floppy beret and medals that place them in every conflict from the Boer War to Basra and at least one other army.
    The most desperate to live the role will invest in a regimental tattoo.

    Suicide is not an option with Walts - unless it is 'assisted suicide'.....They have no pride, self respect or concept of decency to begin with. Any disgrace can be compensated for by future lies and even when they are exposed part of them loves the attention they are receiving, however humiliating it is.

    A better option is to brand them on the face with a large 'W' or perhaps the capbadge of the unit they claimed to belong to.
     
  4. Wasn't there talk on here about designing a "Special" cap badge just for walts? They can be branded with that.

    We can tell them that it is for Special Special Forces
     
  5. I've been turned over by a walt and it could have had quite serious side effects, thankfully it didn't and I remained oblivious for two years.

    A bloke at my shooting club used to appear, shoot and go, kept himself to himself.... After a while his very squaddie like sense of humour and terminology appeared and he mentioned he was RE then Intelligence Corps, and had spent considerable time in NI and had gone on to join the RM reserve in Liverpool...... all credible and had no reason to doubt him.

    We became reasonably good mates and we'd go out for the odd beer.

    When I left the forces I did some CP work for a chap in Cannes (an arab who is still detained by either the French or US authorities for bank fraud)

    Cutting a long story short I was tasked with picking up a suitcase of currency from a hotel in Madrid and bringing it back to a Notary in London. THis was a Friday night and the flight was booked for early the following morning, with the amounts involved and the shady appearance of the deal I decided I wasn't going on my own.

    I called some colleagues in the industry and no one could react with such a quick flash to bang time, so I was fcuked.... then I thought I'd bell Ian, my oppo from the gun club.

    He was game and the following morning we made our way to Madrid via Barcelona and met up with a team of quite heavily armed moustached men who handed us over a million dollars, in Iraqi currency (1997) we did one in the motor when the phone rang and my gaffer said 'Chris you can't travel by air with that' apparently sactions etc said you couldn't leave Iraq with more than 10 Dinar........ I had over three million in a bag :D

    We drove and got the train back to the UK and ever a very scary and eventful 36 hours got home....

    I trusted him purely because of his experience, his stories and the fact that he stacked up....

    Two years later I was helping him move house when his Army discharge paper fell from the loft hatch and down by my feet...

    He had served 24 days in the RE and had discharged himself.... My first thought was how that cnut would have reacted if all had gone pearshaped with that cash.... Naturally I flew into a whirlwind of ultra violence and harmed him around the face and neck then grilled him about why the fcuk he'd bluffed me.

    He started to continue to bluff by mentioning, the shooting of PIRA terrorists, and being engaged on a Special short term service etc...... so I dished him another slap, then came the tears and the story about him being a cab driver and never having done anything more exciting than pulling a dead granny from the back of his motor
     
  6. Oddly enough, we are still pals.

    I'm even a director of his company. I promised him I'd never mention it again, a promise which I of course break anytime we are p1ssed and surrounded by people I can humiliate him in front of.

    I once over heard him telling a very juiced up story about the way in which we brought back the currency, but it was to a bird and he did end up turking her crimper
     
  7. Comment from the septic side of the pond.

    And sometimes it turns out that the Walt might not be a Walt at all:

    About 10 years ago the US Chief of Naval Operations, ADM Mike Boorda found himself in the centre of press furor as to whether he was entitled to the V for valour on to medals he had earned (Navy Achievement Medal and Navy Commendation Medal) Although it was clear in the citation that the medals were awarded for combat operations the V was not specifically mentioned. Faced with the disgrace of being accused of having worn the device for 20 plus years ADM Boorda went home and shot himself.

    A few weeks after the funeral, ADM Zumwalt, the CNO at the time the medals were awarded stated that he had publicly announced that the V device was authorized for NAM and NCM issued for actions during combat. Lots of confusion in the press as to whether vessel was in right coordinates on the right dates but many public statements by Zumwalt at the time that use of the device was authorized.

    Came a bit late for ADM Boorda. ADM Boorda was the first CNO to have gone all the way from Seaman to CNO. Former enlisted usually don't get that high up.

    I don't think ADM Booda was a walt, although he may have screwed up on a very complicated set of SECNAVINST's on the topic if what vessels were in the appropriate theatre on what dates.