Deja Vu and further proof for the existence of God

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by BounceBanana, Mar 31, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Story coming in.

    Police knock at a door. Tell the man living there they have just followed him and require a breath test.

    "But I haven't been driving"

    "We are three police officers who just followed you for 18 minutes"

    "Oh. What's that mean then ?"

    Arrest for refusing to provide a sample of breath.

    The subsequent police chat with CPS should be fly on the wall telly.

    CPS "Do you recall perchance that we were at Court once and no police witnesses turned up ? Charges against this same chap with two positive identifications of the driver and presence on the road of his vehicle. two very senior police witnesses ?"

    Plod "Yus"

    CPS "And do you recall the embarrassment technology delivered on that occasion. The CCTV and electronic records showing the vehcile was actually in a car valeters establishment at the material time. Do you recall that ?"


    CPS "And would you recall the further attentions you gave this fellow after we had to withdraw at County Court last time ?"


    CPS "Such as a curfew and bail conditions on yet another charge ?"


    CPS "This brings us neatly to the matter of the electronic tagging device situated at the chap's ankle. His personal second by second record of exactly where he was. Are we feeling a cold shiver of deja vu corroborating police officers ? Technology galloping across the tundra and exposing ploddie porkies. Because I am fairly certain the Judge might be anxious for an explanation how you followed the man on the highways of Kent for 18 minutes whilst he was in his kitchen preparing his dinner !!!!!!!!"

    And God smiled ....... Is this an apocryphal story ?
  2. It looks more like a boring **** mainlining Domestos to me.
    • Like Like x 8
  3. No but it is a boring and pointless one.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Having seen your views on climate change, I think it is somewhat hypocritical of you to accuse anyone of being boring and pointless. BB might be a bit deluded, but at least he's not juvenile.
  5. Not another anti-Kent police thread! BB, you're becoming tedious and predictable, give it a rest for a while.
  6. Kent Police are feckin Awesome!
    • Like Like x 1
  7. How much do Kent Policemen pay for their shampoo?


    an' not a penny mower!
    • Like Like x 2
  8. I get the feeling I've heard that before.
  9. OK, then, Hair and ******* Shoulders.
  10. Easter Monday special.

    No charge.
  11. i might have chips for tea !!