Definitions

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by ricardo868, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. AEROPLANE BLONDE
    One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

    AUSSIE KISS
    Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

    BADLY PACKED KEBAB
    A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.

    BEAVER LEAVER
    A homosexual.

    BEER COAT
    The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

    BEER COMPASS
    The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

    BEER SCOOTER
    The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter".

    BOBFOC
    Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

    BOILER SUIT
    The prosecution charge that you did wilfully , and with phallus aforethought, score with a BOBFOC last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.

    BONE OF CONTENTION
    A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

    BREAKING THE SEAL
    Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

    BRITNEY SPEARS
    Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".

    BRUCE LEE
    Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).

    BUDGIE'S TONGUE or SMALL MAN IN A BOAT, or TONGUE PUNCHBAG
    The female erection.

    BUNNY-BOILER
    An unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene in the film "Fatal Attraction", e.g. "I don't like the look of that aeroplane blonde - could be a bunny boiler".

    DOUBLE BASS
    A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

    DRINK-LINK
    A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.

    ETCH-A-SKETCH
    Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

    FLOGGING ON
    Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

    FREE THE TADPOLES
    Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.

    FRIGMAROLE
    Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

    F*CKSH*TF*CKSH*TF*CKSH*T
    The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

    GOING FOR A McSHIT
    Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With Lies.

    GREYHOUND
    A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

    HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT
    A vigorous masturbation session.

    JOHNNY-NO-STARS
    A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

    MILLENNIUM DOMES
    The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.

    MONKEY BATH
    A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

    MUMBLER
    An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.

    MYSTERY BUS
    The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

    MYSTERY TAXI
    The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

    NBR (NO BEERS REQUIRED)
    Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.

    NELSON MANDELA
    Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).

    ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE
    The need to defecate imminently.

    PEARL HARBOUR
    Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air.

    PICASSO ARSE
    A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

    RAGMAN'S COAT
    Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit but I bet she's got a kebab like a ragmans coat !"

    RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE
    To defecate e.g. " I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just nipping out to release a chocolate hostage".

    SALAD DODGER
    An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

    SKIN-CHIMNEY - see BADLY PACKED KEBAB

    SPERM WAIL or SPUPHEMISM
    A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

    STARFISH TROOPER or ARSETRONAUT
    A homosexual.

    SWAMP-DONKEY
    A deeply unattractive woman.

    TART FUEL or BITCH PISS
    Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.

    TEN-PINTER
    Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

    TITANIC
    A lady who goes down first time out.

    TODGER DODGER
    A lesbian.

    TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER
    Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).

    UP ON BLOCKS
    Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks".

    VAGINA DECLINER
    A homosexual.

    WALLACE AND GROMIT
    Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.

    WANK SEANCE
    During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being watched with disgust by your dead relatives.

    WYNONA RYDER
    Rhyming Slang for 'cider'. e.g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a bottle of tart fuel please Doreen".

    X-PILES
    Unwanted visitors from Uranus.
     
  2. Champion!