Defence Contracts - Development Terms

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Disco, Nov 20, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Keep yourself upto date with the latest Defence Procurement speak!!


    1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
    We are still p1ssing in the wind.

    2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
    We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

    3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
    We know who to blame.

    4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
    It works OK, so we added LED`s now it looks very hi-tech.

    5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
    We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

    6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
    The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

    7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
    We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

    8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
    The only person who understood the thing quit.

    9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS
    It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

    10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
    Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

    11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
    Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

    12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
    We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

    13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
    I can't wait to hear this bull!

    14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS
    Come into my office, I'm lonely.

    15. ALL NEW
    Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

    16. RUGGED
    Too damn heavy to lift!

    17. LIGHTWEIGHT
    Lighter than RUGGED.

    18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
    One finally worked.

    19. ENERGY SAVING
    Achieved when the power switch is off.

    20. LOW MAINTENANCE
    Impossible to fix if broken.

    21. FEATURE:
    We can't fix the bug so we've documented it and are calling it a "feature".

    22. NEW RELEASE:
    We're too cheap to beta test our code so we'll sell it to you as a new product and let y'all beta test it for us.

    :roll: