AEROPLANE BLONDE One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'. AUSSIE KISS Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under. BADLY PACKED KEBAB A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia. BEAVER LEAVER A homosexual. BEER COAT The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning. BEER COMPASS The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from. BEER SCOOTER The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter". BOBFOC Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch. BOILER SUIT The prosecution charge that you did wilfully , and with phallus aforethought, score with a BOBFOC last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night. BONE OF CONTENTION A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend. BREAKING THE SEAL Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night. BRITNEY SPEARS Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen". BRUCE LEE Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip). BUDGIE'S TONGUE or SMALL MAN IN A BOAT, or TONGUE PUNCHBAG The female erection. BUNNY-BOILER An unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene in the film "Fatal Attraction", e.g. "I don't like the look of that aeroplane blonde - could be a bunny boiler". DOUBLE BASS A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different. DRINK-LINK A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze. ETCH-A-SKETCH Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously. FLOGGING ON Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites. FREE THE TADPOLES Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks. FRIGMAROLE Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay. F*CKSH*TF*CKSH*TF*CKSH*T The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed. GOING FOR A McSHIT Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With Lies. GREYHOUND A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT A vigorous masturbation session. JOHNNY-NO-STARS A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training. MILLENNIUM DOMES The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing. MONKEY BATH A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!". MUMBLER An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying. MYSTERY BUS The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in. MYSTERY TAXI The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead. NBR (NO BEERS REQUIRED) Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter. NELSON MANDELA Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager). ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE The need to defecate imminently. PEARL HARBOUR Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air. PICASSO ARSE A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks. RAGMAN'S COAT Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit but I bet she's got a kebab like a ragmans coat !" RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE To defecate e.g. " I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just nipping out to release a chocolate hostage". SALAD DODGER An excellent phrase for an overweight person. SKIN-CHIMNEY - see BADLY PACKED KEBAB SPERM WAIL or SPUPHEMISM A verbal outburst during the male orgasm. STARFISH TROOPER or ARSETRONAUT A homosexual. SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive woman. TART FUEL or BITCH PISS Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women. TEN-PINTER Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints. TITANIC A lady who goes down first time out. TODGER DODGER A lesbian. TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off). UP ON BLOCKS Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks". VAGINA DECLINER A homosexual. WALLACE AND GROMIT Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'. WANK SEANCE During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being watched with disgust by your dead relatives. WYNONA RYDER Rhyming Slang for 'cider'. e.g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a bottle of tart fuel please Doreen". X-PILES Unwanted visitors from Uranus.